Single page view By Tim Keown
Page 2

    The New Mets theme song, "Our Team, Our Time," is so bad that fans are petitioning online to have it killed, the creators are getting death threats and it has been banned to only pregame playtime.
    -- New York Post, June 1, 2006

Mr. Met
Al Messerschmidt/
Mr. Met just needs to breakdance and get his groove on.

Dear Mr. Songwriter,
After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that your work on "Our Team, Our Time" constitutes a substandard effort in the field of sports anthems. As such, I believe you should die.

It is my belief that the song, allegedly intended to be an uplifting ode to the Mets' new identity for the 2006 baseball season, is not of sufficient quality to stand as the team's official theme song. Because of this and other transgressions, I believe you should die.

I want you to know this conclusion was not reached without due diligence on my part. Many factors, including your previous body of work (mostly nonexistent, I might add) were weighed before coming to this decision. I researched it -- I even prayed on it. However, after hearing that repetitive techno-pop, pseudo-rap pounding repeatedly during a three-day meditative session with my Round-A-Sound Headphones, I believe you should die.

I do not want to leave you with the impression that I did not see some value in your work. It is not completely without merit. For instance, no one can argue that Billy Wagner does, indeed, throw heat. There are redeeming qualities to your descriptions of Pedro Martinez and Carlos Delgado, but they are a bit obvious, aren't they?

Pedro Martinez will strike you out.

You couldn't do better than that?

Cliff Floyd and Carlos Beltran. Playing the outfield.

Were you trying not to tax our mental capacity here? Seriously, did it take you more than an hour to write this song? Under state statute, the Floyd/Beltran stanza alone elevates the offense to the capital level.

We Mets fans, and I speak for nearly everyone I know, deserve and demand better from the writer entrusted with the awesome responsibility of the team's theme song. Since you, in our opinion, have failed, I believe you should die.

I am trying not to be too harsh in my criticism of your work, but I must add that the beat is not only repetitive but annoyingly so. What is that instrument that seems to insist upon berating us with the sound of a Sawzall grinding through rebar? Please advise.

For your personal edification -- and before you meet your deserved demise -- I suggest you listen to the durable-if-saccharine anthems of Terry Cashman. More than any baseball balladeer, Cashman had a flair for the simple beats and eloquent words that could put a smile on the face of any true fan. You, on the other hand, are evoking nothing more than pained winces from Mets fans.

In summary, I believe this is neither an overreaction nor an unfair sentence. I have weighed the evidence and determined that your continued existence poses a significant and ongoing threat to society. Therefore, I believe you should die.

Yours truly,
A Concerned Mets Fan

This Week's List
On the next installment of "I Can Shout Louder Than You": The stars of the show will continue to excoriate Barry Bonds while blindly deifying Roger Clemens without even a hint of reservation.


Page 1 of 2Next>>         Single page view