No major leaguer has ever attempted to hit blindfolded against Oliver Perez, which would surely be more stupid and life-threatening than any stunt Johnny Knoxville and his gang attempt in "Jackass: Number Two."
Nonetheless, pro sports has had its share of jackass moments, that's for sure. So in honor of the crazy and stupid guys from "Jackass," we present, after completely non-exhaustive research, Page 2's 10 favorite jackass sports moments.
10. John Smoltz burns chest while ironing a shirt … a shirt he was wearing at the time
True story.
9. Mascot tries to jump over wall of fire … and misses
At the Anaheim Mighty Ducks' home opener in 1995, team mascot Wild Wing attempted a stupid mascot trick when he tried to trampoline over a wall of fire on the ice. He didn't jump far enough and landed in the pit, catching his uniform on fire. The team cheerleaders had to pull him from the fire, but Wild Wing managed to return later in the game. And you wonder why hockey needs cheerleaders.
8. Jan Van de Velde hits driver off the tee … bad move, Jan
We're not saying the French are arrogant, but (hold your e-mails, dear French readers!) … heading to the par-4 18th hole of the 1999 British Open, the Frenchman held a three-stroke lead. For some inexplicable, jackassed reason, he hit driver, went way right, tried to reach the green on his second shot, hit the grandstand, pitched into a little creek of sorts, took his shoes and socks off, waded into the water, decided to take a drop, pitched into the sand and actually one-putted for a 7. And promptly pumped his fist.
He then lost a three-way playoff.
BUT … that may not even be his biggest jackass moment. Last October, he announced his intentions to play in the Women's British Open. Ahh, we only kid because we love, Jan! You make our job so much easier!
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| OK, we know -- there are about 1.63 million other jackass moments we left out, from Pedro fighting Zimmer to Clemens throwing a bat at Piazza to Clemens going insane in the 1990 playoffs to Carl Lewis singing the national anthem to Joe Namath's kiss to Charles Barkley spitting on a little girl to ... well, let us know your favorite moments. |
7. Pud Galvin downs magic elixir from sheep testicles … world goes to pot
James "Pud" Galvin is in baseball's Hall of Fame, winning 361 games from 1879 to 1892. One of his nicknames was "The Little Steam Engine." Well, no wonder! In 1889, according to an article in the Washington Post at the time (as reported earlier this year on NPR), Galvin was openly taking a potion called the elixir of Brown-Sequard, which was essentially testosterone extracted from animal testicles. (According to other researchers, Babe Ruth may have tried a similar elixir.)
Anyway, as much it pains us to tarnish the legacy of Pud Galvin, this probably makes him baseball's first steroid user. Which certainly qualifies as a truly jackass moment.
6. Stanford band rushes onto field … gives new definition to term "band geek"
Moen to Rodgers to Garner to Rodgers to Ford to Moen & and THE BEARS HAVE WON!! THE BEARS HAVE WON!! OH, MY GOD!! THE MOST AMAZING, SENSATIONAL, DRAMATIC, HEART-RENDING, EXCITING, THRILLING FINISH IN THE HISTORY OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL! CALIFORNIA HAS WON THE BIG GAME OVER STANFORD!
5. Jose Canseco … a life in short episodic comments
• 1989: Voted to start All-Star Game despite being disabled all season.
• 1989: Starts own hotline, 1-900-234-JOSE.
• 1989: Canseco picks up at least four speeding tickets, three citations for driving without a license, one citation for darkened windows on his Porsche, one ticket for no proof of insurance, and one charge for carrying a loaded handgun in his car.
• 1990: Drives Lamborghini with license plate reading "40-40."
• 1991: Spotted leaving Madonna's New York apartment.
• 1992: Drives his car into his wife's, causing $10,000 in damage.
• 1993: Has flyball bounce off his head and over the outfield wall for a home run.
• 1993: Tries to pitch, blows out elbow, has Tommy John surgery, misses rest of season.
• 1994-99: Wanders from team to team, gets hurt a lot, takes lots of steroids.
• 2000: Helps lead Yankees to World Series title.
• 2001: Along with his brother, gets into fight with tourists at a Miami Beach nightclub.
• 2002-05: Complains about being ostracized from major leagues.
• 2005: Writes best-selling book, says Madonna asked him to marry her, but says he never had sex with her.
• 2005: Cast member on "The Surreal Life."
• 2006: Hits .176 and goes 0-1 as a pitcher for the Long Beach Armada of the Golden Baseball League.
4. Gus Frerotte head-butts concrete wall in celebration … wall wins
At one time in his career, Gus Frerotte was an up-and-coming quarterback in the National Football League. ... Well, he was a starting QB anyway, starting 30 games for the Redskins from 1995 through late 1997. In a game against the Giants, he celebrated a touchdown by slamming his head into a concrete wall. At least he was smart enough to leave his helmet on. Still, he was left woozy and headed to the hospital after suffering spasms at halftime. And, really, his career went downhill from the head-butt; he's started just 45 games for seven different teams since.
3. Zinedine Zidane head-butts Marco Materazzi … Italy wins
We are not picking on France. Honest. But we do prefer to watch our sporting events with pizza instead of foie gras.
2. Marty Cordova goes for a fake tan … tanning booth wins
Cordova was always popular with the ladies, perhaps in part due to his golden bronze skin. Unfortunately, he spent most of his career playing indoors with the Twins, which apparently meant he had to spend extra time at the salon. Well, sadly for Marty, while with the Orioles in 2002 he fell asleep in a tanning booth, burned his face and, under doctor's orders, had to miss several day games. His career went downhill from there: he played nine games in 2003, then was out of the majors for good.
1. Juan Gonzalez turns down $148 million … Gonzalez doesn't win
After hitting .289 with 22 home runs for the Tigers in 2000, Gonzalez became a free agent … and the Tigers felt compelled to reward that big season with a $148 million contract. Gonzalez turned it down, signed with Cleveland, played there one season and then essentially disappeared. He did manage to earn $38.6 million from 2001 to 2005, and he did hit .323 with six home runs in 36 games for the Long Island Ducks this season, but the moral of the story here would still appear to be … don't be a jackass.