By The Intern
Page 2 (11/29) -- This week on Chad's Johnson's Corner: Chad takes a shot, blacks out and can't quite remember scoring. Next week: He joins the Bearcat basketball team.

Sports Fans of America -- For anyone who complains that there's never anything BCS-related on the site, here's your new stock answer: "This guy wrote the masters thesis."

The Baseball Crank -- Good to see that Dan McLaughlin, a fellow contrib from Simmons' Digital City Boston days, is still at it. Especially when you consider The Birdman hung up his trunks and is married with kids. Don't let "Baseball, War, Politics, Law and More" fool you. He's cooler than George Will. -- When the pressure's on and the TPS reports absolutely must affixed at the top-left, 45-degrees, I ask you: whose stapler would you rather have? Is Martin Gramatica's permanently jammed?

Men Who Look Like Kenny Rogers -- A reader favorite from the summer that I wouldn't link to because it wasn't established enough. Well, it doesn't get more established than being a Trivial Pursuit answer. Just ask Boutros Boutros-Ghali.

(By the way, some bad news: The Kenny Rogers assault sto>ry I linked to yesterday was a fugazi. You'd have thought "WTF-TV" would have clued me in. The good news: It wasn't the best prank I saw yesterday. My friend Evan said it best: "If only other certain prominent Yalies were this clever.")

(Okay, one more bit of good news. We touched bases with Tom Walsh, the guy who held the prior "Jeopardy" record (ahem, SEVEN) until Ken Jennings came along and obliterated it. Well, Tom was "making plans to be the Guest of Honor at the 'DC Roadkill reunion'" tonight. The Washington Post is sending a reporter to cover it. Take a guess what this means.)

Boston Globe (11/24) -- If you're amazed what penalties celebrating a playoff win in your underwear can bring about, keep in mind that relieving yourself off the highway here can get you registered as a sex offender. I mean, there's a reason the 'B' on the cap is scarlet.

Minneapolis Star-Tribune (11/26) -- Remember a week ago when Simmons wrote: "Here's my compromise idea: For the rest of the season, before every game, Artest gets wheeled out to midcourt like Hannibal Lecter -- you know, tied to one of those white stretchers and wearing a strait jacket and the metal facemask. Then, they untie him, and he gets to warm up with his team. I think this would get the message across to the fans -- stay away from this guy." Ah, the good old days, when he was only spawning one cartoon. (11/27) -- Might as well hit this, too. On Sept. 24, he wrote: "The league feels broken this season; I can't remember this many shaky offenses at the same time ... The scoring situation is SO dire, Len Pasquarelli even wrote his annual 'Give Jeff George a chance' column six weeks earlier than usual." Well, the "Veteran signs deal" column seems right on time, doesn't it? So does Jay Mariotti calling George "a thirtysomething Cade McNown who can play a little."

Philadelphia Inquirer (11/26) -- Like Homer Jay Simpson said: "To alcohol! The cause of ... and solution to ... all of life's problems." An Inquirer columnist lets beer off the hook in the Artest fiasco. A Miami Herald column says beer sales should end at a certain point in the game. I'd go the second way. It's kind of like stopping sales after "The Gambler" at a Kenny Rogers concert. Know when to walk away. Know when to run.

It's Karate, Kid! The Musical -- It was so easy living day by day, out of touch with rhythm and blues (and depths of bad taste). Suddenly I'm in a Chinatown Bus state of mind. Unless you hear otherwise, I'll be going to NYC this weekend. Expect a critique of this show next Monday, which, after the censors are done with it, should be a least 45 words long.

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