-- Reader Jake S. summed up my thoughts with, "I was 100% positive it would be Chris Rix before I opened the story" ( Except that Chris would have scrambled away from the pepper-spray and lobbed up an interception. (Jeremy C., Atlanta) -- Can you even imagine the amount of missed high-fives that took place backstage right after this? But hey, it's his fifteen minutes ... carpe diem. (Jeffrey M.) -- During the Magnum era, you think there was a "Jordan as MVP" type of unwritten rule that, although Selleck always had the best 'stache going, the trophy got passed around nonetheless? -- Simmons says, "I can't believe Fennis Dembo still has his championship ring. The odds had to be 5-to-1." I say, "Hey, Charles, Fennis Dembo is in here! Zan Tabak is going nuts!" (Sorry, dorky "Inside the NBA" joke. Spelling Bee kid ain't got nothin' on me ... )

TUESDAY – If the move had been real, then the city of Indianapolis would have failed. In situations such as this, you have to exhibit complete and total indifference. That way, you end up with the scene where the Colts drive off forever, Peyton sitting in the back of the bus with his face pressed up against the window, on the verge of tears because it looks like no one is going to miss him. Eventually, he stands up and screams, "I CAN'T!," stops the bus, and runs Napoleon Dynamite-style back to Indy, at which point Indy admits how much they actually missed him. This is what I've learned from television and movies. – Paris Hilton is retiring? Genius! In honor of Paris's future withdrawal from the work force, I would like to announce that I am no longer available for the NBA draft. I am retiring from professional basketball. (Ben K.) – I don't blame Fonzworth (of umbrella twirling fame) for bristling at the "manservant" characterization. Honestly, I can't think of anything more degrading. For instance, I could have run into a random guy from high school the other day and had this conversation.

Me: "Hey Tom, what are you doing nowadays?"

Tom: "Umm, I squeegee car windows over on 14th St."

(awkward silence)

Me (enthusiastically): "Hey, at least you're not a manservant! Stay well!" – I always thought Kendall Gill had one of the smoothest games I've ever seen, but he played just a little TOO pretty. In all seriousness, maybe this is what he needed all along. (click on "History") – Before there was Madden, there was Tecmo Bowl, which is why its importance cannot be overstated. Just like before there was Olive Garden's "Neverending Bowl of Pasta," there was Wendy's Value Menu.

(Note: I've never actually had Olive Garden's "Neverending Bowl of Pasta," nor do I imagine it would be very good. Frankly, I was just desperate for an analogy. Today was a struggle.)

For those not familiar with Atlanta, we have a yearly musical orgy known as Music Midtown. It's phenomenal. One of the few places where you will find high-school kids passed-out drunk before the sun goes down, Daisy-Duke-wearing women holding sixteen-ounce Miller Lites, burnt out sixty-year-old hippies pulling out dance moves that no words could ever do justice to, and one of the most eclectic and impressive annual collections of musical talent you will ever find; a place where you can see The White Stripes, Tift Merritt, Public Enemy, and Tom Petty all perform within earshot of one another.


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