Homerisms of the week:

• After watching Jeff Francoeur's rifle throw home yesterday, I wonder if there's anything he can't do. If Jeff broke his bat, jumped out of the stadium and ripped down an oak tree, returned and used the giant oak to belt a 900 foot homerun, and then rounded the bases before the ball even left the park, I probably wouldn't flinch.

• Dear Boise State,
As you travel back to your hideous blue field, make sure to tell others that D.J. Shockley's coming, and Hell's coming with him!

• When I saw Mike Vick sporting jean shorts at little bro Marcus's game this past weekend, I had just one thought: I guess I'll have to start wearing jean shorts.

Washington Post -- In case you haven't heard, Kanye West made some slight modifications to the script he was given during NBC's live concert fundraiser for Katrina victims. I wouldn't dare give an opinion on Kanye's words, but I will point out that Mike Myers' closing reaction is priceless. In fact, this needs to be seen.

The Digital Collegian -- This is, and I don't think I'm going out on a limb here, the greatest article ever written in the history of the universe. Amen.

N.Y. Daily News -- He may be the epitome of a self-important celebrity, but I've got a ton of respect for Sean Penn's hands-on hurricane relief efforts.

Broadway World -- Everything you ever wanted to know (and probably more) about the "Dude, you're getting a Dell" guy. Remember that he also won the British Open a couple years back.

USA Today -- In-depth look at what Cal Ripken is up to these days. Why don't we just get it over with and make him commissioner of baseball? Anyone who is against this is clearly a communist.

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