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At the Hawks/Celtics game last night, I was treated to an up-close viewing of an underappreciated art form -- the overenthusiastic warm-up routine. For about twenty minutes, Brian Scalabrine wowed Philips Arena with an all-business display of 360s, windmills and dunks I've never even heard of. Remember when you would shoot in your backyard and imagine last-second shots to win Game 7? That's what watching Scalabrine reminded me of. In his mind, he was battling in a slam dunk contest for the ages, and I bet no human being has ever jumped higher than Imaginary Scalabrine did last night. It was terrific. (Matt in Boston) -- UT football's savior, Matthew McConaughey, takes a break from tales of his dramatic 4th and 5 scramble to pose for a group photo. (Kevin S.) -- Some people talk trash by making lewd gestures and screaming obscenities; others spend $10,000 on a billboard. (Micah H. in Atlanta) -- Live rendition of Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. File this one under "Nerds Achieving the Spectacular," just a notch below the Tri-Lam talent show act. (Brice in NYC) -- Ed Hochuli's workout plan. Or as Casey M. calls it, Two Tickets to the Gun Show. (Tim N. in Manhattan Beach, CA) -- HEB steak commercials featuring Roger Clemens, David Carr, and Andy Pettitte. Turns out Roger's hired gun routine was never about money, but actually quality meat. -- A group called the American Decency Association is up in arms over the 2006 Pistons dance team calendar, calling it "a form of prostitution." $1 billion says the organization's male president joined solely as a means to meet women.

TUESDAY -- I'm not really a hockey fan, but Jose Theodore is my new favorite goalie. When a crazed fan in hockey gear jumped on the ice during Canadiens' practice and charged the goal, Theodore took him on, ultimately stopping a wrist shot. Afterwards, Theodore noted, "He couldn't beat me. That's the main thing." Countered the fan, "I didn't have time." (Tim from MA) -- Chuck Norris responds to his growing Internet legend, borrows from "Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer." "I'm a Wild West kind of guy. This internet you speak of ... I don't even know what that is. Your world frightens and confuses me! ... Buy my book." (Dennis from Champaign, IL; SOUND) -- This hypnotic basketball video starts off slow but is worth the wait -- it's like the "Try a Little Tenderness" of dunking/shot-blocking highlights. -- Top 10 Rodman moments. Personal favorite comes from #4, when Rodman "exceed[ed] the Newport harbor speed limit in a boat called Sexual Chocolate." I'd sell my soul to pull off that boat name. -- Tales of Ben Wallace's prima donna days at Virginia Union. Like the time he accepted new shoes. (Mike G. in Alburtis, PA) -- Nick Lachey trying to look serious while secretly wondering how he can steer Matt towards the blonde and keep the brunette for himself.

I saw the devil incarnate, and she wears a hairnet.


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