By Bill Simmons
Page 2

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"It's one of those scenarios you feel will never happen to you. Nobody thinks they're going to be the one, whatever, to get in a car wreck to have their, you know, their kids killed in a plane crash, whatever, you don't think those things are going to happen to you. And I didn't think that I'd be traded. So."
-- Bronson Arroyo on being traded to the Reds

"When I think of Minneapolis, I think of Prince."
-- Georgetown coach John Thompson III, when asked his thoughts on the city that would play host to his team's Sweet Sixteen matchup with Florida

"I remember draft night, I shook David Stern's hand while rocking a red suit with white pinstripes and red gators … I've always been a trendsetter."
-- Jalen Rose

"I think dropping 44 on Coolio one night."
-- Roger Lodge on his career highlight in the NBA Entertainment League

"He's more like Jesus than I thought. Guys would be huddled around talking smack in the clubhouse and Roger walks in. It's like the parting of the Red Sea."
-- Chipper Jones on what it's like to play with Roger Clemens

"Are you basing it on the regular season or the playoffs? I mean, it's hard to compare guys that have never been to the Finals to other players. If you gear yourself to play six months of the year, it's completely different than gearing yourself to play nine months a year. My whole focus was trying to gear myself to play nine months a year."
-- Larry Bird, responding to Tommy Heinsohn's comment that Paul Pierce was the greatest offensive player in Celtics history

"Arousal-control has been an issue for me since the beginning of my career."
-- Bode Miller

"What comes out of the microwave hot doesn't always stay hot. I know, because I eat bagels in the morning."
-- Shaquille O'Neal, following the Heat's comeback win over the Celtics

"I don't know about Brad Pitt, leaving that beautiful woman to go hold orphans for Angelina. I mean how long is that going to last?"
-- Michael Douglas

"It was shock. You almost feel you have three or four innings to play, but you go home."
-- Alex "Mr. March" Rodriguez after losing to Mexico in the WBC

"If someone saw me in the shower, they'd never think I was on the juice."
-- Jason Schmidt

"He worries about what people say about him and he Googles himself."
-- David Wells on Bud Selig

"There's something about Hoopz. She nervouses me."
-- Flavor Flav (from "Flavor of Love")

"I've won Player of the Month before. They don't ever give me anything for it. A new car, something, a plaque."
-- Paul Pierce

"Because I want to have my arm in good shape, I need to have my legs in good shape. Without a leg, there is no arm."
-- Pedro Martinez

"People say I'm a gold digger, but do you see me wearing gold? No. I'm wearing diamonds."
-- Anna Benson

"It wasn't even close; I was awesome."
-- Daryl Strawberry, on whether he saw any similarities between Mets' top hitting prospect Lastings Milledge and himself

"I'm the luckiest man on earth right now."
-- Drew Lachey, after winning "Dancing with the Stars"

"If I was the opposite gender, I'd be chasing him. I'd be dating him. But I'm not, so I don't. But I'm making the point. This guy's got a ton of personality. He's really a neat guy. The players have enjoyed him from Day 1. He's smart and he's funny. I really appreciate everything about him."
-- Tony La Russa on So Taguchi

"If I was the opposite gender, I'd be chasing him. I'd be dating him. But I'm not, so I don't. But I'm making the point. This guy's got a ton of personality. He's really a neat guy. The players have enjoyed him from Day 1. He's smart and he's funny. I really appreciate everything about him."
-- Tony La Russa on So Taguchi

"I've got a lot of e-mail on something written by a guy named Bill Simmons on He bashes Houston. Please don't respond to him. Please don't ask me to respond. People write stuff like that because they're desperate for someone to read their stuff. They're doing it to push buttons. The guy couldn't be more irrelevant."
-- Richard Justice writing in his Houston Chronicle blog this week

"It was like my best friend in America."
-- Warriors forward Andris Biedrins, talking about his Porsche Cayenne SUV, which was totaled when he was rear-ended last week

"Regis is in the house."
-- Regis Philbin was at Sunday's Lakers-Celtics game. According to LA Times reporter Mike Bresnahan, he "strolled through the Laker locker room with a seven-person entourage before the game and offered (Phil) Jackson the opportunity to fire up the team by telling players, 'Regis is in the house.' Philbin also asked (Kobe) Bryant to pound his chest after making his first shot, which he did after making a three-pointer in the first quarter and looking over to Philbin in the second row"

"I always say Manny [Ramirez] is a strange guy. Outwardly, he's happy-go-lucky. On the inside, he's got a lot of conspiracy theories going on. I would say Manny might be one of these guys when he's 50 years old, he might be in his house with all the blinds shut kind of looking out like the CIA's out there. You don't know, man. I mean, you don't know what's going on in the interior with him. So you don't worry about it."
-- Bronson Arroyo

"You didn't write a story about my Hall of Fame induction. You guys never report the good stuff that I do."
-- Albert Belle, who has never been inducted into the Hall, on his recent stalking charge

"I'm sure he is embarrassed by the situation. There's nothing he can do about it now except to make sure that he is aware of where his weapons are."
-- Nate McMillan on Blazers' PG Sebastian Telfair's concealed weapons charge

"Count me among those who don't care about them and won't watch them. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world's greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention."
-- Bryant Gumbel on HBO's "Real Sports"

"It's the same with [Nomar] Garciaparra playing for Mexico. Garciaparra only knows Cancun because he went to visit."
-- Ozzie Guillen on MLB players trying to decide which WBC team to play for

"I think it's better to buy real estate than say, a yellow and purple Corvette or an elephant that can speak sign language. My parents help me out a lot with that stuff. They don't want to see me when I'm 30, dead broke, selling bootleg tapes of my snowboard movies on the side of the freeway."
-- Olympic gold medalist Shaun White on how he spends his endorsement money

"Just because I got traded doesn't mean we'll be able to compete with the Spurs and Pistons right away."
-- Jalen Rose on his trade to 14-34 Knicks

"Looking back, there may have been a few things I would have done differently."
-- Former Raptors GM Rob Babcock

"I despise cool. I've never seen one frickin' person who was cool who I liked."
-- Roy Williams explaining why he benched his starters Tuesday night

"In some way, Jerome [Bettis] has touched every person on this team."
-- Hines Ward

"I've been in the closet with it for a while. I don't know, guess I would have to say I'm the rookie of the year."
-- Kevin Federline on the projected success of his upcoming album

"Teach math classes in elementary schools throughout the country."
-- Ron Artest on his New Year's resolution

"It was very tacky on the prosecuting attorney's part. Usually, you get two or three weeks so we can at least prepare, but he must not have kids. He's not a very nice guy, anyway."
-- John Daly on his wife getting arrested before the Buick Invitational

"This deal totally shifts the balance of power in the East. Now we can add the Celtics to the list of teams that UConn could beat."
-- Charles Barkley on the recent Celtics trade

"People touching me. On our team, we got a lot of young guys and they always want to poke at you and tickle you and stuff, and I really hate that."
-- Eddy Curry on his pet peeves

"They should have focused more on me."
-- Sebastian Telfair of the Portland Trailblazers, giving his opinion of the ESPN documentary "Through the Fire" about ... him

"I'm not a very good player, but I will bring a presence [where] there's not many cliques. If there's an intangible, I bring that intangible."
-- Kevin Millar on why he is the Tom Brady of the Baltimore Orioles

"It's what he's done his whole career."
-- Nets coach Lawrence Frank on Vince Carter stepping up his game when needed

"I may not be a class act, but I'm an American."
-- Ron Artest on wanting to play for the Olympic team

"Anytime you bring Michael Olowokandi on to your team, disaster is soon to follow." -- Bill Walton

"I felt like I could ride this one into the sunset."
-- Mike Martz on the end of his tenure with the St. Louis Rams

"I'm not going to argue with you, Ernie. I'll hit you in the left eye."
-- Charles Barkley to Ernie Johnson during halftime of the Cleveland-Houston game on TNT

"He's always been good to my family, we have talked on special occasions. We're still giving each other advice."
-- LeBron James on Maurice Clarett

"I told them we're bowl-eligible. We've got seven wins."
-- Larry Brown on his New Year's message to the Knicks

"I'm not the best rapper in the NBA. Elton Brand is better than me. Stephen Jackson is better than me. Troy Hudson is nice. Troy Hudson has fire."
-- Ron Artest

"I must have made him mad ... I stole his cheeseburger or something. I was surprised. I kind of laughed. I enjoy when people hate me. That makes me happy, so he's made my whole week."
-- Bears C Olin Kreutz responding to Vikings DT Pat Williams calling Kruetz "nothing but a joke"

"Honestly, this is probably going to strike a nerve with a lot of people. But my most memorable Christmas memory was having all of my uncles and aunties out of prison for one Christmas, and that includes me. We had a lot of run-ins with the law, and to have us all out at one time was great."
-- Wizards forward Caron Butler

"Ray Lewis is the type of guy, if he were in a fight with a bear I wouldn't help him, I'd pour honey on him because he likes to fight. That's the type of guy Ray Lewis is."
-- Shannon Sharpe

"I'm experiencing an unusual feeling. I think it's called being humbled."
-- Bono on being named one of Time's Persons of the Year

"Wells Fargo will contribute $5,000 to the 49ers Foundation to help under-served youth in the Bay Area for every 49ers touchdown scored this season. [Pause] There's going to be a lot of sad kids."
-- Joe Starkey, 49ers radio broadcaster

"I think my record is going to speak for itself to the Creed fans. I think it's going to be like when Sting left The Police."
-- Scott Stapp

"I'm traveling to all 51 states to see who can stop 85."
-- Chad Johnson

"I've been clean since I've been in the league, I've been clean since I've been in college, I've been clean since I've been in high school, middle school, elementary school. I'm just cleaner than clean. I'm cleaner than Pine-Sol."
-- Sonics F Reggie Evans in response to the drug test he was required to take at halftime

"Was that one of the more satisfying dumps you've had?"
-- Sideline reporter Suzy Shuster to Nebraska head coach Bill Callahan after he was doused with Gatorade

"When you're kind of the ugly stepsister, you just go to the prom with whoever asks you."
-- Miami Hurricanes coach Larry Coker on not playing in a BCS bowl

"311, I am ready to fight."
-- Scott Stapp announcing his intentions to a 311 bandmember

"Because this is football, man. This is the game you love, man. We was playing this game for free when we was born. It ain't all about the bread, you know?"
-- Charles Rogers on how he could produce for a team that's trying to take back more than $10 million from him

"We're like Tim Duncan and David Robinson. But a younger version. I really feel that."
-- Charlie Villanueva on playing alongside Chris Bosh

"By the time we got [to Detroit], it was almost 2 in the morning, because ain't nothing open but hospitals, jails and legs."
-- Jalen Rose

"I'm telling you, Darko is a Serbian gangster. Darko's got some bodies back there [in Serbia-Montenegro]. He can go psycho on guys."
-- Rasheed Wallace on teammate Darko Milicic

"I cherished getting kicked out of school. It was a great thing. I became a millionaire."
-- Heat G Jason Williams on what he cherishes about his days at the University of Florida

"He's not 20 years old. No way. I'm going to have to see a birth certificate or something."
-- Antawn Jamison, on LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers

"This, of course, can in some way hurt his career as a professional ballplayer ... "
-- Ugueth Urbina's defense lawyer, Jose Luis Tamayo, commenting on Urbina being charged with attempted murder

"Live every moment to the fullest and love like you'll never be hurt."
-- Renee Thomas, Panthers cheerleader, on the most important thing in life, according to her profile

"If they let the cheerleaders date the players, then they wouldn't have to go make out with each other."
-- Cris Carter trying to make sense of the Carolina cheerleaders scandal on "Inside the NFL"

"Maybe I'll buy a chocolate factory."
-- Andrei Kirilenko on what to buy with his new max-money contract

"My prediction is that y'all gonna hate on the style we create, straight 2008."
-- Kevin Federline on his upcoming rap album

"He can become like a thumb that you need to suck when trouble's going on, and you just stick it back in your mouth. You don't want [his teammates] to do that with Kobe."
-- Phil Jackson on Kobe Bryant

"Alice and I wanted to have a name that was exotic and American and which stood for something good, because our son is exotic and he's American and we both think he's good. But having said that, I always liked the sound of the name. It has kind of a magical ring to it: Abracadabra Kal-El Shazam!"
-- Nicolas Cage on naming his son Kal-El

"Ain't no power down there, you know? I was headed down South, but when they told me they had no power and a curfew [laugh] ... Edge needs power and Edge don't need no curfew. Edge time is Edge time."
-- Edgerrin James on why he didn't go to Florida during his bye week

"Only if you don't count 'Top Gun.'"
-- Val Kilmer, in response to whether he's ever played a gay character before his new movie "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang"

"We don't know where the cutoff is, maybe if you earn less than $8 million, you'll get a scholarship from the commissioner."
-- David Stern's answer to Marcus Camby's request for a clothing stipend

"My dad, Sylvester Stallone and the Pope."
-- Vinny Testaverde's answer when asked who he would pick if he could have dinner with any three people in the world

"Sometimes, you wake up and you say, 'Man, I didn't have anything to drink last night. I didn't have anything fattening. So why do I want to puke?' Then you realize, 'Oh, that's right.' You start remembering what's going on in your life."
-- Vikings coach Mike Tice

"I'm not really understanding a baseball game. I know a couple rules, but not all the rules. I like to see those fans. I can feel the heat."
-- Yao Ming on baseball

"I don't think it's too likely, because I'm not a very good basketball player."
-- Mark Pope on his chances of making the Nuggets' roster

"Oh no. None of that. Sex? What are you talking about? That's crazy. Look man, I'm engaged. That would put me in trouble."
-- Viking Mewelde Moore when questioned about the activities on the boats several Vikings players chartered.

"You want me to take the time to count 'em? No comment."
-- Jalen Rose, when asked how many of his Raptors teammates are question marks

"Every time that I have ever tried to help a woman out, I have been incarcerated."
-- Jose Canseco on "The Surreal Life"

"It was another 'Nip/Tuck' game, which you can see on Fox, and now we're heading back to 'The OC' which you can also see on Fox."
-- Chris Myers closing out his postgame report after a White Sox-Angels game

"I don't see it happening unless every NBA player is given a stipend to buy clothes."
-- Marcus Camby (who will make $7.15 million this season) on the NBA invoking a new dress code

"This is my first summer [with] no trouble. I ain't go to jail for speeding. Didn't go to jail for DUI. I didn't break my foot. I didn't break my other foot. I'm one step ahead of the game already."
-- Kwame Brown

"The one thing I've noticed about our new uniforms is the players aren't complaining too much. If they're happy, we're happy. Even Stephen Jackson looks good."
-- Larry Bird on the Pacers' new uniforms

"You better go stand after a tree full of birds."
-- My Uncle Rick's e-mail after the Red Sox lost to Chicago in the ALDS

"Bud Light."
-- St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Chris Carpenter when asked to name his favorite pitcher.

"Half is not enough protection, half is my fault and half is them just doing a good job. I know it's 150 percent, but I'm a little tired now."
-- Marc Bulger

"It's not how you go into the party. It's how you go out."
-- Manny Ramirez on the Red Sox-Yankees series.

"I'd fire him."
-- Former 76ers owner Pat Croce, asked what he'd do to Raptors GM Rob Babcock if he worked for him.

"There's nothing to say. The game's over. It's not going to change the score."
-- Steelers president Dan Rooney on the 52 seconds that were mistakenly added to the game clock in the Patriots' 23-20 win over Pittsburgh

"You think every hitter out there wins a Gold Glove? Dude, Jose Canseco won an MVP."
-- David Ortiz, as quoted in the New York Times

"I'm very rarely beyond words, and I am right now."
-- John O'Hurley after learning he had won his rematch against Kelly Monaco on "Dancing with the Stars"

''I can't say that I am."
-- Mike Timlin when asked by the Boston Globe if he is operating on fumes after giving up three earned runs to the Devil Rays

"Pretty much, I think so. Yeah."
-- Barry Bonds on whether or not Congress is wasting its time looking into steroids in sports

"A completely magical bend of enchanting scents and flavors, with a hint of cupcakes."
-- Britney Spears on her new fragrance "Fantasy Britney Spears"

"Even bad teams have optimism. You don't want to take away the optimism so early in the season. The Bad News Bears coach wouldn't even tell [his team] that."
-- Jalen Rose on Raptors GM Rob Babcock's negative comments about the upcoming season

"It was exciting and actually a turning point in our relationship. It was exciting because it was Fenway Park."
-- Jose's ex-wife Jessica Canseco commenting on having sex in an office in Fenway

"He said on the mound he didn't try to hit me. I just looked at him and said, 'Come on man.' It really hurt. He nearly took my nipple off."
-- Blue Jays 1B Eric Hinske, whose right nipple was taped and iced after being plunked by Keith Foulke

"Terrell Owens, Donovan McNabb ... "
-- Michele Tafoya starting her sideline report with 3:02 left in the first half of last night's Philly-Atlanta game

"I'm really excited to make this decision. I'm a guy who believes strongly in education, and this decision was based strongly in academics."
-- Myron Rolle, after committing to Florida State

"That bullet is a tribal mark, orientation, something we all gotta get sometimes -- just as long as we don't die, it's fine."
-- Rapper Petey Pablo discussing the Suge Knight shooting

"You folks at home laughing at me, here's what I want you to do: Take an egg timer. Go into the kitchen for three minutes. I want you to turn around, dance on the floor, and then throw punches and imagine someone coming at you. You tell me they're not athletes."
-- Brent Musburger on boxers not being considered athletes

"I'm definitely playing next year. That's my ace in the hole. It's a little hard to sit back and watch the guys [this season], but it's easier knowing I've got something to look forward to."
-- Tedy Bruschi on his status with the Patriots after suffering a minor stroke

"I've heard it from tons of people. It's not just me saying this. ... Something's going on because they hit so good at home."
-- Mark Buehrle accusing the Rangers of using a high-tech light system in center field to steal signs

"His initials are PG, but I want him to be rated R."
-- Damon Stoudamire on new teammate Pau Gasol

"I'll find it eventually. I do things differently. I play with myself up there and eventually I'll find it. The last two innings I had it."
-- Pedro Martinez on how he found his groove after his last start against the Nationals

"I wish all the mean people, if you want to be mean to each other, just buy a country together and blow each other up. Then we'd have no terrorists left. Like, don't kill innocent people for no reason. It's not fair. We love everybody. We'd even like them if they said they're sorry. It's not fair that innocent people are getting hurt. It makes me sad."
-- Tara Reid commenting on the London bombings in an episode of "Taradise"

"I got cast because I did a good job. I was the actress they wanted. They didn't hire me cause they thought, 'Oh, you're hot.'"
-- Jessica Alba explaining why she was cast for the role of a scantily-clad stripper in "Sin City"

"I love the way he pitches. He's a gamer, he's a leader. He's what I call a good cocky. He wants it, and it's good for our club."
-- Phillies manager Charlie Manuel on Ugueth Urbina

"I felt like the 'P' was coming between me and my fans. We had to simplify it. It was, you know, during concerts and half the crowd saying 'P. Diddy' and half the crowd chanting 'Diddy.' Now everybody can just chant 'Diddy.'"
-- Rapper Sean Combs explaining why he now wants to be called "Diddy" instead of "P. Diddy"

"Everywhere I go, I hear 'Welcome back.' But everywhere I have been, I have always been with myself. I'm with myself now more than ever. It's funny people say 'Welcome back' when I haven't gone anywhere."
-- Ricky Williams

"It's just like Tom Brady. If you had a fantasy football draft, he'd be your eighth, ninth, 10th quarterback picked. You'd want to take [Daunte] Culpepper, and you'll finish in third place. You want to take [Michael] Vick and Peyton Manning and all these guys. I may not hit a home run the rest of this year and we might win the World Series. And I'm a part of this team. Somehow, somewhere, I bring something."
-- Kevin Millar on how he is the Tom Brady of the Red Sox

"Don't say I don't get along with my teammates. I just don't get along with some of the guys on the team."
-- Terrell Owens

"Every decade has had some taint."
-- Baseball commish Bud Selig downplaying the long-term effects of the current steroids problem

"He invited me into the house for a little bit. There he was with his tight little shorts, no shirt and his little red hat. He was doing some farming or something. He was covered in dirt. It was awesome."
-- JP Losman on meeting Brett Favre

"It's amazing Jose Canseco is going to end up being Woodward and Bernstein in this situation. He's turning baseball upside down."
-- "Best Damn Sports Show Period" host Chris Rose

"Why shouldn't I tell the truth? I ain't trying to get no Pepsi commercial."
-- Gary Sheffield responding to negative feedback from his comments about the problems in the Yankees' clubhouse

"You know, they want me to get traded now because things are getting good. Same things that happened at every other team I was on. As soon as everybody started being players, then I get the boot."
-- Stephon Marbury on recent trade rumors about him.

"If you throw at someone's head, it's very dangerous, because in the head is the brain."
-- Pudge Rodriguez to AM 1270 WXYT in Detroit.

"The sun has been there for 500, 600 years ... "
-- Mets outfielder Mike Cameron, after teammate Carlos Beltran lost a ball in the sun against the Dodgers

"Let me start by telling you this: I have never used steroids. Period. I don't know how to say it any more clearly than that. Never."
-- Rafael Palmeiro, recently suspended for using steroids, in his opening statement to Congress on March 17

"I needed a rest anyway."
-- Andrew Bogut after getting ejected from a summer league game

"They always put the smart guys out in right field. That's where I used to play."
-- Jose Canseco on where "Surreal Life" castmember Bronson Pinchot would play if he was on a baseball team

"You're not going to play for me if you don't put out."
-- Mets manager Willie Randolph

"How can you not root for a guy like that?"
-- Alex Rodriguez, referring to Jason Giambi, admitted steroid user and cheater

"I don't know if it's the low point of the season or not. We've played some bad games and rebounded and I suspect we will again. I'm not going to blow this out of perspective."
-- Pirates manager Lloyd McClendon

"I just talked to a gentleman named Jimmy, who's involved with club Jenna, you know, Jenna Jameson. They said they were interested in getting me involved in that kind of business as well."
-- Mike Tyson when asked about his career options after boxing

"I have not had second thoughts. I skipped right past second and have had third, fourth, fifth, and so on."
-- Gabe Kapler on his decision to leave the Red Sox last winter to play in Japan

"My season is when I get paid. I'm not doing that."
-- Yankees OF Gary Sheffield when asked whether he would participate in next year's World Baseball Classic

''I believe those issues signed with another team."
-- Terry Francona, when asked whether there were any issues that might prevent anyone on the Red Sox from returning on time from the All-Star break

"Sex is great, if you are in a relationship. Otherwise, I find sex actually not so interesting. Without a relationship it is confusing."
-- Tom Cruise to Bild Magazine

"I think if he was 6-foot-2, he probably would have been the No. 1 pick in the draft or the No. 2 pick in the draft."
-- Isiah Thomas on Knicks No. 1 pick Nate Robinson

"I feel very Dominican."
-- Alex Rodriguez when asked which team he would play for in the inaugural World Baseball Classic in 2006

"The average fan doesn't study the draft and players like we do" -- Raptors GM Rob Babcock, who drafted Charlie Villenueva 7th in 2005, Rafael Araujo 8th in 2004, signed Rafer Alston to a $6 million per year contract and traded Vince Carter

"Yes, of course. Are you really so arrogant as to believe we are alone in this universe?"
-- Tom Cruise when asked whether he believed in aliens

"We don't want you at the rink, we don't want you in the stadium, we don't want you to watch hockey."
-- Jeremy Roenick, responding to people who think players' greed caused the lockout

"Thank God."
-- Jason Giambi's reaction to his game-winning hit that prevented a sweep at the hands of the Mets

"If I were Katie Holmes' father -- and God knows, having just turned 48 last week, I'm old enough to be -- I'd be a little bit worried about this Tom Cruise weirdo."
-- SI's Peter King

"I've dominated at every level I've played at and the Bucks need a center. I think people keep saying I can't be No. 1 because of the myth of the great white stiff."
-- Andrew Bogut on why the Bucks should take him first in the NBA Draft

"On a scale of one to 10, I would say 60 to 65 percent."
-- NBA union rep Billy Hunter, talking about how far apart the union and the owners are on the issues in the current NBA collective bargaining agreement negotiations

"The Yankees came from behind to beat the Pirates 7-5. Tony Randazzo got the win for the Yanks."
-- Mets play-by-play announcer Gary Cohen while doing the out-of-town scoreboard on Thursday afternoon, referring to first-base umpire Tony Randazzo's blown call in the ninth inning on Wednesday night

"If a fan comes on the field, we're gonna beat him down."
-- White Sox OF Carl Everett when asked how he would handle a fan interrupting a game in the July issue of Maxim

"Is Mario Ginobli like the first Italian NBA player?"
-- My Mom e-mailing me for information on Manu Ginobili

"No. Well, sometimes I am. But I'm fun crazy."
-- White Sox OF Carl Everett when asked if he is crazy in the July issue of Maxim

"Probably the thing I took the most away from that was how much of a different person Doc is out of season. In season, he's Doc, but during the off-season my name for him is 'The D-O-C.'"
-- Celtics center Kendrick Perkins on hanging out with Doc Rivers during a Pistons-Heat game in Miami

"I hate him. Everybody says I'm supposed to be polite when I talk to you all, but I hate him. He talks too much, he doesn't make sense, he's fat, he's sloppy, he acts like he's the best thing since sliced bread. He's ugly, he stinks, his mouth stinks, his breath stinks, and basically his soul stinks, too. Not too many people have personalities like that and survive in life. I don't know how he does it."
-- Panthers DT Kris Jenkins on Warren Sapp

"I think it's going to turn out well. So many guys, they do get pedicures, manicures, waxing ... not a lot of guys, but guys do."
-- Johnny Damon in his appearance in "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" this week

"We wanted this one bad. It's just another game, but it was a little more meaningful with all the media around and the attention. So, it was fun today."
-- Cardinals pitcher Matt Morris after apparently thinking that he won Game 5 of the 2004 World Series against the Red Sox last night

"Therapy is a good thing ... it can be therapeutic."
-- Alex Rodriguez

''I don't do anything but go out there and hit once in a while, so I've got to get people to know me. The best way to get people to know me is to produce at the right time."
-- David Ortiz (one of the most popular Red Sox players of all time) after Thursday's walk-off homer

''He's an actor, not an athlete. I didn't buy him as a quarterback. I didn't buy him as a linebacker in 'The Waterboy' either. He's just so stiff, especially when he drops back to pass. Really stiff. He reminds me of Kurt Warner."
-- Kevan Barlow on Adam Sandler's performance in "The Longest Yard"

"He's one of the best power forwards of all-time. I take my hands off to him."
-- Scottie Pippen, talking about Tim Duncan on ESPN

"You know what? I'm sure drug dealers on the street in some way, they're making money. That's what I equate it to. Here's the thing you have to understand with psychiatry. There is no science behind it. And to pretend that there is a science behind it is criminal."
-- Tom Cruise on the evils of psychiatry

"I'm just gonna go up there and give 110 percent. That's all you can give."
-- Brad getting ready for his challenge in MTV's "Inferno II."

"I've had to overcome a lot of diversity."
-- Drew Gooden discussing his NBA career.

"I've taken a lot of crap from a lot of people. Probably more than anybody in the history of this sport. I know Hank [Aaron] and Jackie [Robinson] took a good deal of crap, but I guarantee it wasn't for six years. I just keep thinking: How much am I supposed to take?"
-- John Rocker

"I wouldn't do the 'Magic Hour' again, but I would do TV again. The 'Magic Hour' is not me. Anything I would do, I would have to be me. That is how it would work."
-- Magic Johnson

"Isiah Thomas is building a championship team ... too bad it's in San Antonio."
-- Charles Barkley on Nazr Mohammed

"Congratulations, you're a meathead, son. But don't ever put your hands on my underwear again."
-- Brad lashing out at The Miz for giving him a drunken wedgie on "The Inferno II"

"I've always been competitive, I've always been in sports. I couldn't see myself not being the biggest dope man."
-- Nate Newton on selling drugs

"I didn't really like him that much when he was doing TV, but then I saw 'Varsity Blues' and got such a respect for him as a person. He was so good. I cried in that movie."
-- AJ from the Backstreet Boys on James Van Der Beek

"I'm always trying to see what the joke is, so I miss the play that's called and I've got to ask a teammate."
-- Joe Johnson on Phoenix's gorilla mascot

"He had to cut the wind with his balls, which is something we had to see."
-- 49ers coach Mike Nolan, commenting on the team's private workout with Alex Smith before the 2005 draft

"Nothing happens today ain't going to affect July, August, September. Santana [Moss] calls me everyday: 'Man, what y'all do today?' I'm like: 'Man, we ain't did nothing. We're doing the same thing you're doing in Miami, running and working out. You ain't missed nothing.'"
-- Clinton Portis on minicamp

"He might've won the war, but the battle's not over."
-- Cadillac Williams on his friendly competition with Auburn teammate Ronnie Brown, who was picked three spots higher than him in the 2005 NFL Draft

"This round, here, to me, is the deciding round."
-- Sly Stallone giving his take to Sugar Ray Leonard before the fifth and final round of last night's 'Contender' bout between Ishe and Sergio (who had clearly split the previous four rounds)

"I saw what the governor makes. That's like four hands of blackjack."
-- Charles Barkley on why he wasn't seriously considering becoming the governor of Alabama

"I was really wrong about Vince Carter. The guy's a gamer, and he can play."
-- Sports Illustrated's Peter King

"There are things you can't get in Vancouver, like Cap'n Crunch."
-- Tony Massenburg on why he didn't like Vancouver when he played there

"It moisturizes my situation and maintains my sexy."
-- P. Diddy in an infomercial for Proactiv skin care

Quotes of the Day Archive, Vol. 1

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