DJ Gallo's Varsity Tailgate, Week 8
It's Week 8 of the college football season and the BCS computer has finally weighed in. It's about time. My laptop has been doing that for weeks.
Game of the Week
Tennessee at No. 2 Alabama -- 12:00 p.m. ET on CBS
Volunteers quarterback Jonathan Crompton is coming off his career-best game. The Volunteers are rested after a bye week. Is an upset possible? Well, the SEC officials who did the Florida-Arkansas game aren't doing this one. So ... yes! It could happen!
One More Game of the Week
No. 8 TCU at No. 16 BYU -- 7:30 p.m. ET on Versus
This is the only game of the week featuring two teams ranked in the Top 25 of the BCS standings. They're both Mountain West teams. Yet the Mountain West doesn't get an automatic bid to a BCS bowl. NCAA football, ladies and gentlemen!
Yet Another Game of the Week
No. 3 Texas at Missouri -- 8:00 p.m. ET on ABC
This is Missouri's homecoming game. Missouri proudly claims to have started the concept of homecoming in 1911. Perhaps. But it clearly didn't start the concept of scheduling an easily beatable opponent for homecoming. The school that did that deserves the real credit. Bringing alumni back to get humiliated isn't really something to be proud of, you know.
Cupcake of the Week
AkronMost teams are playing in conference this week, meaning the cupcake selection isn't great. So Akron (1-5, 0-3) of the MAC is the pick. The Zips were scheduled for the Carrier Dome this week by Syracuse (2-4, 0-2).
(Note: Please feel free to transpose the teams in the paragraph above if you'd like.)
Cupcake Recipe of the Week
So delicious they just might knock you over!
Rivalry Game of the Week
Boston College at Notre Dame -- 3:30 p.m. ET on NBC
It's the Holy War. Only Boston College has won the past six meetings dating back to 2000. The Holy War has been Wholly Uncompetitive.
Heisman Candidate of the Week
Dion Lewis, RB, Pitt
Pitt's true freshman running back has 918 rushing yards and 10 touchdowns in his first seven games. He's on pace to pass LeSean McCoy, Tony Dorsett and Larry Fitzgerald for most touchdowns from a freshman in school history. Not impressed? What -- you think you have a better candidate? Yeah, I didn't think so. No one does. That's the problem.
Tim Tebow Fact of the Week
Tim Tebow was born in 1987 in the Philippines. Also in 1987 in the Philippines a new constitution was adopted that weakened the power of the government and gave more power to the citizens. Another "coincidence"? I think not.
Mascot Fact of the Week
Minnesota's Goldy Gopher hates prayin'. OK, maybe "hates" is too strong a word. But, yeah, let's cut the mustelid some slack. If the creator of the universe had created you to look like this ridiculous, you might be bitter, too.
Tailgate Tip of the Week
Wear layers
It's getting colder every day, and layers keep you warm during a long tailgate. Plus, if you get really drunk and decide to do something stupid like streak the field, in the time it will take you to shed all your layers, your friends will probably stop you. Although they'll probably also be drunk and egging you on. Security then. Stadium security will stop you.
Quote of the Week
"Maybe we're just under the moon right now because baseball has had a tough couple of weeks, also. It goes in cycles, believe me."
-- Dave Parry, college football's national coordinator of officials, on poor officiating.
So if you've ever wondered why officiating is so bad around sports and those in charge seem to do nothing to fix it, stop wondering. Because it's MYSTICAL. It can never be understood!
Stat of the Week
4-10-0
No. 13 Penn State is 4-10-0 all-time against Michigan (3:30 p.m. ET on ABC). It's the program's worst record all-time against an opponent it's played at least 10 times. Thankfully for Penn State, Joe Paterno will be around plenty long enough to get that record to .500 or better.
Charlie Weis Hot Seat Temperature
Warming
Moral victories against USC don't placate the boosters anymore. He needs to win out the rest of the regular season and squeak into a BCS bowl. A moral victory there should do nicely.
Lane Kiffin NCAA Violation of the Week
None
But Kiffin is bringing more of his SEC brethren over to his side. Nick Saban of Alabama, whom Kiffin will coach against this week, got into some trouble for having his kicker use a bit of tape to spot kicks against South Carolina. Saban has promised not to do it again. And that's bad news for Alabama. That small bit of adhesive is all that has ever kept Saban from leaving for another job.
Worst Game of the Week
Ball State at Eastern Michigan
These teams are a combined 0-13 and 0-6 in MAC play. Being winless this late in the season is pretty hopeless for a football team. The worst part: Neither team has the Redskins on its schedule.
Name of the Week
Shavodrick Beaver, QB, Tulsa
Let's just say it's good he doesn't shorten his first name in any way.
Player of the Week
Terrelle Pryor, QB, Ohio State
Some Ohio State fans are demanding that Terrelle Pryor be benched. This from a fan base which in recent years has sat through Todd Boeckman, Justin Zwick and Craig Krenzel. Has Pryor been noticeably worse than those guys? Really? Wow. I need to make a point to start watching more Buckeyes football. Pryor's play must be something to behold.
Stone Cold Lock of the Week
We will find out that LeBron James' advice to Terrelle Pryor was: "Hey, this football thing obviously isn't working out. We could use an athletic swingman on the Cavs. You can start next week. Consider it."
DJ Gallo is the founder of and sole writer for the sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He also is a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion and Cracked. His first book, "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck," is on sale now.
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