Been there, done that

Brandon Weeden and his Oklahoma State teammates should have a BCS advantage over Alabama because the Cowboys have not already lost to LSU. John Albright/Icon SMI

Man, these SEC fans are good. The hate email came in before the column was even finished.

Hey Reilly:

I hope you get gangrene on your nose. Your so-called "article" ridiculing an LSU-Alabama rematch for the national championship was stupid. Just because you thought the first one was "boring" does not mean these are not the two best teams. Go back to your spider hole.

--Jimmy Tomjack, Birmingham, Ala.

The first LSU-Alabama game was more boring than Tim Tebow's porn stash. To play another one will be like remaking "J. Edgar" or attending a goiter convention.

But that's not why there should be no Dullapalooza II on Jan. 9 in the Superdome. There shouldn't be one because it makes the BCS honchos liars. This is their Twitter handle: @EveryGameCounts. But how can every game count if it doesn't matter who won the first one?

If you remember, LSU won the first game -- which resembled hippos taking a mud bath -- 9-6 (in OT, no less), in Tuscaloosa. Didn't hurt the Tide any. They're going to get a mulligan if we don't stop it. You have to figure, too, that, if Alabama had won, then LSU would only have one loss and the Tigers would get the redo. This is because, apparently, no conference can really play football in this country except the SEC, which invented the sport in 2006.

Meanwhile, four one-loss teams that didn't get two shots at the title will be playing in the Black Friday Pepper Spray Bowl. Afterward, they'll tweet about it at @EveryGameCountsUnlessAnSECTeamLoses.

Dear Communist:

You have the brains of half a worm. It's true that Alabama didn't qualify for their own conference title game, but they're still the second-best team in the country by a country mile. Go drink a can of Raid.

--Jacktom Jimmy, Tuscaloosa, Ala.

Sorry. Alabama playing in the title game is bonkers. A team that didn't even make its conference title game will be playing in the national title game? It's like Rick Perry withdrawing from the primaries and then going up against President Obama.

But imagine how idiotic this system is through LSU's binoculars. While the Bayou Bengals are beating their brains out against Georgia in the conference title game this Saturday at the Georgia Dome -- aka, the crime scene -- Alabama will be enjoying chicken wings and "Tosh.0" reruns and resting up.

"I won't lie to you," Alabama linebacker Dont'a Hightower told The Associated Press. "It's going to be good to get a week off. A lot of guys are banged up."

Welcome to BCS logic.

Of course, if Alabama wins Walking Dead II, the Tide will be … what? National champions? How? They'll have one loss, same as all the other contenders. They'll have split the home-and-home series with LSU. They won't even have won their SEC division, much less their conference. Yet they could wind up petting the crystal football.

Wouldn't that be special?

Yo, jackwagon:

You rail against a rematch, but who would you rather have play LSU? There's nobody else. Even No. 3 Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy said this week that he wouldn't vote his team No. 2. Go pound tumbleweeds.

--Tommy Jim, Jackson, Ala.

Whom would I rather see? Any team that hasn't already blown its chance.

LSU vs. Oklahoma State (if the Cowboys beat Oklahoma on Saturday) would be tasty. And Gundy did say he'd consider his team for No. 2 if it beat OU.

Just to introduce you to OSU. An offense that scores approximately every 11.3 seconds. A strength of schedule ranked 10th, compared with Alabama's at 38th. A team whose only loss was in double overtime to Iowa State the same week an OSU school plane crashed, killing two women's basketball coaches. A school that beat five teams with winning records to Alabama's three. A team with four wins over BCS top 25 teams to Alabama's two. Hello?

Or what about Stanford-LSU? Like the Houndstooths, the Cardinal only have one loss, theirs to an Oregon team faster than 4G. You don't think a Stanford team led by Heisman Trophy shoo-in QB Andrew Luck wouldn't make any SEC defense wonder whether to scream or go bowling?

What about LSU-Virginia Tech? The Hokies' only loss was to Clemson, which they could avenge Saturday in the ACC title game.

Or LSU vs. one-loss Boise State? The Broncos fell to TCU by just one point. You SEC fans remember Boise State, right? It went down south in Week 1 and beat Georgia? Georgia, the team that's one win from claiming your most holy and exalted SEC title?

With all these deserving teams, you still think Alabama should get another chance? You want Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian to remarry, too?

This SEC bias has to stop. The world of college football doesn't end at the Louisiana border.

The Rematch should make you want to Regurgitate. Two-thirds of the rankings are based on humans. Voters, be fair. We played this one already, and Alabama lost.

What, your TiVo broke?

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Rick Reilly is the 11-time National Sportswriter of the Year. He contributes essays and commentary to "Monday Night Countdown," "SportsCenter," and ESPN/ABC golf and tennis coverage. He's also the host of "Homecoming," ESPN's unique, one-hour interview show set in the hometowns of legendary athletes. For more Rick, check out the archive.

Feel like taking a detour from sane sports? Try Rick's latest book, "Sports from Hell."