The Morning According To Us

"Anybody knows Blanche was the superior Golden Girl." Getty Images

Look what you've done, Bill Belichick. Or is it Kelvin Sampson. Or Floyd Landis. Or…

Whomever it is, the kids apparently learned a thing or two. According to a new study, teens are cheating at unprecedented levels. and you thought those vagrants in the documentary Dazed and Confused were up to no good. According to new stats, 30 percent of students admitted to stealing from a store within the past year, 83 percent of public school and private religious school students admitted to lying to their parents about something significant and 64 percent said they had cheated on a test, compared to 60 percent in 2006.

What does this mean? It depends on whether it's a tour of Wall Street or the Tour de France. Because while cheating is up among the youth, fraud detection in sports is at a high point. You can say college coaches cheat, and that the problem is institutional, but let's remember that a coach just got fired for making too many calls from his personal cell phone. You think they had Barry Switzer's cell phone tracked in the 80's? Wait. Nevermind. And while Lance Armstrong is back in the Tour, he and every other rider will have to pee in a cup and have more blood drawn than Keith Richards at the clinic. The point is: people will always cheat, but have we ever taken more precautions against it?

Consider that a big legal issue with Armstrong is whether French authorities can go back and re-test blood drawn from Armstrong nearly a decade ago. You can see both sides there. One side wonders if Lance was ahead of the curve in terms of finding doping methods previously undetectable, while Armstrong's side wonders if the rider had maybe ingested the wrong cold medicine at the time. Many things that are now illegal were once taken for granted. Even in the NFL, players are facing 4-game suspensions for taking a weight loss supplement that has a banned substance—the only issue being, it's not even on the label! That one will likely head to the courts.

Either way, if the youth of America are cheating at unprecedented rates, they might as well keep it to copying off each other's tests and loading the answers into calculators. Sports circa right now is about as unwelcoming as it can be for the truly crafty.

And really, how the hell do you cheat the Wonderlic?


A deer goes all Tommy Boy on a hunter who assumed he'd bagged the fella.

Michael Ballack scores an epic nut shot. You need to watch.

Naturally, teams such as England's cricket squad have some newfound concerns about playing in India.

Get yer' Red Sox caskets here!

Topps gives a shout-out to the troops.