In case you were too busy hating yourself for needing to know if Kristen and Tom were still together and watched the reunion episode of "Vanderpump Rules" and missed out on sports, we've got you covered. Here's everything you missed last night.
A cold one
There are many perks to being an Olympic athlete -- representing your country in front of millions of people, the opportunity to win a coveted medal, competing against the world's best athletes, getting free beer from a beer fridge. If you're all like "winning a medal is cool and all, but what's this about a beer fridge?" then feast your eyes on this beautiful creation from Molson at the Team Canada House.
— Molson Canadian (@Molson_Canadian) February 9, 2014
To get a beer, all one has to do is scan her Canadian passport. And if you don't have a Canadian passport? You're fresh out of luck … or you could just befriend a friendly neighbor to the north or scream and cry about discrimination until someone finally gets one for you.
Your move, Budweiser.
It can't get any worse
As you've probably noticed by now, NBC's Bob Costas has been battling an eye infection during his time in Sochi. Luckily for him, that means he can down all the Russian vodka he so chooses without having to worry about his eyes getting any redder.
Thank you, Bob Costas, for teaching us this valuable lesson in always finding the silver lining.
Message in the snow
A day after former Missouri defensive lineman Michael Sam told the world he was gay, his alma mater publicly showed its support with a tribute at Memorial Stadium.
— Mizzou (@Mizzou) February 10, 2014
Just fine without you
LeBron James' rejection of the NBA All-Star Dunk Contest has become almost an annual tradition. The four-time league MVP has never participated in the event and likely never will. But that doesn't seems to stop him from teasing fans as he literally puts on his own clinic at least once a year as a not-so-subtle "REMEMBER ME?" The 2014 edition took place on Monday at the US Airways Center practice facility in Phoenix.
Sure, these dunks are impressive and all, but I've seen Paul George do more during an actual game. So there! WE DON'T NEED YOU, LEBRON.
Over the weekend, U.S. bobsledder Johnny Quinn made headlines after smashing his way through a jammed bathroom door in Sochi. On Monday, in what can only be explained as "it's Russia," Quinn and some teammates got trapped in an elevator.
— Nick Cunningham (@BOBSLEDR) February 10, 2014
Moral of the story: Never go anywhere with a closed door in Sochi. But if you do make that mistake, make sure Johnny Quinn is with you so you can be a part of the latest internet sensation.
If you feel like being absolutely terrified today, please watch this video from BBC reporter and former Olympic skier Graham Bell (not to be confused by the dude who invented the phone) as he takes on the downhill course in Sochi with a handheld camera.
I know times are tough, but why the BBC couldn't spring for a GoPro will remain one of the Olympic Games' great mysteries.
New Yankees pitcher Masahiro Tanaka decided he couldn't just fly first class from Japan to his Tuesday press conference in the Bronx. Instead he did what any self-respecting individual who just signed a nine-figure deal would do and rented his own 200-passenger charter jet for himself, his wife, three friends and his pet toy poodle for a cool $195,000. You know, what you'll make in salary over the next five years. No big deal.
Whew. Thank goodness he found some way to spend some of his $155 million contract. What a relief!
Only seven friends at his fifth birthday party
If you've already had enough of the overly dramatic Olympic athlete profiles that run every 7-9 minutes during the primetime broadcast, than this parody video from Yahoo is definitely for you.
See something worthy of inclusion on social media? Send it my way on Twitter, @darcymaine_espn.