In case you were too busy wondering why Jason Biggs' publicist hasn't shut down his Twitter account and missed out on sports, we've got you covered. Here's what everyone else was talking about last night.
Ovelenko: Gone in a flash
On Monday, the sports world grieved the loss of yet another power couple when tennis star Maria Kirilenko announced the end of her engagement to Washington Capitals superstar Alex Ovechkin after three years of dating. The world's No. 93 tennis player didn't offer up any details about the split in her announcement but thankfully spared us the standard "We remain the best of friends!" line. The pair's relative silence, however, has sparked global speculation and rumors because WE NEED TO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO TWO STRANGERS WE WILL NEVER MEET.
The Russian website R-Sport claims Kirilenko called off the wedding after pictures of Ovechkin with Olympic rhythmic gymnast Karolina Sevastyanova popped up on Instagram, posted by Sevastyanova herself and Russian basketball star Vitaly Fridzon.
Moral of the story: If you're a ridiculously famous person and are going to vacation with a ridiculously gorgeous woman who is not your fiancée, don't let the pictures land on social media.
R.I.P. Ovelenko. We'll miss you. Even if we did always need Google Translate to read your messages to each other.
Tony Dungy's so last century
Former Indianapolis Colts coach and current analyst Tony Dungy told The Tampa Bay Tribune that he wouldn't have selected Michael Sam in May's NFL draft. The first African-American coach to win a Super Bowl told Ira Kaufman, "I wouldn't have taken him. Not because I don't believe Michael Sam should have a chance to play, but I wouldn't want to deal with all of it. It's not going to be totally smooth ... things will happen."
Um. OK then. Considering Dungy was a firm supporter of Michael Vick after his release from prison and encouraged teams to sign the troubled quarterback, it doesn't seem like distractions have been an issue for him in the past. But I guess this is somehow different ... and probably not at all related to Dungy's past support of a proposed gay marriage ban in Indiana or anything.
Former players and noted equality advocates Chris Kluwe and Brendon Ayanbadejo were quick to share their opinions on Dungy's comments.
Tony Dungy, former head coach, says he wouldn't take gay player because "things would happen." Only if you let them, Tony. You're in charge.
- Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) July 21, 2014
- Brendon Ayanbadejo (@brendon310) July 21, 2014
Could someone please give Dungy the "It's 2014" memo? Thanks in advance.
Chipotle, here he comes
In sad news for Los Angeles Lakers fans who enjoy a good Vine or a decent player on the court, point guard Kendall Marshall was waived by the team. Marshall was promptly picked up the Milwaukee Bucks, and he took to Twitter to give his obligatory thanks to his former team and their fans. And then he thanked something far more important to his life: Chipotle. Obviously.
and lastly, I'd like to thank chipotle. I'm lookin forward to seein what the chipotles in MIL have to offer. #FearTheBeardedDeer
- Kendall Marshall (@KButter5) July 20, 2014
Luckily for Marshall, there are two Chipotle locations within the Milwaukee city limits so he should be just fine.
Cup of coffee, Arsenal?
For the first time in its storied history, Premier League powerhouse Arsenal is heading to New York City to take on the Red Bulls later this week. So naturally the squad thought the best way to commemorate the milestone was by filming team members doing their best New York accents. Spoiler alert: It's as painful to watch as you think it will be.
Fuhgeddaboudit? I really wish we could.
St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Shelby Miller showed off his summer-camp skills and participated in a trust fall from the right-field wall with teammates. Recently moved out of the starting rotation to relief to give him some much-needed rest, Miller apparently passed the initiation test with his fellow bullpenners and fell backward off the wall and into their arms.
And in good news for Cards fans, unlike any camp I ever attended, Miller was actually caught and didn't just horrifyingly land on the ground. So that must have been really nice for him.
'90s hits on the track
In what will likely become a new entry on Urban Dictionary for "Age Ain't Nothin' But a Number," a group of five men with a combined age of 467 set a handful of world records over the weekend at the U.S. Track and Field Masters Outdoor Championships. Champion Goldy Sr., 97, Orville Rogers, 96, Roy Englert, 92, Charles Ross, 91, and Charles Boyle, 91, set age-division marks in the 4x100, 4x400 and 4x800 relays on Sunday.
- Brant Wilkerson-New (@BrantWSJ) July 20, 2014
If you looked up "baller" in the dictionary this picture would be next to it. pic.twitter.com/VRE3E6nrnd
- Chris Nickinson (@chrisnickinson) July 20, 2014
And, sure, they may actually be the first team to ever compete in the 90-plus age group, but it should still serve as inspiration for anyone under 98 who is debating whether to go to the gym today.
See something worthy of inclusion on social media or just want to comment on one of today's stories? Send it my way on Twitter, @darcymaine_espn.