They say there's no offseason in the NFL. They also say don't let the bedbugs bite. But that helps me a lot less than the first quote, and I've never understood what a bedbug is. Is it just a normal bug that happens to be in a bed? Is that how we classify insects? By their location? Is there a picnic table bug? House bug? Fergie's hair bug? Or is this a specific kind of bug? One with fangs? Because that's the only way a bite from a bug would really matter. But I digress.
There's no offseason, and this list is Exhibit A. It's my way-too-early preseason Top 100. In it you'll note my best answers to many of the most pressing questions leading up to the 2010 season. Am I worried about who will quarterback the Arizona Cardinals? You're damn right I am. And Larry Fitzgerald gets a pretty low ranking as a result. Does LaDainian Tomlinson have anything left? I say not really, and my fairly high ranking of Shonn Greene and relatively low ranking of LDT are the results.
I've assumed some things in here, such as that the Bills will get rid of Marshawn Lynch and the Seahawks will commit to Justin Forsett as their every-down back. We are still not sure what to make of the Texans' running back situation, and as long as Tim Hightower is around, I'm not buying the "Beanie Wells is a second-rounder" talk. I say Brett Favre will come back (we'll never get rid of him), and that will help the value of guys such as Sidney Rice, Percy Harvin and Visanthe Shiancoe.
Health is always a big concern, so the injury status of a number of players such as Ronnie Brown, Kevin Smith and Wes Welker has hurt their values. If we see them healthier, they'll move up, just as Joe Flacco did. I'm pretty stoked about Anquan Boldin being in town. The Donovan McNabb trade is reflected here, as Kevin Kolb moves to one quarterback slot ahead of D-Mac, but we see serious upgrades for Santana Moss, Devin Thomas and Chris Cooley. Injuries, general ineffectiveness and the fact that we know that Redskins coach Mike Shanahan is likelier to wear the same tie two days in a row than to give the same running back consistent carries keeps Clinton Portis lower than he has ever been in his career, and neither Larry Johnson nor Willie Parker cracks the top 100.
We'll update this list again (and go deeper) after the NFL draft, but in the meantime, here's how I see the ranks shaking out as of April 8.
1. Chris Johnson, RB, Titans
2. Adrian Peterson, RB, Vikings
3. Maurice Jones-Drew, RB, Jaguars
4. Ray Rice, RB, Ravens
5. Drew Brees, QB, Saints
6. Michael Turner, RB, Falcons
7. Steven Jackson, RB, Rams
8. Frank Gore, RB, 49ers
9. Andre Johnson, WR, Texans
10. Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Steelers
11. Aaron Rodgers, QB, Packers
12. Ryan Grant, RB, Packers
13. Cedric Benson, RB, Bengals
14. Randy Moss, WR, Patriots
15. DeAngelo Williams, RB, Panthers
16. Reggie Wayne, WR, Colts
17. Miles Austin, WR, Cowboys
18. Calvin Johnson, WR, Lions
19. Peyton Manning, QB, Colts
20. Pierre Thomas, RB, Saints
21. Tom Brady, QB, Patriots
22. Shonn Greene, RB, Jets
23. Jamaal Charles, RB, Chiefs
24. DeSean Jackson, WR, Eagles
25. Vincent Jackson, WR, Chargers
26. Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Cardinals
27. Brandon Marshall, WR, Broncos
28. Matt Schaub, QB, Texans
29. Knowshon Moreno, RB, Broncos
30. LeSean McCoy, RB, Eagles
31. Jonathan Stewart, RB, Panthers
32. Philip Rivers, QB, Chargers
33. Roddy White, WR, Falcons
34. Justin Forsett, RB, Seahawks
35. Beanie Wells, RB, Cardinals
36. Sidney Rice, WR, Vikings
37. Steve Smith, WR, Giants
38. Marques Colston, WR, Saints
39. Anquan Boldin, WR, Ravens
40. Brett Favre, QB, Vikings
41. Tony Romo, QB, Cowboys
42. Steve Smith, WR, Panthers
43. Joseph Addai, RB, Colts
44. Michael Crabtree, WR, 49ers
45. Fred Jackson, RB, Bills
46. Santonio Holmes, WR, Steelers
47. Greg Jennings, WR, Packers
48. Dallas Clark, TE, Colts
49. Ronnie Brown, RB, Dolphins
50. Chad Ochocinco, WR, Bengals
51. Dwayne Bowe, WR, Chiefs
52. Antonio Gates, TE, Chargers
53. Jerome Harrison, RB, Browns
54. Percy Harvin, WR, Vikings
55. Steve Slaton, RB, Texans
56. Ricky Williams, RB, Dolphins
57. Ben Roethlisberger, QB, Steelers
58. Brandon Jacobs, RB, Giants
59. Brent Celek, TE, Eagles
60. Mike Sims-Walker, WR, Jaguars
61. Matt Forte, RB, Bears
62. Donald Driver, WR, Packers
63. Kenny Britt, WR, Titans
64. Devin Aromashodu, WR, Bears
65. Kevin Kolb, QB, Eagles
66. T.J. Houshmandzadeh, WR, Seahawks
67. Pierre Garcon, WR, Colts
68. Robert Meachem, WR, Saints
69. Santana Moss, WR, Redskins
70. Jeremy Maclin, WR, Eagles
71. Hines Ward, WR, Steelers
72. Felix Jones, RB, Cowboys
73. Darren McFadden, RB, Raiders
74. Vernon Davis, TE, 49ers
75. Joe Flacco, QB, Ravens
76. LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, Jets
77. Reggie Bush, RB, Saints
78. Donovan McNabb, QB, Redskins
79. Donald Brown, RB, Colts
80. Derrick Mason, WR, Ravens
81. Tony Gonzalez, TE, Falcons
82. Jerricho Cotchery, WR, Jets
83. Owen Daniels, TE, Texans
84. Hakeem Nicks, WR, Giants
85. Laurence Maroney, RB, Patriots
86. Braylon Edwards, WR, Jets
87. Eli Manning, QB, Giants
88. Jay Cutler, QB, Bears
89. Chris Cooley, TE, Redskins
90. Marion Barber, RB, Cowboys
91. Clinton Portis, RB, Redskins
92. Thomas Jones, RB, Jets
93. Steve Breaston, WR, Cardinals
94. Ahmad Bradshaw, RB, Giants
95. Jason Witten, TE, Cowboys
96. Chester Taylor, RB, Bears
97. Lee Evans, WR, Bills
98. Julian Edelman, WR, Patriots
99. Cadillac Williams, RB, Buccaneers
100. Visanthe Shiancoe, TE, Vikings
Matthew Berry -- The Talented Mr. Roto -- will tear up this list and restart many times between now and opening kickoff. He is the creator of RotoPass.com, a Web site that combines a bunch of well-known fantasy sites, including ESPN Insider, for one low price. Use promo code ESPN for 10 percent off. Cyberstalk the TMR | Be his Cyberfriend