As a rule, golfers are notoriously closed-lipped and conservative. But provide them with the cloak of anonymity, and watch them dish dirt like nobody's business. Get answers to some of your burning questions in this recent Golf Digest survey of PGA Tour golfers:
Who is the best joke-teller on the PGA Tour?
Todd Hamilton: 17 percent
Steve Elkington: 13 percent
Harrison Frazar: 8 percent
Neal Lancaster: 8 percent
Others receiving votes: Paul Azinger, Rich Beem, Tim Clark, Carlos Franco, Paul Goydos, Peter Jacobsen, Peter Lonard, Nick Price, Chris Riley, Boo Weekley
Who is the best athlete on tour?
Tiger Woods: 50 percent
Will MacKenzie: 12 percent
James Driscoll: 8 percent
"I am!": 8 percent
Others receiving votes: Brad Faxon ("before the knee injury"), Anthony Kim, Neal Lancaster, Camilo Villegas
Who is the best caddie on tour?
"Mine": 46 percent
Steve Williams (Tiger Woods): 15 percent
Jim "Bones" Mackay (Phil Mickelson): 12 percent
Others receiving votes: Tony Navarro (Adam Scott), Fred Sanders (Kenny Perry), Brett Waldman (Ben Crane).
Comment: "Ain't found him yet."
Including the years when you were growing up, have you ever asked for an athlete's autograph?
Yes: 78 percent
No: 22 percent
Comments: "Only one: Byron Nelson." ... "If I ever did, it's in the trash now."
Autographs tour players remember collecting: Johnny Bench, Larry Bird, Ron Cey, Fred Couples, Jack Nicklaus, Pete Rose, Tom Watson.
Who is the brightest guy on tour?
Joe Ogilvie: 50 percent
Paul Goydos: 13 percent
Tiger Woods: 13 percent
Others receiving votes: Padraig Harrington, Greg Norman, Chris Riley, Kirk Triplett
John McCain or Barack Obama (asked prior to the Nov. 4 election)?
McCain: 71 percent
Obama: 29 percent
Who has the worst temper on the tour?
Pat Perez: 28 percent
Woody Austin: 24 percent
Steve Flesch: 12 percent
Others receiving votes: Mark Calcavecchia, J.J. Henry, J.B. Holmes, Kent Jones, Frank Lickliter, John Merrick, Kevin Na, Arron Oberholser, Jin Park, Kevin Stadler
Which player overachieved most in the marriage department?
Jim Furyk: 17 percent
Phil Mickelson: 13 percent
"All of us!": 13 percent
Eric Axley: 8 percent
Parker McLachlin: 8 percent
Tiger Woods: 8 percent
Others receiving votes: Stephen Ames, Aaron Baddeley, Mark Calcavecchia, Bob Estes, Steve Lowery, John Rollins
Comments: "The greatest overachiever is Dean Wilson, and all the women he blows through." ... "Furyk might be married to Joe the Plumber's sister if he weren't a professional golfer." ... "Tiger? He has nothing going for him, and he got that girl?"
Who's the most over-hyped player on tour?
Charles Howell III: 19%
Bubba Watson: 14%
Luke Donald: 10%
Rory Sabbatini: 10%
Others Receiving Votes: Woody Austin, John Daly, Chris DiMarco, Sergio Garcia, Hunter Mahan, Ian Poulter, Justin Rose, Adam Scott, Camilo Villegas
Comment: "It used to be Camilo Villegas, but after his two wins you can't say that anymore."
Which player should get a lot more hype than he does?
Briny Baird : 12%
Jason Day: 12%
Boo Weekley: 12%
Others Receiving Votes: Woody Austin, Angel Cabrera, Joe Durant, Steve Flesch, Jim Furyk, Sergio Garcia, Hunter Mahan, Steve Marino, Pat Perez, John Rollins, Brandt Snedeker, Kevin Sutherland, David Toms, Charlie Wi, Tiger Woods
Who's the slowest player on tour?
Ben Crane: 43%
J.B. Holmes: 32%
Glen Day: 11%
Others Receiving Votes: Michael Allen, Jason Allred, Tiger Woods, "any Swede"
Name one golf announcer you could live without?
Kelly Tilghman: 30%
Nick Faldo: 17%
Peter Kostis: 13%
Johnny Miller: 9%
Others Receiving Votes: Curt Byrum, Bobby Clampett, Brian Hammons, John Hawkins, Renton Laidlaw, Dave Marr III, Gary McCord, Mark Rolfing
What's the best course you play on tour?
Pebble Beach Golf Links: 19%
Augusta National Golf Club: 15%
Harbour Town Golf Links: 15%
Muirfield Village Golf Club: 12%
Quail Hollow Club: 12%
Riviera Country Club: 12%
Others Receiving Votes: Spyglass Hill, Torrey Pines, Colonial, TPC Sawgrass, Waialae Country Club, "any course where I've won."
What's the worst course you play on tour?
La Cantera Golf Club (San Antonio): 33%
Others Receiving Votes: Brown Deer Park G. Cse. (Milwaukee), Montreux G. & C.C. (Reno, Nev.), Oakmont C.C., PGA National (Palm Beach Gardens, Fla.), Quail Hollow (Charlotte), Redstone G.C. (Humble, Tex.)
Comments: "For $6 million, I'd play in a parking lot." ... "Augusta is overrated, especially with all the changes."
Should players ever be allowed to wear shorts on tour?
Comment: "No. Just look at Tim Herron."
Which of these players will eventually win a major championship?
Sergio Garcia -- Yes: 100% | No: 0%
Anthony Kim -- Yes: 96%| No: 4%
Adam Scott -- Yes: 67% | No: 33%
Camilo Villegas -- Yes: 60% | No: 40%
Lee Westwood -- Yes: 30% | No: 70%
Which of these players will win at least one more time on the PGA Tour?
Davis Love III* -- Yes: 80% | No: 20%
David Duval -- Yes: 20% | No: 80%
Fred Couples -- Yes: 10% | No: 90%
John Daly -- Yes: 10% | No: 90%
*asked before his victory Nov. 9 at Disney
Which tour player has the coolest house?
Jesper Parnevik: 30%
Chris DiMarco : 15%
Others Receiving Votes: Davis Love III, Greg Norman, Vijay Singh, Steve Stricker, Kirk Triplett, "Tiger's new place in Jupiter [Fla.], when it's finally built."
Comment: "DiMarco, because he has a bowling alley."
Which tour player has the coolest car?
Paul Azinger (Ford GT): 16%
Pat Perez (Ferrari): 16%
Stuart Appleby (Lamborghini): 11%
Hunter Mahan (Bentley): 11%
Others Receiving Votes: Alex Cejka, Daniel Chopra, Steve Elkington, Charles Howell III, Kenny Perry, Ian Poulter, Bubba Watson
Comments: "Definitely not Bubba Watson's lime-green Lamborghini." ... "Elkington's '55 pink-and-brown Crown Victoria is awesome!"
Who would you rather have dinner with: Phil or Vijay?
Comments: "What are we eating?" ... "So either I listen to Phil tell me everything he thinks he knows, or I sit with Vijay while he says nothing." ... "Give me a choice!"
Considering the economy, do you expect to be player for more or less money when the tour negotiates its next TV contract?
*TV deal runs through the 2012 season
How many times were you drug-tested during the 2008 season?
Comment: "Fingerprinted once."
-- Based on a survey of 25 PGA Tour players; Some questions weren't answered by all 25.