Horse racing's good list

Nobody complains like a horse player.

That's because losing money can really take it out of you.

I just won 90 bucks.

Here are 57 good things about horse racing.
1. Horses can't talk.

2. Television ratings for the major Triple Crown events are gigantic, outnumbering baseball, NASCAR, the NBA, soccer, golf, just about every sport but football. And the real fans aren't rated because on Derby day, they're at the tracks.

3. Hitting a pick 4 or pick 6 is much easier than hitting the lottery.

4. Cheaters could be fined $500 instead of the standard $1,000 mini-penalty.

5. The Daily Racing Form, and other home wagering organizations, will pay you, will give you money, if you bet online with them. And they hope you win. More money, more online wagers, more cuts for the broker.

6. The Breeder's Cup will be held at one of the prettiest places in the world, Santa Anita.

7. At live meets, you get to use the old binoculars.

8. Old people have a lot of money.

9. There are a lot of cheap bets that can be made for a dime or for 50 cents or a dollar.

10. Sports talk show hosts don't know enough about horse racing to rant on it.

11. Most experts stink as pickers.

12. A drunk might bet you on who won a photo finish.

13. Every race is exciting in some respect.

14. Cheating trainers can't outrace karma.

15. Any expert mentioning "value" in his or her pick usually loses.

16. The smartest people become race track regulars; punks are weeded out early.

17. Few tracks are closing.

18. Perhaps deep closers will stop breaking your heart tomorrow.

19. Big talkers seldom win.

20. Superstitions must be strictly honored.

21. A horse race track is one of a few places where colorful characters are not ushered off to rehab.

22. Bad pickers playing with trust funds are still around.

23. Ten-year old horses try as hard as they can.

24. Small track handicapping is easier and pays the same as big tracks.

25. Some races stir religious feelings.

26. The Triple Crown racing series, particularly the Kentucky Derby, attracts youthful and vibrant crowds in party mode.

27. Connections trying to put a horse over usually run second.

28. If horses weren't running on tracks, they'd be running in fields.

29. You can still find tip sheets.

30. The next generation of horse race fans could be 85 years of age and up.

31. Horses closing fast at the Preakness always get over-bet and lose at the Belmont Stakes.

32. Bad jockeys and bad trainers perform to form.

33. Female jockeys are under-bet.

34. None of the unpleasant Ray Donovan family from Showtime has visited a race track yet; such a visit would imply that laws and morals were about to take a beating.

35. Few horse players wind up in Gamblers Anonymous; they get better at the races or quit betting.

36. There's almost always another race about to start somewhere.

37. You can get a seat in the Jockey Club.

38. Regulars repay loans.

39. Some IRS auditors are horse players.

40. Horse racing employs a lot of people.

41. An old friend will be sitting in the same place when you take up the sport again.

42. Winning makes you happy enough to kiss a goat.

43. There are better writers connected to horse racing than you are apt to find covering all other sports combined.

44. Yelling at a horse on a TV screen seems to bring out its best.

45. Futures bets for the Kentucky Derby offer huge profit potential for a token amount wagered.

46. Rich college coaches have discovered horse racing to be an entertaining tax write-off for gigantic sums of money.

47. Most bets you don't get down in time are losers.

48. We're not scared of a little mud.

49. Inside information is draining.

50. Bob Costas is a friend of the sport.

51. After eating track food you're not hungry two hours later.

52. Mistakenly punched numbers on a ticket machine sometimes win.

53. Spouses don't care that much for the sport.

54. Not understanding dosage won't hurt you all that much.

55. Smart money is on a pick 4.

56. Need sometimes equals creativity.

57. Horse racing is about as dead as slot machines.