For those of you running a little behind, think of this scene: I'm at the All-Star Game in Seattle, sifting through stats, wrongly accusing Cal Ripken Jr. of being washed up, and then Tommy Lasorda flops head over belly at the sight of Vladimir Guerrero's flying bat. I described Lasorda, "stumbling backward, like a Teletubby in high heels." Realizing that this moment might be worth more comedy than was permitted by my lame simile, I asked you readers to send me the best alternatives you could think of.

This merely proves that being a sportswriter isn't as hard as it looks, although it never looked very hard to begin with. More than 135 of you e-mailed me your deft similes and metaphors. Someone even wrote a poem. Picking a Top 10 was tough, but here they are.

(drum roll)

"When Tommy Lasorda saw the bat flying towards him, he ..."

10. " ... fell over like the Penguin nailed by a Bat-o-rang." -- Sam Kim

9. " ... dropped like John Kruk against Randy Johnson in '93." -- Diana Raschke

8. " ... stumbled like Robert Downey Jr. after a night at Scores." -- Steve Frank

7. " ... fell like he tipped over in a La-Z-Boy." -- Jeff Houck

6. " ... toppled like David Wells after Happy Hour." -- Tom Ryan

5. " ... looked like an Italian Jackie Chan in the upcoming sequel, 'Rumble in the Trunks.' " -- Ralph Guerrero

4. " ... fell like Humpty Dumpty on Rollerblades." -- Josh Reltub

3. " ... started tumbling backwards like Shawn Bradley when Dirk Nowitzki tapped a quarter to the back of his head." -- Josh August

2. " ... fell backward and hit the ground like a soft bundt cake, glazed with sweet wrinkles." -- Justin Heckert

1. " ... stumbled like a Bush family sobriety test." -- Eric Gregorich

Seth Wickersham covers baseball for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at seth.wickersham@espnmag.com.