I'm 23 years old, a naïve and confused newcomer to New York City. I moved here a month ago, worried about subway transfers and catching cabs -- not jumbo jets crashing into our skyline and looming holy wars. The freedom I've always assumed would be here for me is threatened like I've never thought possible. I wonder every day, from dawn till dusk, what my life will be like now. Will America persevere? Can we "win?" And what does "win" even mean anymore?

In my role as a researcher for ESPN The Magazine, I went Friday night to see a baseball game between the New York Mets and the Atlanta Braves. Pretty important game, too (the Mets now are within 4 1/2 games of Atlanta). I was there to get quotes about Lance Berkman and Moises Alou for an an upcoming feature. There was a lot more to talk about, though.

On the way into Shea Stadium, police shuffled through my bag and scanned my driver's license. Eddie F., his police hat skewed slightly to the right, checked my ID while wiping his face with a sweat rag. Wafting in the breeze behind him hung the New York Post's souvenir poster from earlier this week: "Wanted, Dead or Alive: Osama bin Laden." All those thoughts flittered through my head again -- is this all real?

On the field, I asked Greg Maddux about Alou's ability to mash fastballs. As we talked, jumbo jets from LaGuardia rocketed past the scoreboard. Planes flying again, baseball in NYC again, 40,000 fans being frisked … weird. "It's a good sign," Maddux offers. "What? We're supposed to quit?"

The rest of the night unraveled in a blur. Rudy Giuliani and thunderous "Rudy!" chants. Diana Ross and her rendition of "God Bless America." Marc Anthony and the national anthem. NYPD, FDNY, Port Authority Police, Marines and more true heroes. The Mets and Braves crossing the diamond to embrace. My goose bumps were so big and lasted so long I thought they were permanent. I felt a patriotic surge that I've never felt before. It was beyond incredible. But I left that euphoria at the stadium. Reality is harsh. I don't think I'm being naïve.

E-mail Ryan Hockensmith at hockreporter@aol.com.