ESPNMAG.com - Who loves this game?

We are witnessing the devolution of the NBA, and it's not a pretty sight. It has nothing to do with the usual phlegmatic complaints about bad attitudes and unnecessary gyrations and who really fired Paul Westphal, anyway?

No, this is about product.

Nobody can shoot, and almost nobody seems to be interested in learning how. It brings up an elemental truth about life in today's NBA: We can glamorize the unlikely ascent of every 19-year-old with a crossover and a mansion, but we can't make him bury a wide-open 18-footer.

The average NBA game -- not Lakers-Spurs, but more along the lines of Denver-Vancouver -- consists of a few fancy dunks, thousands of empty seats and the constantly annoying thrum of heavy-bass music. The music, both disembodied and out of context, is intended to masquerade as actual interest. Mostly, it comes across as bones rattling in the graveyard.

.340, .362, .373. Those numbers aren't the batting averages of the Rockies or the accuracy rates of Florida voting machines. They're three real-life examples of team shooting percentages from Wednesday night. From the best basketball players in the world.

No wonder Larry Bird walked off. It's too hard on the eyes. The shooters of the old days -- Bird, Freddie Brown, Calvin Murphy -- have been replaced by guys who might as well stop the game and have a ceremony every time they hit a baseline jumper. Hell, Brook Steppe would be a first option for most of these teams.

We've been brainwashed by highlights and video games and the league's advertising geniuses into believing the NBA's latest incarnation is an improvement. It isn't. In fact, the college game remains (barely) the last bastion of crisp, fundamental basketball. The reason is simple: Most of the players who are unfortunate enough to stay in college, get an education and play basketball past their sophomore seasons are not gifted enough to rely solely on their athletic ability. So they learn to shoot, come off screens and run the 3-on-2 break. If you're lucky enough to hit upon the right game -- Gonzaga-Arizona from Wednesday night was one -- you can come away with a healthy pang of nostalgia.

This week's list

A message about millionaire athletes, brought to you courtesy of CourtTV and the Rae Carruth trial: Sometimes the IHOP is just too crowded, even for the big-shot wide receiver and his stripper girlfriend.

And one other message: Despite all the inherent temptations, don't be afraid -- occasionally, at least -- to venture outside the stripper pool for girlfriends.

Check that: Exotic dancer.

Why would anyone in a position of influence in college sports want to remove themselves from a system that rewards teams that embarrass opponents with lopsided scores and puts television ratings above accomplishments?: The Pac-10 has threatened to excuse itself from the BCS if Oregon State doesn't get an invitation to the Fiesta Bowl.

Three truths about the BCS: 1) its power puts all the hand-wringing over graduation rates into a certain perspective; 2) big yellow-blazer and bad-tie party at Fiesta Bowl HQ -- prawns as big as your arm, I swear -- when Notre Dame qualified; 3) Miami beats Florida State ... both teams lose one game ... Florida State finishes ahead of Miami ... enough said.

Sample commentary culled from the Terry Bowden archives: "Great job there by coach ... great job by coach ... that coach, he does a great job."

Oh, but they balanced their coverage by telling viewers the best exit to take to avoid pregame traffic: On the paid-for-by-the-team infomercial called "Report from the RavensZone" on WJZ in Baltimore, weekend anchor Katie Leahan said, "It's hunting season in Maryland -- let's go get us some Browns."

Nate McMillan, hero: Sonics 121, Lakers 88.

A college basketball statistic that immediately produces visions of a long line of N.C. Ashevilles and Murfreesboro States: Tennessee, admittedly a good team, has won 33 straight nonconference home games.

How to blow a lifetime of good will in a matter of months: Sammy Sosa says, "I want to go to a place where somebody loves me," and you can hear the violins from here.

This year's funniest moment, with no elaboration required: During one of Joe Smith's bizarre recruiting trips, the Mavericks' P.A. announcer welcomed "NBA great Joe Smith."

Or, for a more realistic take: Billy Paultz with really long arms.

Watched the Lakers the other night and came away with one thought: NBA great Mike Penberthy.

The price of losing keeps going up: The worst seat in Fenway Park now goes for $18.

And right away you had to wonder, has a man ever died of a massive coronary on national television?: Refrigerator Perry, for some reason, competed in the FX Toughman competition last weekend.

In the broadcasting business, this is called giving us more information than we need: Dick Enberg, describing Saints coach Jim Haslett during a tense moment, said it was "enough to make a coach's cold-sore lips pucker."

Speaking of pucker: Bud Selig made an appearance before a blue-ribbon panel of congressmen addressing baseball's payroll disparity.

To which every right-thinking human responded by saying, "Wait a second ... since when?": During that blue-ribbon meeting, Mike DeWine (R-Ohio) said, "Every team ought to have hope at the beginning of the season."

Selig's response to the Yankees' signing of Mike Mussina: "See? See? See?"

And finally, in a related story, the McGovern campaign remains upbeat: In the overworked story angle of the week, we have learned how the Raiders, who play in Pittsburgh on Sunday, still feel the pain of the Immaculate Reception.

Tim Keown is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail tim.keown@espnmag.com.