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The Life


Don't blame MJ
ESPN The Magazine

His name came up again this week in countless articles and broadcast reports about the NBA's fading popularity, as judged by dwindling TV ratings and shrinking attendance figures.

It's the halfway point in the season, with the All-Star Game this weekend, so his name was bound to come up. It'll come up before the playoffs and during the playoffs and at every point of the championship series.

You know what, though? It's time for the NBA to get over Michael Jordan.

He's not coming back!
Photo: Jon Ferry/Allsport

The question surrounding the NBA shouldn't be, as David Stern suggests, whether it can overcome the inevitable decline in the wake of His Michaelness. It should be something more basic, namely: They're asking people to pay for this?

It's not the image. It's the product.

It's far too easy to look at the numbers and say, "What do you expect when Allen Iverson replaces Jordan as the league's totem?" What that fails to address is the fact that people will pay to see Iverson, even if they don't subscribe to all the social-commentary periodicals that list him as a contributing editor.

Despite everything else, Iverson plays hard every night and -- don't discount this in these uncertain times -- appears to enjoy what he's doing when he's on the court.

The league's decline isn't about fans wandering aimlessly, looking for Jordan. It isn't about Jason Kidd's home life or Iverson's lyrics or Mookie Blaylock's handicap. It's about a league that can claim two watchable games on a good night. It's about people dropping a skeptical brow and asking, "Do I really want to pay ridiculous prices to see Hawks-Celtics -- or Just About Anyone vs. Just About Anyone Else -- in mid-February?"

This Week's List

American citizens owe a public apology for every bad thing they ever said about Eric Dickerson: XFL announcer Brian Bosworth.

A sight that ranks high among the most ludicrous in sports: Basketball players who nearly jump out of their shorts to slap hands with the guy who has just missed a free throw.

And they promptly replaced it with something that has to do with togas, laurel wreaths and peeled grapes: The owners of the Sacramento Kings took down a billboard in which they promised to mow Chris Webber's lawn if he stays with the team.

You either get a guy by throwing $100 million and a private plane at his feet, or you do it the time-honored way -- you make a couple of wisecracks at an offseason banquet: A's co-owner Steve Schott turned 12 shades of purple and called the commissioner after discovering that Yankee GM Brian Cashman and Met GM Steve Phillips made joking remarks about Jason Giambi's impending free-agenthood during the New York baseball writer's meeting.

Before the Internet, this item would have been subject to endless rumor and innuendo, sort of like Atlantis, with some claiming it doesn't exist and others devoting their lives to bringing the truth to light: On eBay right now -- a 1980 Richie Zisk Slush Puppie Plastic Cup.

And, in a nod to a simpler time: The phrase on the cup reads, "Pitch to Zisk at your own risk."

Hey, don't look at us -- we never said he was all that in the first place: Now that he hasn't won in a couple of weeks, the inevitable Tiger Woods backlash has begun.

This week on ESPN Classic: The Graduate Thesis: Is there a greater lesson to be learned from the fact that Kerry Collins handled the Super Bowl media with distinction and the game with a total lack of savvy while Ray Lewis did the exact opposite?

If he played for a decent team, we'd be reading a lot more about the twists and turns his life has taken over the past six months: Paul Pierce, the comeback player of the half-year.

You could choose to have Van Earl Wright yell at you for 30 minutes, but it's probably a wash: XFL announcer Matt Vasgersian, who actually sounded vaguely professional, was tossed out in favor of some clownish WWF guy.

OK, all you Vince McMahon acolytes (look it up): I watched, and it was worse than I expected.

And the biggest problem?: Now I can't decide whether my favorite football player is Marshall Faulk or He Hate Me.

Just in time for February sweeps: Carmen Electra, Mr. T and Chris Schenkel present the XPBA.

At last count, 56 of them were run by middle-aged men who eat Top Ramen twice a day and still have the old Bo Derek poster on the bedroom wall: More than 100 websites are devoted to grading and tracking college-bound high school football players.

Thursday on The Learning Channel: "Verbing With Marques" in which Fox's Marques Johnson explains his ability to use "offensive rebound" as a predicate.

There are times when the regular 9-to-5er can't relate to the injuries sustained by professional athletes, and then there are times when everyone winces simultaneously in shared empathy: Vince Carter's "jumper's knee."

Bringing the concept of a guy being his own worst critic to an extreme: After playing poorly and being booed at home, Arizona's Loren Woods said, "I'm embarrassing myself, my family and Arizona basketball."

Speaking of embarrassment: If you're a fully-vested citizen of Minnesota, just how proud are you of your esteemed governor about now?

And, finally, we're still holding out for Pitinopointspread.com: Bob Knight will be paid in the neighborhood of 50 grand to post his picks for the NCAA Tournament on Sandbox.com.

Tim Keown is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail tim.keown@espnmag.com.



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