Most of the weekly baseball columns contained a note last week about the growing popularity of chess among big-league ballplayers. This alone would not be enough to draw anyone's attention, because ballplayers are always looking for ways to fill the down time. Cards, women, food, sleep -- chess can probably be worked into the mix.

But the newsworthiness of the item came in a rest-of-the-story kicker: Reds pitcher Pete Harnisch, a chess devotee, plays the game by his own rules: When he captures an opponent's piece, he immediately sticks it up his nose. Presumably, this is some sort of conquering gesture.

But think about this: Where else would this be acceptable? And not only acceptable, but preferred? The accounts of Harnisch's chess style did not question his sanity -- or even his hygiene. It was related in an admiring tone. You know the tone: Oh, those wacky ballplayers.

So forget the money and the fame and the other stuff that comes with being a professional athlete. That's not important. If you want to envy something about a pro ballplayer, envy a 34-year-old man who can stick a rook into his nose in the workplace and not be either fired or escorted from the premises. The best thing about being a ballplayer means you can be eight years old well into your 30s. What a great trick that is.

This Week's List

Gut reaction after watching Iverson fearlessly break down the Laker defense in Game 1: Damn, maybe I was wrong -- horribly, tragically wrong -- in supporting the zone-defense rule changes.

And take the incessant "Sopranos" references with you: Enough already with the "Finals Answer" headlines in the sports pages.

Before he's done, it's imperative he play at least a season in Milwaukee: Diamondbacks pitcher Nick Bierbrodt.

Sentence that sends a shudder through the entire Colts organization: "Edgerrin is handling his conditioning a little differently this offseason."

In the grand tradition of Wills and Lopes: The Dodgers have a catcher leading off.

Annoying moments in television, cont.: The painfully forced Bill Russell-Hank Aaron-Yogi Berra chuckle at the end of the Coors commercial.

Sometimes you wish they'd just take it outside: Steve Jones and Bill Walton.

Bad for baseball: Closers who act as if it's beneath them to hold runners on base. Major violator: Robb Nen.

Scarier than a Bobby Cox facial expression, it's interleague play as God never intended: Marlins-Devil Rays.

Question of strictly regional interest: Where were you when Sid slid?

Next on "SportsCentury: Way, Way Beyond the Top 50": Kiko Garcia, high school softball coach.

Here's a job for the boys and girls at the Rand Corp.:
I guarantee you a study would show that big-leaguers batting below .250 are 87 percent more likely to dive headfirst into first base than those with a higher average.

News from the world of cycling: At the Giro d'Italia, cycling teams are still leaving their syringes lying around the hotel.

We know the answer, but we can still dream: Will Roger Clemens take his regular turn and pitch at Shea -- out of the DH safety zone -- next Sunday night?

His defense always could be, "I didn't want to get anyone -- namely me -- killed": Could you imagine being the pitcher who has the chance and doesn't smoke Clemens?

And, not only that, but people were talking about it in the taverns and jails: Red Sox GM Dan Duquette criticized manager Jimy Williams' decision to pull Pedro Martinez in a game against the Yankees by saying "it caused a lot of controversy in the market here throughout New England."

As you read the words, you can see Christopher Walken practicing his inflection in front of a mirror: Al Davis called Carmen Policy and Dan Rooney "two punks."

The way it looks, getting shot might have been the least of his concerns: The Bills' Corey Moore missed minicamp while recovering from a gunshot wound, and coach Gregg Williams says, "Evidently his phone's broken down or maybe in the surgery his ears got numb, because he hasn't called me back."

Go on television, face the consequences: A Philadelphia Daily News writer found himself in a near-brawl after Iverson misunderstood the writer's message during a television interview.

His parents did everything they could -- gave him the name, bought the marble, took him to Tomb of the Medicis -- and still the kid just wanted to play ball: Padres infielder Mike Colangelo.

Headline that makes you think, "Hey, guys, you're pushing your luck": "Mariners Sign Russian Pitcher."

And finally, Stan Albeck thinks Stan Albeck should get the job, but for some reason nobody's writing about his opinion: Magic Johnson is lobbying hard for Magic Johnson to be named Blazers coach.

Tim Keown is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail tim.keown@espnmag.com.