Report: 87 percent of Americans now conduct internal monologue as news crawl ... Lewis calls Rahman more bad names ... Randy Moss walks backward, on hands, into end zone ... Fassel: Giants will never, ever lose, ever again ... Lester Holt or Chris Matthews? Vote at voteonanything.com ... Northern Alliance captures Konduz, Cleveland ... Aaron Brown asleep on air ... Beret-wearing Bonds carries matching Lewinsky handbag ... Unconfirmed report of NBA player following own shot in game at Seattle ... Rasheed Wallace decides to just let it go ... After reviewing schedule, NFL cancels Thanksgiving ... Jordan: "If I pass up this next shot, the terrorists win" ... LA Times reports Shaq makes sense in postgame interview ... Linguist: Crawlspeak bad for verbs ... Memphis finds receipt, will return Grizzlies.

This Week's List

Halftime score from Tuesday night: Warriors 25, Sprewell 19.

He's either making a habit of losing his dribble into his teammates' hands, or he's transformed his game: Jerry Stackhouse, more than five assists a game.

Which makes you wonder, how bad is the bad news?: It was 55-25 Knicks at halftime, and the announcer said, "The good news for the Warriors is, there's a whole 'nother half to play."

Undoubtedly the best bumper sticker ever, spied outside the famed Jelly Donut in Fairfield, Calif.: "What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?"

As if the referees didn't have enough to worry about: The defensive three-seconds-in-the-key violation is destined to be remembered at least as fondly as the three-to-make-two free throw rule of the '70s.

Further proof that the weirder and more self-absorbed you are, the harder people will work to make you seem misunderstood: Terrell Owens.

What Craig Sager thinks when he sees Deion Sanders' on-air wardrobe: Man, why didn't I think of that?

On a semi-related topic: Has Crayola ever produced a crayon marked "Bile"?

Portrait of the coach as a future broadcaster: Doug Collins.

You think they're looking at those guys in Maui and thinking, Hmmm ... wonder what that's like?: Eddy Curry and Tyson Chandler.

This week's assignment is to put these two facts together and come up with a combination that would make Red Sox fans happy; use your imagination: 1) Dan Duquette wants Carl Everett, and; 2) Carl Everett wants out.

So, 10 games into the NBA season, here's the only burning question: How many games under .500 do the Wizards have to fall in order for TBS to stop subjecting us to them every other night?

At theaters this Friday: The Referee, starring Mark Cuban.

Of course, anyone who has watched Shaq shoot free throws has come to the same conclusion: Of course the guy's cheating.

And for 1,000 points, who said, "And when I'm angry, you won't like me when I'm angry"?: A) Curly Howard; B) Foghorn Leghorn; C) Shaq.

It was kind of like Bryan Rekar beating Roger Clemens: It might have been inadvertent, but I swear Dan Fouts was funnier than Dennis Miller this week.

Proof that the NBA hasn't lost its sense of history: Elden Campbell's move still works.

One man's Final Four: Ball State, Hampton, Davidson, Duke.

And now he's thinking, Geez, McGwire got all that good pub, what about me?: Broncos receiver Eddie Kennison, 28, retired the night before he was to start.

And, when faced with a sport struggling to regain its foothold, the NBA makes a decision: Those shorts are too long.

Most memorable moment of the young season: Bobby Sura trying to juke and jive Sprewell, then getting the predictable ball-in-the-face treatment when he hoisted a 20-foot fallaway.

Nostalgia corner: Jerry Rice is finished, slow, can't get deep, can't cut, doesn't play well with others ...

"It's fourth-and-goal from the one, and the Rams line up with an empty backfield and five receivers": Remember the days when third-and-three was a running down?

Peyton Manning and Colts fans can argue all they want, but let's all face the cold truth here: Any fake-spike-and-run play is a weenie play.

We've all seen a lot of bad NFL plays over the years, but this might have been the worst: Ryan Leaf throwing an interception for a TD (his specialty) while throwing a short-out with seven seconds left in the half and his team 60 yards from the end zone.

Which makes you wonder: What was he doing, practicing?

And finally, as we all contemplate that for which we are thankful, a little insight into the life of a beloved American hero: At about noon, Ichiro was named AL MVP and seven hours later Cal Ripken Jr. was schlocking Bonds-McGwire-Ichiro rookie cards -- as well as his very own Farewell Baseball (ONLY $199.50!) -- on QVC.

Tim Keown is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at tim.keown@espnmag.com.