Every year on ESPN's Bracketology show, the NCAA tournament brackets are revealed, and we are asked to hastily fill out all of our picks, which will be broadcast to the world and we, the brilliant analysts of ESPN, will be saddled with those picks forever.
Never mind that if we knew which teams were going to win, we would all convene in an arid region in a Western state, sitting by the pool with a drink in our hands, living off of our winnings. Not content to live with the quickly compiled picks, I have prepared for you this thoughtful and comprehensive bracket that employs the proper time and perspective. So, I give you the "More Than-5-Minute Bracket." You're welcome, America.