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Different career paths for top-25 coaches

Gonzaga's Mark Few has a love for fishing that might have led him down a different career path. Icon Sportswire, Getty Images

The Way-Too-Early Top 25 rankings for next season in college basketball have been updated, and now that rosters are beginning to crystallize, it's time to get familiar with each team. We've already touched on everything from the top NBA prospect on each roster to each team's defining song and future coach. But the offseason begs an obvious question: If coaches weren't coaching, which line of work would they choose?

1. Duke Blue Devils: Mike Krzyzewski, Secretary of Defense
Before he won five national titles at Duke and became a legend, Coach K played basketball for Bob Knight at West Point. Then, he served as an Army officer prior to the start of his coaching career. He has expressed his admiration and respect for the armed forces over the years. That connection, combined with his work ethic, might have led Krzyzewski to Washington, D.C., where he'd enjoy this influential post. -- Myron Medcalf

2. Villanova Wildcats: Jay Wright, club owner
Ever seen Wright work a room? He has thrown an invite-only party at the Final Four for years. Part storyteller, part comedian, all charmer, Wright makes all his guests feel that they paid for bottle service in the VIP section. It would be a high-end club where not everyone could get in, but those who could would be welcomed. You would go to a Jay Wright-owned club. And you'd come back again. -- C.L. Brown

3. Kentucky Wildcats: John Calipari, CEO of a global marketing firm
We could list the many reasons Calipari is a marketing genius, but (a) that would take too long, and (b) you know them all already. Instead, let's highlight a favorite example from 2012: "We've got to get this picture out on Twitter," Calipari says [referring to a photo of himself and Charlie Sheen]. "It'll generate some talk, don't you think? How many followers does Charlie Sheen have?" [A staffer] informs Calipari that more than 8 million people track Sheen. ... The coach reclines in his black leather chair and grins. "Tweet it," he says. -- Eamonn Brennan

4. Kansas Jayhawks: Bill Self, bipartisan campaign manager
It seems everyone likes Bill Self -- except for the entire state of Missouri, but that's another thing altogether. He's the perpetually upbeat, charismatic salesman. On the other hand, according to the people who track this stuff, lots of people don't like Donald Trump, and lots of people don't like Hillary Clinton. Yet one of them will be the next president of the United States. Enter Self. -- Dana O'Neil

5. Virginia Cavaliers: Tony Bennett, cyber security expert
So you need someone who is committed to equipping your corporate digital infrastructure with the most comprehensive protection available? How about a guy who has led Virginia to a top-10 finish in KenPom.com's adjusted defensive efficiency ratings in four of the last five years? We're not sure if Bennett knows much about computers and technology. But he'll devote himself to defending your business, home, school or coffeehouse from outside threats. -- Medcalf

6. North Carolina Tar Heels: Roy Williams, golf pro
If there's any current coach who talks about golf more than Williams, he's probably already teaching the sport. Williams had knee replacement surgery in May, so he hasn't been on the course as much as he'd like this summer. But it's not a stretch to envision Williams as the golf pro at a local course. His expertise would come on greens that play as fast as his teams do. -- Brown

7. Oregon Ducks: Dana Altman, regional manager of a midsize Midwestern bank
From 1980 to 1982, at Western (Colorado) State, Dana Altman got his start in coaching, sure, but he also polished off his master's degree in business administration -- the same field of study in which he'd earned associate's (Southeast Junior College) and bachelor's (Eastern New Mexico) degrees as an undergrad. If the whole "being a really good basketball coach" thing hadn't worked out, the mild-mannered Nebraskan would have had no problem working with Excel spreadsheets. -- Brennan

8. Wisconsin Badgers: Greg Gard, tractor salesman
Gard has worked for five employers separated by 85 miles, which in the Gard family makes him an adventurer. His father, Glen, spent 40 years at the same credit and loan company. His mother, Connie, worked at the same high school from the day after she received her own diploma until the day she retired. So if Gard had not answered an ad for a junior varsity basketball coach after his own athletic career ended prematurely (he was cut from his college baseball team) odds are Gard would be doing exactly what the family plan guided him toward -- working on the Gard hog farm and selling tractors. -- O'Neil

9. Xavier Musketeers: Chris Mack, stand-up comedian
This is too easy. We're sure this is something Mack would do if he had to pick a gig outside basketball. He might be on tour right now for all we know. He's serious on the sideline. Loves the game. But he's also a jokester. A guy who tweets the way he tweets is ready for a stint in Vegas, and he once crashed a fan's wedding. -- Medcalf

10. Michigan State Spartans: Tom Izzo, barber
Every barbershop has the veteran who has seen it all. The one guy, usually with the chair farthest from the door, whom patrons seek out for advice. He doesn't hold back when it comes time to say what needs to be said. That's Izzo. Who knows if he can actually hook up a fade or is a master at moustache trimming. Sit down in Izzo's chair and emerge looking and feeling better. -- Brown

11. Indiana Hoosiers: Tom Crean, motivational speaker
Say what you want about the off and on "trend" of paying someone to be your personal Yoda, but it's a profession that exists and, hey, to each their own. If the stated goal is personal improvement, Crean's record as a developer of college basketball talent -- to say nothing of his always-turned-up, Tony Robbins-ian energy -- would make a strong candidate for any such gig. -- Brennan

12. Arizona Wildcats: Sean Miller, Harlem Globetrotter
We need to pre-empt this with an apology since Miller is loath to discuss his childhood star turn on "The Tonight Show." But if a kid can dribble like this, how could his other career not be with the Globetrotters? Presuming Miller still has a few skills stashed away, he could tour the country with the Globetrotters, choreographing his moves to their signature song. -- O'Neil

13. Louisville Cardinals: Rick Pitino, fashion consultant
Need to upgrade your wardrobe? Looking for a new suit? A pocket square woven with rare silk imported from a location known only to his assistant manager? Shoes that make other shoes jealous? Do you have $5,000? Well, come on down to Rick Pitino's Hoops Haberdashery. He'll help you find everything you need. And then he'll tell you how to wear it. But wait, he doesn't think you're wearing it the right way. He's not pleased. Now you're running laps around a department store. All part of the experience. -- Medcalf

14. Purdue Boilermakers: Matt Painter, house flipper

Painter has been a wizard of seeing the value in off-the-radar recruits. He would do the same thing in real estate, finding houses that seem run down or those with designs that are now out-of-date only to build something out of nothing. Just as his teams at Purdue can't be defined by one particular style, Painter's homes would come in a wide variety. -- Brown

15. West Virginia Mountaineers: Bob Huggins, proprietor and beloved bartender at the best dive bar in America
Gruff wisdom, tough love, fierce loyalty, an instinctual distaste for frills, plenty of war stories, a tendency to show up to work with a black eye or two, and a killer nickname: "Huggy Bear." Best. Bartender. Ever. -- Brennan

16. Gonzaga Bulldogs: Mark Few, host/participant on a fly-fishing show
Two things make Few especially happy -- winning and fishing, and not necessarily in that order. The Gonzaga coach especially prefers fly-fishing. In fact, he'd rather spin you a fish tale than break down the Zags' offense. So this is the most natural choice for a non-hoops Few. I'm especially partial to "Season on the Fly," which kinda sounds like Season on the Brink, thereby combining angling and hoops in a seamless transition for Few. -- O'Neil

17. UCLA Bruins: Steve Alford, yoga instructor
The UCLA gig comes with a variety of challenges, even for coaches who meet the mark. That's not Alford right now. Powerful alumni wanted him out last season. He agreed to return his previous extension not long after someone flew a "UCLA DESERVES BETTER! FIRE ALFORD!" banner over campus. That's a lot of pressure. We're not sure how Alford is dealing with this, but yoga instructor seems like the right alternative for a guy who dealt with an abundance of pressure last year and will deal with even more next season. How else would he stay calm right now? He needs some Zen. -- Medcalf

18. Maryland Terrapins: Mark Turgeon, news anchor
He stays even-keeled on the sideline, and he'd be just as centered behind a news desk reading off a teleprompter. Turgeon would join the likes of Connie Chung and ESPN's own Scott Van Pelt on the list of nationally known anchors produced by Maryland's school of journalism. Wouldn't you trust the news if it were read by this man? -- Brown

19. Saint Mary's Gaels: Randy Bennett, United States ambassador to Australia
Saint Mary's went 2-27 -- 2-27! -- the year before Bennett was hired, which is the same year Bennett began recruiting a young Australian prospect named Adam Capcorn. Since then, the Gaels' Aussie pipeline has produced NBA guards Patty Mills and Matthew Dellavedova, among others. The surprisingly successful 2015-16 roster -- almost all of which returns in 2016-17 -- has six Australian natives. Watch your back, John Berry. -- Brennan

20. Creighton Bluejays: Greg McDermott, fashion model
At 6-foot-8, McDermott is hard to miss, an oak tree standing in the forest of Big East coaches. And let's face it, the man knows how hard it is to find a good suit for a frame so big. Hence McDermott, upon retirement, ought to consider a modeling career for the big and tall crowd. Better yet, he could bring his similarly sized son, Doug, into the business. They could be like the Olsen twins. Except, you know, bigger. -- O'Neil

21. Rhode Island Rams: Dan Hurley, life coach for struggling basketball coaches
We're not convinced Dan Hurley could leave the game. He's the son of Bob Hurley, a legendary prep coach, and his brother Bobby Hurley is coaching at Arizona State. Dan couldn't handle family dinners if he left the game. He doesn't even have a "personal" tab on his Wikipedia page. So he'd stay connected by helping other coaches navigate the coaching life. But we're not sure that would go well, either. "Yes, I know you're having trouble at home, Coach. But why did you run a 1-2-2 zone press last night?! Explain that!" -- Medcalf

22. Cincinnati Bearcats: Mick Cronin, tailor
Cronin may not be the first coach who comes to mind for men's fashion, but he's got a strong suit game. None of this made-to-measure stuff for Cronin, he's far too detailed. You've seen how his Cincinnati teams play defense; they don't cut corners. That's why Cronin would be a bespoke tailor, who creates new patterns to custom-fit the nuances of each individual. -- Brown

23. Florida State Seminoles: Leonard Hamilton, titular lead of the Broadway musical "Hamilton"
Is this a convenient, superficial cop-out? Of course! Does that make it any less fun to imagine Leonard Hamilton, dressed in 16th-century garb, rapping about the first U.S. treasury secretary's federal debt proposal? No, it does not. And, hey, he does own a gospel music label. -- Brennan

24.Connecticut Huskies: Kevin Ollie, bumper sticker idea man
"Be careful what you're feeding." "Greatness begins when selfishness ends." "Faith it 'til you make it." These are just a few Ollie-isms, catchy phrases that combine motivation and inspiration with a touch of Yogi Berra logic. The coach uses them more frequently than a teenager injects the word "like" into a sentence. Alas, no one outside the Huskies' inner circle hears them regularly, but what if Ollie got into the bumper sticker sales business? Imagine the number of minivans that could be sporting, "Take care of your 24." -- O'Neil

25. Syracuse Orange: Jim Boeheim, rapper
Yes, it sounds odd, but hip-hop is built on the idea that you're born to express yourself. You have freedom in rap. Freedom to say what you want. And since Boeheim doesn't care if you like him or not, he won't be afraid to drop rhymes that might rub some people the wrong way. He might have a mixtape in the works right now with songs that rip the NCAA, every ACC/Big East official in the history of the leagues, anyone who likes the NCAA, and Fab Melo. He's ready to rap. -- Medcalf