With today's biggest story apparently that Mike Piazza isn't doing yet another thing, let's go to the ol' e-mailbag for a question that interests at least two baseball fans (including me) ...

Rob,

I'm hoping you can help me settle a lunch-room argument. Could you field a competitive team using the Devil Rays, Tigers and Brewers lineups?

-- Bill Singer

Ah, an intellectual exercise. I haven't enjoyed one of these since my first year in college (as you might guess, my second, third, and fourth years in college didn't go particularly well).

And since this is just an intellectual exercise, I won't quibble with your selection of teams, even though the Indians (11-25, .306) and Padres (12-25, .324) both have worse records than the Brewers (13-24, .351) and Devil Rays (14-23, .378).

I would assume you chose the Devil Rays, Brewers, and Tigers (8-27, .229) because they were supposed to be the worst teams this season, and of course it's possible that by the time October rolls around, they will be. And of course, it's always fun to pile on. So let's look at the candidates for our fantasy lineup, position by position ...

Catcher

                      OPS
D-Rays  Toby Hall     624
Tigers  Brandon Inge  474
Brewers Eddie Perez   744

I'm going with Toby Hall, even though he's been terrible this season. His career stats are comparable to Perez's and he's about eight years younger. It's true that Hall isn't much with the glove, though, and I suspect that every major-league manager would take Perez (or even Inge).

	Richie Sexson First baseman Milwaukee Brewers Profile
	2003 SEASON STATISTICS AB R HR RBI SLG AVG 143 27 12 25 .566 .280

First Base

                      OPS
D-Rays  Travis Lee    779
Tigers  Carlos Pena   591
Brewers Rich. Sexson  947

The obvious winner here is Richie Sexson, who could play first base for a lot of teams. Travis Lee hasn't been terrible, but he's looking a lot like he did in Phoenix and Philadelphia. And while Pena still has to be considered a valuable commodity, to this point he hasn't done much but disappoint his employers.

Second Base

                       OPS
D-Rays  Ma. Anderson   685
Tigers  Ra. Santiago   599
Brewers Eric Young     844

Who knew that Eric Young would ever be an All-Star again? Well, he is, at least for today.

Shortstop

                       OPS
D-Rays  Rey Ordonez    815
Tigers  Omar Infante   589
Brewers Royce Clayton  777

	Omar Infante Shortstop Detroit Tigers Profile
	2003 SEASON STATISTICS AB R HR RBI OBP AVG 107 12 0 4 .299 .234

Ah, choices ... here, we've got two glove men who are hitting better than they're supposed to, and a rookie with a questionable stick who's hitting even worse than he's supposed to. I'll take a flyer here, and assume that all these guys will eventually hit like they should. so let's go with the kid.

Third Base

                       OPS
D-Rays  Damion Easley  470
Tigers  Eric Munson    691  
Brewers Wes Helms      702

Another tough one. Easley's a second baseman who didn't hit enough for that position, and is playing third base because the Devil Rays don't know what they're doing. Munson's a catcher who didn't catch particularly well, and has looked so good at third base that he's lost playing time to Dmitri Young and Dean Palmer. So we'll have to go with Wes Helms, who's been awful this season but theoretically still has a chance to be some kind of hitter.

Left Field

                       OPS
D-Rays  Carl Crawford  594
Tigers  Dmitri Young   739
Brewers Geoff Jenkins  833

Gotta go with Jenkins, who can hit when he's healthy. With center fielder Rocco Baldelli (below) getting all the attention, nobody seems to have noticed that fellow phenom Carl Crawford has been a complete disaster in left field.

Center Field

                       OPS
D-Rays  Ro. Baldelli   859
Tigers  Ge. Kingsale   641
Brewers Alex Sanchez   702

Sure, there are still some rough edges; Baldelli's got four walks and 36 strikeouts in 36 games. But somehow he's still batting .349, and the competition here isn't exactly ... well, competitive. Kingsale's 2003 numbers are right in line with the rest of his career. Same with Sanchez, and both are 26. So while Baldelli's inability to control the strike zone may come back to bite him, he's still the class of the group.

	Aubrey Huff Right fielder Tampa Bay Devil Rays Profile
	2003 SEASON STATISTICS AB R HR RBI SLG AVG 146 22 10 21 .575 .288

Right Field

                       OPS
D-Rays  Aubrey Huff    937
Tigers  Bo. Higginson  759
Brewers Jo. Vander Wal 866

Is Huff really this good? Yeah, he might be. Just last season, he posted an 865 OPS (.362 OBP, .503 slugging).

So, our super-duper lineup looks like this:

               	    OBP/Slug   Team
CF Rocco Baldelli  .369/.490   Devil Rays
2B Eric Young      .344/.500   Brewers
1B Richie Sexson   .381/.566   Brewers
RF Aubrey Huff     .362/.575   Devil Rays
LF Geoff Jenkins   .333/.500   Brewers
3B Wes Helms       .307/.394   Brewers
C  Toby Hall       .284/.340   Devil Rays
SS Omar Infante    .299/.290   Tigers

One Tiger, and he's a stretch. But this mostly Tiger-free lineup isn't bad. True, there's not much production six through eight, but then a lot of teams have problems at the bottom of the order.

Ah, but what about the pitching? Detroit's Nate Cornejo ranks 16th in the majors with a 2.66 ERA ... but he's struck out only seven hitters in 41 innings, and so the roof's likely to cave in sooner than later. His teammates Mike Maroth and Jeremy Bonderman both have decent strikeout ratios, but lousy ERA's. Matt Kinney (2-2, 3.00) has pitched effectively for the Brewers, and Ben Sheets (4-3, 4.60) hasn't been terrible.

As for the Devil Rays, I don't think they've got anybody who would break into our rotation.

Would this team be competitive? Sure, in the Triple-A International League. But they'd be, at best, a third-place team in any division in either the American or National League. Sexson's the closest thing in the lineup to a star, and the pitching rotation wouldn't exactly put the fear of Roger Clemens into anybody.

P.S. To find out what I really think about Rafael Palmeiro's qualifications for the Hall of Fame, watch ESPNews this afternoon at 4:40 Eastern Time.

Senior writer Rob Neyer writes four columns per week during the baseball season. His new book, "Rob Neyer's Big Book of Baseball Lineups," has just been published by Fireside. For more information, visit Rob's Web site.