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Updated: June 23, 3:27 PM ET Wild Pitches By Jayson Stark ESPN.com | |||||||||||||||||||||
| Mystery punchout artist of the week If Brewers infielder Mark Loretta can't negotiate an endorsement deal with K-Mart after what he did Wednesday in Cincinnati, we've lost all faith in the marketing industry. His team was losing, 11-3, in the eighth inning. So Loretta did what many a gung-ho, team-player kind of middle infielder has done before him. He talked his manager into letting him pitch.
It was the perfect transaction for the first Tigers-Diamondbacks series in history. The Diamondbacks employ catcher Chad Moeller. The Tigers employ pitcher Brian Moehler. The Diamondbacks then needed to call up a relief pitcher. So whom did they recall? Mike Mohler. "I asked if the dentist was coming today," Arizona reliever Greg Swindell told the East Valley Tribune's Ed Price, "because another 'molar' came in." Unlikely slugger of the week He's known for his work on the mound. But Reds reliever Danny Graves is on the way to making history with his bat. All he has to do to make it is go 0 for the rest of his career. On May 12, 2000, Graves got his first major-league hit -- a home run off Mike (Brother of Greg) Maddux, in Houston's Enron Field. On Thursday, on his latest trip to Enron, Graves got his second major-league hit -- another home run, off Astros pitcher Tony McKnight. In all his other at-bats, Graves is 0 for 13, with eight strikeouts. But when he puts a ball in play, he's a regular Barry Bonds. We've verified with the Elias Sports Bureau that no one else in major-league history -- pitcher or player -- ever finished his career with two hits -- both of them home runs. But if anybody could do it, it would be a relief pitcher who can't figure out how he ever hit one homer, let alone two. "I still can't believe it happened," Graves told the Cincinnati Enquirer's Chris Haft. "In my other two at-bats this year, I couldn't even foul one off. I have no business being in the batter's box." Now if he can just carry that philosophy along with him every time for the rest of his life, he'll hold a home-run record even Babe Ruth never held. Busy signal of the week It happened in the middle of one of the most thrilling finishes of the week. There was Red Sox knuckleball whiz Tim Wakefield on Tuesday, three outs away from the third knuckleball no-hitter in the last half-century, as the "crowd" at Tampa Bay's Tropicana Field went as crazy as 12,950 people can get. But Jason Tyner led off the ninth with a ground-ball shot to second base that turned into a controversial error when Jose Offerman threw wide of first. It was just eye-opening enough that the Red Sox decided to get their bullpen up, only moments before Randy Winn would break up that no-hitter with a line-drive single to left. The normal procedure there is to use a telephone. Instead, third baseman Shea Hillenbrand popped out of the dugout and began yelling to bullpen coach John Cumberland that manager Jimy Williams wanted closer Derek Lowe to warm up. A quizzical Cumberland later told the Boston Globe's Gordon Edes: "The phone was broken, I guess." Well, good guess. Just incorrect. So what was the real story? "We had the message machine on," bullpen witticist Rod Beck told Edes. "It said, 'Sorry, but we're not available at the moment.' " DP of the week It wasn't your classic Web Gem double play. Tuesday night, as the Giants and Padres careened into the 14th inning, Jeff Kent popped up to second base with runners on first and third, and nobody out. Rookie second baseman Cesar Crespo camped under it -- fumbled it -- and then dropped it. It looked like disaster. It turned into brilliance. Crespo retrieved the ball and threw to second for a forceout on Barry Bonds, who had had to hold up. Then Rich Aurilia tried to bolt home from third in the confusion. And he got thrown out. Just your basic 4-6-2 game-saving special. Crespo's review of his work to the San Diego Union Tribune's Tom Krasovic: "It was my best worst play ever." Box score lines of the week First prize Ted Lilly, Yankees, vs. Mets, last Sunday, in a performance obscured by the Mets' six-run eighth-inning rally to win: 5 1/3 IP, 1 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 8 BB, 7 K, 115 pitches to get 15 outs. Quote of the day "It isn't any good for anyone's stomach on our side," said manager Joe Torre. "Ball one, ball two, ball three, strike one, strike two, strike three. But you have to give him credit." Runner-up Willis Roberts, Orioles, vs. Phillies last Friday: 3 IP, 10 H, 9 R, 9 ER, 2 BB, 0 K, 1 HR and one fun little six-batter sequence that went: homer, double, double, single, single, double. Gong. Quote of the day "They hit everything -- in, out, up, down," Roberts said. "I throw everything -- and they hit it." Piazzas to go of the week Another week, another flurry of amusing quotes from the great Mike Piazza, courtesy of the Newark Star Ledger's Lawrence Rocca.
The Yankees may have scorched most of the rest of the baseball earth these last few years. But there's one team that clearly has them all figured out -- the Tigers. In the Yankees' last 16 games in Detroit, they're 4-12. In their nine games at Comerica Park, they're 2-7. In their last 15 games against this team anyplace, they're 5-10. And they haven't won even a series against the Tigers in two years. "I wish we played like this against every team," Tigers utility humorist Shane Halter told Booth Newspapers' Danny Knobler. "We d be in first place." Strategist of the week Another day, another shift employed by Giants opponents to stop -- or at least psyche out -- Barry Bonds. "I've seen shortstops behind second base and third basemen who looked like they were playing short left," teammate Benito Santiago told the San Diego Union Tribune's Bill Center. "But I haven't seen the one shift that might work -- outfielders floating in balloons, or maybe circling in gliders." Aspiring Sci-fi author of the week It wasn't exactly the Oakland Athletics' master plan to be 20 games out of first place when the Mariners came to town in June. But it didn't prevent that 4-3 win Oakland pulled out in the series opener Monday from feeling good. What it meant, though, was a whole 'nother question. "Realistically, we know to get back in the race with them some extraordinary things have to happen," reliever Mike Magnante told the San Francisco Chronicle's Ron Kroichick. "Like the earth stops rotating." Retirement party of the week Cal Ripken Jr.'s buddy, Brady Anderson, knew how to honor the Iron Man's announcement Tuesday that he was retiring -- by going 2 for 3, with a homer and a great throw from right field, as the Orioles pounded five home runs and beat Toronto, 5-1. "Retire again tomorrow," Anderson told Ripken, "and I'll have another good game." White House non-tourist of the week The latest group of big-leaguers to go traipsing through the White House was the White Sox, who sent a delegation through the Oval Office on Thursday, before their game in Baltimore. But what was notable about this visit was who didn't go. And the correct answer to that mystery is: Harold Baines. After listening to President Bush say a thousand times on the campaign trail that the worst decision he ever made was trading Sammy Sosa for Baines back when the Prez owned the Rangers, Baines was a very conscientious objector to this visit. "Why would I want to go visit him?" Baines asked the Chicago Tribune's Paul Sullivan. "I sure didn't vote for him." Bond issue of the week One American you won't find pulling for Barry Bonds to break Mark McGwire's record is Todd McFarlane, the man who once paid $2.7 million for McGwire's 70th home run ball in 1998. If Bonds gets close, you'll find McFarlane sitting in Pac Bell Park, carrying the only anti-Barry sign in town. "It'll say, '69 will be just fine,' " McFarlane told the East Valley Tribune's Scott Bordow. "And if he does break it, I hope 71 goes in McCovey Cove -- and some whale swallows it." Weather men of the week It was National Thunderstorm Night in baseball Thursday. A couple of the more amusing ramifications: The trade rumors keep swirling around Pirates closer Mike Williams, who keeps hearing he's the No. 1 object of the Yankees' affection now that Ugueth Urbina has flunked his physical. But Williams is remaining as philosophical as ever, even though he'd lose his closer job if he goes to New York. "It's nice to be wanted," he told the Beaver County Times' John Perrotto, "by someone other than the FBI." Centennial man of the week It's better to throw 100 than to hit .100. And nobody throws 100 with more regularity than Tigers closer-in-training Matt Anderson. For his greatest performance ever, last Friday in Arizona, Anderson came into the game and threw seven straight pitches 100 mph or better. In order, they were clocked at: 101, 101, 101, 102, 100, 102, 100. In his inning of work, Anderson launched 14 fastballs. Thirteen hit 100 or higher. The gun registed the other at a sickly 99. "That's sick," said fellow reliever Dave Borkowski. "He's going to blow that thing up one day." Doug Glanville quote of the week Finally, it wouldn't be an edition of Wild Pitches without a quip from Phillies center field witticist Doug Glanville. Asked by Wild Pitches what Phillies teammates thought of last week's hot session in the manager's office between third baseman Scott Rolen and manager Larry Bowa, Glanville said of Bowa: "He calls more people into the principal's office than probably any principal in America." Jayson Stark is a Senior Writer at ESPN.com. Wild Pitches appears each Friday. |
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