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Start your calculators

Well, we challenged you useless infomaniacs out there to submit your suggestions for Stuff That Never Ever Happens in Baseball. And you're causing our useless-info inbox to just about explode.

But that, of course, is a good thing. And here's the proof – in the best Useless Reader Nuggets of the week:

5. Triple-threat Dept.
If there's anything more amazing than a pitcher who hits a triple, it's a pitcher who hits two triples – but no other kinds of hits.

That would describe Marlins pitcher A.J. Burnett at the moment. He's 10th in the league in triples. But he's last in every other kind of hit.

Which made loyal readers Brent, Travis and Austin Nevers wonder if any player ever had a season with only two hits – both triples. And, amazingly, six guys have done that. Here they are, thanks to Lee Sinins' astounding Sabermetric Encyclopedia:

Anybody want to guess which one of those six was also a pitcher? The legendarily nicknamed Limb McKenry, naturally. Any other useless info? Send it to uselessinfodept@yahoo.com.

4. Oddsmaker Dept.

When Boston's Matt Clement fired off the second walk-free complete game of his career May 22, loyal reader Jarod Quant didn't merely cheer. He went right to his favorite calculator.

Knowing that Clement is among the most beloved "effectively wild" pitchers on our planet, Quant – who describes himself as "a long-time Cubs fan now living in Boston" – asked himself: What were the odds of this guy pitching a no-walk complete game?


Luckily for us, he happens to be an engineer, so he actually figured out the answer.

Based on Clement's career stats going into that game, Quant estimated that the odds of this man throwing a walk-free CG was 1 in 11,578. Heck, if that's true, they should send either home plate or Jarod Quant's calculator straight to Cooperstown. Got something better? Send it to uselessinfodept@yahoo.com.

3. Odds and Ends Dept.
But it turned out Jarod Quant wasn't the only reader firing up his calculator out there.

Loyal reader John Seal was perusing the Reds' boxscore May 14 when he noticed a phenomenon which suggests that Reds manager Dave Miley might be a closet Moneyball devotee.

The Reds' entire starting lineup that day, from the first spot through the ninth, was in descending order of batting average. Best average in the group belonged to Ryan Freel, who hit leadoff. Fourth-best belonged to Junior Griffey, who hit fourth. Ninth-best belonged to pitcher Aaron Harang, who hit ninth.

Ah, but this gets better. The Reds used just one reliever, David Weathers. Who assumed the 10th line in the boxscore – and had, fittingly, a .000 average (worst of the 10 Reds who played). So he fit in perfectly.

Just to make this really fun, when the game was over and all the averages were re-calculated, they were still in the right order, from one through 10. Here, feel free to check this out yourselves.

So what, you ask, were the odds of thattranspiring? Well, if John Seal knows what he's doing when punching those numbers, the chances of it happening randomly, he says, are 1 in 362,880.

And even though we're pretty sure the Reds don't fill out their lineup cards randomly, that's one mathematically cool pearl of useless info, we'd say. Let us know what you think at uselessinfodept@yahoo.com.

2. Run-manufacturing Dept.

What we really need for this note is yet another reader with a calculator. So if you want to grab yours before reading further, we'll wait.

OK, everyone ready? In the top of the seventh inning of the Brewers' game in Washington on May 19, Milwaukee scored a run. Which happens now and then.

What doesn't happen much, though, is for the Brewers – or anyone else – to score a run in an inning in which there were no hits, walks, errors, stolen bases, wild pitches or passed balls. Or at least loyal reader Matt Branson is pretty sure it doesn't happen much.

So how did they get that run? Hector Carrasco plunked two hitters in a row. Then Gary Majewski came in and allowed a sacrifice bunt, followed by a sacrifice fly.

Sure sounded rare to us. So anyone want to figure out the odds of that run scoring? Operators are standing by at uselessinfodept@yahoo.com.

1. Not-so-tough save Dept.
We've always said that not all saves are created equal. But saves just don't get much more unequal than the one that initially appeared was recorded May 13, right there in the Pacific Coast League, by one of our own loyal readers, Indianapolis left-hander C.J. Nitkowski.

You see, Nitkowski was credited with this save despite one little technicality: He never threw a pitch.

As loyal reader J.D. Hamilton reports, Nitkowski entered this game in the eighth inning, with his team ahead, 2-1. Whereupon a downpour hit, the game got rained out, and the initial boxscore distributed to the masses showed Nitkowski with an SV next to his name.

We even checked with Nitkowski himself, and he confirmed he'd collected this save the easy way – on one of the most literally unhittable nights of his career.

Well, this is one beautifully useless tale. But alas, upon further review, the save was actually awarded to the pitcher who threw the last pitch of the evening – Joe Roa. So what you have instead is just about as weird: a boxscore in which Nitkowski's name appears last, with the save collected by the man who technically pitched next-to-last.

This seemed kind of puzzling. But then our old buddy, Doug Glanville, checked in to report that what Nitkowski actually recorded here was not an SV, but an IA – an Invisible Appearance. He gets an appearance added to his stat sheet, even though he never did anything more than exit the bullpen.

We understand that not much of this makes any sense. But we love it all the same because it's the epitome of the Useless Information concept.

And if you notice something that epitomizes it in any way whatsoever, feel free to send it our way at uselessinfodept@yahoo.com. We can hardly wait.

Jayson Stark is a senior writer for ESPN.com. Send your Useless Information to uselessinfodept@yahoo.com.