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It wasn't until after Dusty Baker signed his four-year, $15 million deal last November that he began to understand the depth of his new challenge.
"I didn't realize it was 94 years," he said at his introductory press conference, referring to the last time the Cubs won the World Series. "I'm finding out all those numbers once I get here."
Here's another fact Dusty should know: Since Leo Durocher replaced the Cubs' infamous College of Coaches in 1966, just three ex-Cubs managers have gotten another full-time managing gig. Of 21 full-timers and fill-ins, only Durocher, Jim Marshall and Lee Elia ever managed again -- and none since Elia led the Phillies in 1987-88.
With that in mind, we offer a list of managerial Don'ts to help Dusty traverse the minefield that is Cubs history.
Don't
Fire off a profanity-laced tirade against Cubs fans within earshot of reporters and, more importantly, a tape recorder. Elia's 1983 blowup, which came after fans taunted his players following yet another loss at Wrigley Field, is a cult classic to Cubs fans across the country. It's e-mailed relentlessly and is recorded onto answering machines. Leave a message after the last bleep: "If they are the real Chicago (bleep) fans, they can kiss my (bleep) (bleep) right downtown. And print it."
Object when the team president says that you'll be evaluated at season's end. Don Zimmer, who'd led the Cubs to their first-ever division title in 1989, did just that in May 1991. He was "evaluated" days later and was replaced by Jim Essian, who's never even had another major league coaching job after he was fired following the '91 season. Zimmer, of course, eventually landed on the bench next to Joe Torre and has helped the Yankees win four titles.
Make an infomercial for a miracle creme called Blue Stuff. That's Jim Lefebvre's gig now, a decade after he was fired. Lefebvre is the last Cubs manager with a .500 record, thanks to an 84-78 season in 1993, after the Cubs let Greg Maddux walk as a free agent. Now that's a miracle.
Give drunken fans a postgame forum. During the Cubs' 12-game home losing streak to start the 1994 season, Tom Trebelhorn announced that he'd answer fans' questions in front of the fire house on Waveland Avenue across from Wrigley Field. Treb's so-called Firehouse Chat went from bad to ugly in a matter of minutes.
Start a season by losing your first 14 games. Jim Riggleman's 1997 Cubs were done before they got started and spent the summer playing out the string. Overall, they lost 94 games, but somehow Riggleman survived -- until his 1999 Cubs lost 95 games.
Publically rip Sammy Sosa. Don Baylor started his doomed Cubs tenure by calling Sosa a one-dimensional player. Baylor tried to make peace by making Sammy a team captain, but the damage was done. The Cubs lost 97 games in 2000, their most since 1980, and Baylor was gone two seasons later.
Now it's Dusty's turn. While he found his own place in Chicago, he stayed in his old buddy Baylor's condo, which brings to mind another Don't for Cubs managers: Rent, don't buy.
Ed McGregor is an editor at ESPN The Magazine.
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