The LA Times reported that baseball made a 75 million dollar profit and baseball's commissioner, Bud Selig, was untruthful to congress when he cried poverty for the league. Bud must have forgotten to carry the 5, cuz there is no way that he would lie to the fans.
Four people in Los Angeles were charged with taking money from immigrants and staging fake naturalization ceremonies. Most of the victims were Koreans, Filipinos, and short stops.
Magic Johnson is thinking of running for Mayor of Los Angeles in 2005. In a related story, the city of Los Angeles just got cancelled.
Magic made the announcement at an opening of one of his Starbucks stating, "Where else can a poor black man in America become a millionaire and open a Starbucks in South Central, and charge other poor black men four dollars and 80 cents for a cup of coffee?" Magic is running for mayor, Charles Barkley for Governor of Alabama and John Rocker for Fuhrer of Germany.
After signing a 28 million dollar deal with the New Orleans Saints, cornerback Dale Carter has just filed for bankruptcy. This is bad news for the Houston Astros and their recently-crowned Dale Carter Stadium. Ruben Rivera has signed with the Texas Rangers. Good idea Rangers, give Rocker proof that Hispanics steal. So far the only thing missing from the locker room is Rocker's "Queer as Folk" T-shirt. The LPGA held a seminar to teach the ladies how to make women's golf appealing. It looks like the seminar worked. This Sunday at a tournament, Anika Sorenstam was seen working a ball washer with her mouth.
The Pirate's cut outfielder Derek Bell after what he called "operation shutdown." Bell said, "I haven't competed for a job since 1991." Well, now he can start. The unemployment office is located at 300 Liberty Avenue in Pittsburgh. Get there early. A day later, Bell pulled his groin. Well Derek, you are what you hurt. Olympic champion wrestler Rulon Gardner had the middle toe on his right foot amputated due to frostbite. I'm thinking E-bay baby!
Carolina Panthers will raise ticket prices after a season where they went 1 and 15. When asked why, Panthers officials said, "Hey, we made it a full season without a wide-out committing murder." I hope for the extra cash the Panthers cheerleaders also plan on sucking. In a related story North Carolina movie theaters have started charging 55 bucks for tickets to "Rollerball" and "Glitter". (MORE) Seattle Slew has been moved in order to provide him with quieter quarters in his old age. Apparently, they were keeping him too close to the breeding shed. It's no fun being up all night listening to horses mate. I know because I used to live next door to Greg Louganis and Steve Kimetko.
When asked for comment Slew said, "Hearing the constant mating reminds me of the 77 Kentucky Derby after party where I kicked it with Wilt Chamberlain." Coors is replacing Miller as the official beer of the NFL. So kids if you want to play in the NFL, make sure to drink your Coors. Gary Sheffield, in an interview with ESPN, claimed racism in baseball is just as prevalent today as it was in Jackie Robinson's day. To prove it he said, "All you have to do is look at the lack of black major league bench warmers playing today." Unavailable for comment were Delino DeShields, Darren Lewis, Will Cordero, Terry Shumpert, Wendell Magee, Dee Brown, Luis Alicea, Jose Vizcaino, Orlando Merced, Darryl Ward, Alberto Castillo, Gerald Williams, Desi Relaford, Mark McLemore, Gary Matthews Jr., Kevin Jordan, Ray Lankford, Shawon Dunston, Margus Grissom, Tom Goodwyn, and Calvin Murray. If they were available they would say, "Hey Shef, we make 1.5 mil, shut the hell up!"
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| Jay warms up the audience. |
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| Jay clowns around with 310 Racing Team’s Indy car driver, George Mack, before the race. |
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| Jay interviews racing legend and four-time Indy 500 champion, Rick Mears. |
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| All above photos courtesy of JayMohrLive.com |
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