What a week, first Little League World Series hero, Danny Alamonte turned 15 last week. He celebrated by driving his friends around in his new Cadillac, then going to vote.
Congratulations to the University of Oklahoma, who won the NCAA Men's Gymnastics Tournament. I don't know about you, but as soon as Penn State lost, my brackets were screwed.
The University of Minnesota men's Hockey team won the Frozen Four in St. Paul. This is not to be confused with the frozen four here in Hollywood. Walt Disney's body, Joan River's face and Carmen Electra's nipples.
On Friday, Vice President Dick Cheney threw out the first pitch at the Texas Rangers home opener. Cheney was then rushed back to his secret hiding place where no one can see him--Olympic Stadium in Montreal.
Indians pitcher Chuck Finley and his wife, bad actress, Tawny Kitaen, had a domestic spat which led to her getting tossed in the clink for spousal abuse. I think it's worth noting here, that while other athletes have been known to knock their wives around, Chuck was the one getting hit and he didn't swing back. That said...Finley held his own for a while, but Bob Wickman was brought in to close. Derrick Jeter and Nomar Garciaparra were impersonated by a San Francisco man, to obtain bats to sell on Ebay…
Imitating baseball players is a practice that has been going on for a long time. Jose Offerman has been doing it for years. For those of you keeping score at home that's Offerman. "O-F-F-E-5" -Makes Chuck Knoblauch look like Lee Harvey Oswald.
Red's manager Bob Boone has banned music in the clubhouse because it gets on his nerves. The mood in the clubhouse was solemn as Bel Biv Devoe cleaned out their locker.
In a jailhouse interview with Bob Costas, Jim Brown said he would never again raise his hand in violence...Unless, of course the broad gets lippy. So he won't raise his hand, but he'll still plant a foot in your ass.
Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren says he's changing his image from that of a bully to more of a touchy-feely kind of guy. And who doesn't want to be touched and felt by Mike Holmgren. Matt Hasselback can you show us on the doll where Coach Holmgren touched you?
Louisiana State University has admitted that some of their athletes had people write papers, read books and look up answers for them. Every guy in college has someone like this. They're called fat girlfriends.
To celebrate the upcoming World Cup, Addidas will donate one dollar to charity every time a goal is scored. They hope to raise as much as 6 dollars.
Michael Jordan is done for the season but he says he has unfinished business with the Wizards. I got news, Mike, unless that Wizard is Merlin, I think your business is done.
Running around with Christian Laetner on your back. That's bad for your knees.
Karl Malone expressed yesterday that he would like to run for governor of Arkansas. Wow, first Bill Clinton and now Karl Malone. What's with Arkansas and the black governors?
Shaquile O'Neal, already playing with an agonizing toe injury, now has an injured wrist.
Hey, Shaq. Put something cold on it, like Rick Fox.
Seattle Slew has been moved in order to provide him with quieter quarters in his old age. Apparently, they were keeping him too close to the breeding shed. It's no fun being up all night listening to horses mate. I know because I used to live next door to Greg Louganis and Steve Kimetko. When asked for comment Slew said, "Hearing the constant mating reminds me of the 77 Kentucky Derby after party where I kicked it with Wilt Chamberlain."
Chris Webber will marry supermodel Tyra Banks at the end of the season.
After marrying Chris, Tyra plans to live anonymously in Sacramento as, "the six foot black chick with D cups."
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| Jay warms up the audience. |
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| Jay clowns around with 310 Racing Team’s Indy car driver, George Mack, before the race. |
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| Jay interviews racing legend and four-time Indy 500 champion, Rick Mears. |
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| All above photos courtesy of JayMohrLive.com |
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