Mike Shula, being a football coach and nobody's dope, in that order, is beginning his career at Alabama knowing only one thing -- he looks better than his predecessor simply by showing up.

But the rest is organization, making a list, checking it twice, and then following through on every point.

	Now that he is Alabama's new football coach, Mike Shula needs to make sure he's never caught in a compromising position.

This, then, is that list.

Point One: Sign your contract

Now. Not in half an hour. Not after the press conference. Not after meeting with the alums, or the school president. Right this minute. Because you never know. In the immortal words of Jim Mora, you may THINK you know, but you just ... don't ... know.

Point Two: Go visit the Bear

True, your dad is a lot like Bear Bryant, but at Alabama there is only the real thing and a bunch of pale imitators. So visit the site, right after you SIGN THE CONTRACT. And then just sit awhile, channeling the houndstooth hat. Don't say anything out loud (no sense in looking ostentatious, let alone stark-staring nuts). Just think about what he would have done, what he wouldn't have done, and who he wouldn't have done it with. Be who you are, but always be mindful that the best you can ever be, in the immortal words of Mike Price, is the second-best coach in school history.

Point Three: Always remember the first law of celebrity

That law, as we know, is "Never do anything you'll have trouble explaining later." That includes anything involving the prostitution industry, anything to do with a woman named Destiny, anything that requires giving your credit card to someone else, anything that will interest the cops, and anything that might make a recruit's mom go, "Eeeeeuuuuuuuuugggghh." If that means sacrificing the notorious wild Shula side, well, read a book.

Point Four: Know everything Auburn is saying about you

You don't have to respond, but you know it's going to be out there, all the way down to "He has a girlfriend with an air valve in her neck." And don't be offended if most of it is false; in fact, be offended only if it is true, because it will mean you have violated Point Three. This is Auburn's greatest moment since Bo Jackson left, but it will not last unless you make it last.

Point Five: Have you signed your contract yet?

Sign, damn it! Sign! ... And get direct deposit. No sense even wasting a second in consummating the contract.

Point Six: Be visible

You can't get caught doing something stupid if you know people are watching, so let them watch. Open practices. Keep your office light on at night. Show up at other campus events. Above all, have a witness available at all times for extra deniability, and next to leverage, deniability is the best friend an adult can ever have.

Point Seven: Hire some old coaches for your staff

It's your party, but having some elders on the staff to use as a racquetball wall for your giddier ideas not only will help you, it will help soothe the alums who think that a 37-year-old is about 20 years too young to be given the keys to the car.

Point Eight: Always wear something red

Red doesn't go with a lot of other colors (neither does orange, of course, but that's Auburn's problem), but it shows that you're committed. But don't wear red pants to church. You'll look like a clown.

Point Nine: Always refer to your predecessor as Dennis Franchione

True, this is a lie, but everyone knows the truth, and you're playing to the Alabama audience, not the national one. Besides, it's unlikely that The Other Guy is going to be coaching this year, so you're not really playing against anyone's ghost except The Bear's.

Point Ten: Win!!!

This seems self-explanatory, but it can't be stressed enough. Your record every year should be 13-0-1, with the one being the spring game, but if you can't run the table, you should at least be sitting at it every year.

Oh, and did you sign the contract yet?

Ray Ratto is a columnist with the San Francisco Chronicle and a regular contributor to ESPN.com