This is what is written on the back cover of the "Slap Shot 2" DVD sitting in front of me:

Get set for more hard-charging action and laughs than you can shake a stick at in the uproarious, star powered sequel to Slap Shot, the original classic hailed as "one of the top ten sports movies ever!" (Sports Illustrated, ESPN.com, The Sporting News)

	HIT THE ICE by Michael Fischer
	TOONS ON ICE Hockey (www.toonsonice.com)

Sean Linden (Stephen Baldwin) is the long-suffering captain and coach of the Charlestown Chiefs. With a roster of one-time stars, would-be hot shots and the comically uncontrollable Hanson Brothers, the Chiefs are a team whose glory days are a distant memory. But the team's new millionaire owner (Academy Award-nominee Gary Busey) has a new game plan: to turn the Chiefs into the bumbling, underdog losers in a bogus made-for-TV hockey league! And to add insult to injury, their new coach...is a woman! Now, it's going to take a stone-cold miracle-and some high-sticking action from Sean and the Hanson Brothers to show the world they've got what it takes to win back their passion for the game!

I know what you are thinking. "Get Chris Nilan to butt end me right now. I mean, hold me down and snap my femur. If I watch this movie I will be in a mental position to take somebody out." I empathize with your frustration. I once had a similar reaction to a movie.

In the fall of 1996, the movie "Mad Love" was rented by someone and made its way into my VCR. I don't know if it was me, former Ranger Pete Stemkowski or my girlfriend...Morgan Fairchild...yeah...but it happened. Never in my life have I BEEN SO ANGRY watching a movie. I don't walk out of movies, shut off rented ones, leave hockey games early, leave mass after communion, or turn down an invitation to a party or a quick beer before close.

So, I was trapped while Drew Barrymore and Chris O'Donnell held me hostage and slowly sucked the life out of me. If you thought the most disturbing thing about O'Donnell's acting career is that implausible bulge he sported as Robin, you thought wrong, Sparky. Two things save O'Donnell for me: 1) He likes golf and 2) He was in "Scent of a Woman," which is one of my favorite movies of all time and a great example of reviewing movies. Go on line and just about every review of this movie says it sucks like the 1974-75 Washington Capitals (8-67-5). I liked it. It inspired me. But while we all have different tastes, we should be able to recognize and rate something as good, decent or poor whether we find it appealing or not. I hated "Mad Love" and it was painfully horrible. That is indisputable. Maybe you didn't like "Scent of a Woman," but you can't dispute Al Pacino's performance. Even if you didn't like his performance, it was good. I admit I'm a sucker for the corny, uplifting movie. For me, "Scent of a Woman," "The Natural," "Dead Poet's Society," and "Searching for Bobby Fischer" all walk down that corn field perfectly without exploding like a giant expanding silver ball of Jiffy Pop. Great writing and acting ensure that.

While I like inspirational movies, I also like Pink Floyd's, "The Wall," "Fight Club," and "Slap Shot." "Slap Shot" was the most non-inspirational movie of all time. I watched "Slap Shot" again, right after I watched "Slap Shot 2." "Slap Shot" is dark, depressing, vulgar, funny, ironic, and intimate. I grew up in the Ohio Valley in the late 1970s and early '80s and the scenery, people, and stories in "Slap Shot" had a real life texture to me, which gives the movie soul. Things with soul endure.

"Slap Shot 2" does not have soul. It is predictable and glossy. Vulgar? Yes. Funny? There are some very funny lines and the Hanson Brothers are very good again. I'm not sure I would call this a sequel as I would a remake, however, much like Michael Bolton would remake "When a Man Loves a Woman," and not James Taylor remaking, "Up on the Roof."

There are the Hanson Brothers, an aging player-coach, a European goaltender, a smart-ass star, an aging owner (this one had an English accent!), a sex maniac, and a woman in a non-traditional role. (Slap Shot had a female owner, Slap Shot 2 has a female coach.) Same formula and rated "R" for a reason. (A couple of script tweaks and Dennis Leary could have made it a must see.)

It's not in the same rink as "Slap Shot," but "Slap Shot 2" doesn't stink as bad as the 2001-02 Florida Panthers. There are two Bobby Orr punchlines, the Hanson Brothers, and an adequate cast of characters. This wasn't even to close to watching "Mad Love." You won't light yourself on fire and run around the neighborhood to alert friends NOT to rent the DVD.

Maybe "Slap Shot 2" lacks soul because society -- and a little of the NHL -- has so little left. In "Slap Shot 2," the game is ultra-corporate, the players not as intimate, and the breasts have implants.

My recommendation? Watch "Slap Shot 2," then watch "Slap Shot." It's an excellent evening of laughs, good hockey action, and a reflection of two societies -- one past and one present. You judge which one you like better.

Last week, we asked NHL commissioner Gary Bettman questions about his personal life: childhood, college, music tastes, etc., etc. (Note: Remember you can click on the archives link in the right-hand side of the column to get all old entries since the first one in November.)

	Bettman

For this week's questions, I drove down to New York City and sat face-to-face with Bettman at the league offices in Manhattan.

No. 1: What is the NHL's and your reaction to the death of Brittany Cecil?
Bettman: It's an enormous tragedy. It's something that we as a league mourn. I still can't put into words how sorry we are that it happened. I don't want anything I say explaining how our buildings are safe to at all minimize this terrible tragedy. It was awful, we wished it didn't happen, and we're looking to see if there are ways that we can make sure that nothing like this ever happens again, even if it takes another 85 years. Once is too many.

No. 2: Considering the bigger, faster, and stronger players, and lighter, technically-advanced sticks, what does the NHL plan to do to help prevent their fans from getting hit with pucks?
Bettman: We are going to look at everything. There are no simple answers, but we are in the process of going through the self-evaluation process, retaining the appropriate experts to see what, if anything, can be done to prevent even something as fluky, as some have described it, from happening again.

No. 3: Flyer general manager Bobby Clarke said last week that he thinks netting should be installed above the glass. Will there be netting in NHL rinks next season?
Bettman: We are in the process of evaluating what the possible answers are. The European example and the Nagano example are not applicable because those are smaller buildings. We have to study our 30 rinks and take a self-critical analysis and see what can be done. But there is no easy, simple answer.

My idea, if it is decided netting should be installed to prevent the number of pucks going into the stands: tall, thin, strong poles that are latched on the glass from the bottom up, in the corners. Those poles, or a series or poles, would extend 30 feet above the glass. Netting then would be married to the two poles to create a giant rectangle wall of netting. The NHL seems stuck on hanging netting to the second level of NHL rinks. I have to think there is a way to create netting that is taut and goes straight up. The vision through the netting would be better, and the number of seats affected small.

No. 4: Was and is the Olympics good for the NHL?
Bettman: I think, on balance, this was a good experience in terms of exposure for our game and our players. It was a fun tournament. Viewership was unprecedented in the United States, Canada and worldwide. This is a sport that is the most diverse of all the North American sports. Our players come from 22 different countries, so the international flavor is there. We do it because the players like, the fans like it, and it was a good experience.

	“	One of the things that I know about hockey is there is no shortage of passion and disagreement of what the rules should be.”
		— Gary Bettman, NHL commissioner

No. 5: When will you know if NHL players will play in the 2006 Olympics?
Bettman: We are still evaluating the overall impact of this past experience. We have to look at our season and weigh the logistical concerns. We would need a longer break to go to Italy, and there are travel concerns, and we have a little business to take care of in 2004 before we really worry about 2006.

No. 6: Paul Kariya suggested that the nets be put back to where they were prior to 1998-99, when they were moved in two feet, to increase the size of the neutral zone because there is no room. In light of the Olympic-style of play, what about rule changes to have a game, not necessarily with more goal scoring, but with better flow?
Bettman: One of the things that I know about hockey is there is no shortage of passion and disagreement of what the rules should be. We had a very extensive general mangers' meeting and rules discussion right after the Olympics. The tone from that and what we hear from our fans is that people love our game. We're not looking to make fundamental, radical changes. Having said that, there are three things we're going to do next year: 1) some version of the hurry up face off; 2) a modified version of the tag-up rule to keep the play flowing on what would otherwise be a delayed offside; 3) we're going to come to a more objective standard, almost the way we did zero tolerance with slashing, in the neutral zone. We could have a standard that said you can't put a stick or a free hand on a non-puck carrying player in the neutral zone. Something that is very easy to call. I think if we did those things we'd be in even better shape the next year. The message we want to articulate is you just can't put your stick or a hand on a player without the puck in the neutral zone. Zero tolerance.

No. 7: Why aren't some teams making money?
Bettman: Disparity No. 1 is while in some ways we have never been stronger and our growth and revenues have never been better, as fast as we've been able to grow revenues, salaries have grown at even a faster rate. The second is there's become increasingly a disparity on what teams spend for players, and we believe you have to have a system where all teams can be competitive, economically stable, and we want it to be where all teams are currently located, that's particularly our small market franchises, especially the small-market teams in Canada. We have no interest in moving franchises or contracting.

No. 8: You have stated that you want the NHL to have cost certainty. How do you do that without a salary cap?
Bettman: Salary caps are a form of cost certainty and there are different kinds of caps. There are lots of ways businesses can control their costs. I'm not advocating any of these things, because we have to sit down and talk about it with the Players' Association, but there can be salary scales or sharing arrangements based on percentages. There are literally hundreds of different ways to ensure that your costs align with your revenues and that is something that we are hoping we can reason together with the players on. I know a little bit about the salary cap, since I helped invent it in my former life. Our hope is that we can begin the negotiation process sooner rather than later. There is no obligation for the Players' Association to do it at this time, but we're ready to go at any time, at any place, and we view this as an opportunity to make the game stronger.

MVP. The three letters that have as much an impact on an athlete as a championship. No player will say it, but to be able to say you are the most valuable player of the greatest hockey league in the world has an enormity of pride attached to it which stays with an athlete forever. After all, one player can't control bad goaltending, unlucky bounces, bad refereeing, inept management or payroll limitations. A player can only control his own preparation, effort and production.

I love statistics as much as anybody, but, I always revert to my playground/pond hockey formula when rating players. When you were a kid, you knew who the best player was. You didn't need a stat book. However, there have been about 900 players who have played in the NHL this year, so I like to combine the two. A little dose of stats and a whole lot of, "that guy, right there. He's been the best player in the league this year."

	Iginla

1. Jarome Iginla, Calgary Flames: This guy, right here, is the best player in the league this year. He is fast, he can shoot, he can fight and he can finish. His team is not a playoff team, but that should have NOTHING to do with it. It's more amazing he's done what he's done on a bad team. The object of the game is to score goals. You can't win a hockey game unless you SCORE A GOAL. No one has scored more. He has scored the most points and he has been around plus-30 all year. He is the embodiment of what an NHL MVP should be: talented, tough, humble and classy. He is everything that the NBA and NFL are not. The NHL is a better place because Jarome Iginla is in the league. It amazes me how little he is marketed by the NHL.

2. Brendan Shanahan, Detroit Red Wings: Last year, whenever Brett Hull missed a game for the Dallas Stars, I said to myself, "This is a completely different team." It was so blatant to me that Hull gave the Stars a dimension that was really only realized when he wasn't in the lineup. I was shocked when they let him go. COULDN'T THE STARS SEE THAT LAST YEAR!!? To me, Brendan Shanahan is that guy on the Red Wings this year, although not to the extreme that Hull was last year because of Detroit's depth. He's the one guy in the Wings' lineup that if you took him out, the entire team would be affected ... and that might include Dominik Hasek. Shanny's already my Conn Smythe pick.

3. Patrick Roy, Colorado Avalanche: A lot of people have him as the MVP, but I just don't feel that. The Avs are a great defensive hockey team. Roy does have A LOT to do with that, but this team is a goaltender's dream team. That being said, if I had to pick a goalie for the playoffs, I would choose Roy. He has a presence and a game to match, which gives the Avs an excellent chance to repeat.

4. Todd Bertuzzi, Vancouver Canucks: This guy is unbelievable -- 240 pounds and hands as soft as Hale Berry. You look at him and say, "He's Jaromir Jagr." He might be the best player in the league since January 1. Had he not missed any games (mom always said don't come off the bench to fight) Bertuzzi may have won the scoring title. He should get 100 points next year if he brings it every night.

5. Sergei Samsonov, Boston Bruins: Using the playground/pond hockey formula, when I watch the Bruins, I say, "That guy, No. 14, he's the best player on the team." He could play on a line with Carson Daly and a jar of mayonnaise and still produce. He's very smart, an excellent passer, is playing a nastier defensive game and his plus rating is over 20. He had a great fight with Sami Kapanen this season. If he were a basketball player, they would say he's great off the dribble. Creating your own offense in a league that is so congested is very VALUABLE. He'll be good in the playoffs because he's talented and smart.

Cammi Granato is not retiring. The captain of the USA Olympic women's hockey team told me last week that she plans on playing in the 2006 Winter Olympics in Italy. During February's Olympics in Utah, it was widely assumed that Granato was calling it quits after the Games. NBC even did one of those sappy, let's-go-into-the-woods-play-with-a-twig-in-a-small-puddle-of-water-and-contemplate-life-like-Thoreau-and-Emerson-did-in-1848 profiles. While Enya plays in the background. You know, one of those scenarios that NEVER HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE.

	Cammi Granato is aiming for the 2006 Olympics in Turin, Italy.

However, at 31, Granato has decided to spend the next four years of her life keeping her body in top physical shape and her mind focused on gold. Con te Partiro? Not yet. This Italian-American is saying "Bongiorno," to the challenge of another Olympic games.

Why keep playing?: "I thought I was done. The lifestyle of living in dorms and aspects like that are not attractive. The hockey part is easy. I love to work out and train. It's part of my lifestyle. The other stuff is a challenge. But, I love to play. I just thought I was supposed to retire. But, I want to play some more and thankfully they still want me around. I wasn't sure that they would. But, I'm not the only one having second thoughts about coming back among the veterans."

If you had won gold in Utah...: "I probably would have retired. It's hurts so much to lose. But I don't know, maybe I would have wanted to go for three in a row."

Explain the alleged incident that the U.S. women stomped on a Canadian flag in the locker room; "It's one of the most worst things to be accused of. Of all the things that have happened to me in my career, that made me the most angry, that someone would accuse us of something that low. I don't know where it came from. Nothing resembling a maple leaf entered our locker room. I believe it was a motivational tool on their part. I confronted a couple of players on Canada and they said they heard it from a volunteer. There is nothing anyone could have seen to interpret such a scene. Between September 11, and what flags represent in our country, and the packet Olympic athletes were given reminding to honor all flags, it is absolutely ridiculous to think we would have the mindset to act out such a stunt that was insinuated. That was a low blow on their part to go to the media and talk about something so low that NEVER HAPPENED."

Thoughts on 2006?: "It's hard thinking about making it that far. I honestly think that this is going to be my biggest challenge. I feel like I'm trying out for the team again. I guess it's because of the age thing. This is a new barrier for women's hockey in the U.S."

John,
Just firing off an e-mail to show my disagreement with Ray Ferraro now becoming Chicken Cordon Bleu. I think "Chicken Parm" is considerably more fitting in St. Louis. I humbly request that Chicken Parm be reinstated to his proper nickname, and if you're ever in town, drop by and bring Ray and we'll go to Favazzi's and get the best chicken parm in the universe.
Keep Panger on his toes,
J.D. Scott
St. Louis

John,
Answer me these questions:
1) What are the Caps chances of doing anything in the playoffs if they make it?
2) Will Sergei Gonchar get a real look at winning the Norris?
3) Will crazy Ron Wilson get canned after this year?
Caps Fan

1) I have the Canadiens getting in by one point. I think we are destined for the Montreal-Boston first rounder. If the Caps DO get in, I don't see them getting far.
2) No.
3) I would say... probably. Melrose would be a good fit for the Capitals. Barry advocates a high-energy offensive team that plays gritty and hard. Plus, Wilson is a much better golfer, so I would prefer him to come on NHL 2Night to replace Barry. PERFECT! Melrose for Wilson.

John,
A man with musical knowledge such as yours must enjoy the sounds of Steely Dan. What are your top three Steely Dan tracks?
Shawn
New Jersey

1) "Black Friday"...Gonna let the world pass by me, the Archbishop gonna sanctify me.
2) "Haitian Divorce"...Babs and Clean Willy were in love they said.
3) A tie between "Here at the Western World" ... We got your skinny girls, here at the Western World...and "Gaucho"...Who is the gaucho amigo? Why is he standing in your spangled leather poncho, with the studs that match your eyes?

Butchy,
I just can't imagine Bettman bouncing up and down singing "One Week."
Walik
Northern California

Gary Bettman said in this space last week that he loves the Barenaked Ladies.

Hey John,
What has happened to my Blues?
Rob
St. Louis

Never forget that the Blues were built for the playoffs. Their recipe for playoff success if simple: 1) Play the way they have been recently, which is aggressive, and limit teams to few shots. 2) Goaltend just a LITTLE bit better. Mentally perhaps they feel they can't measure up with Colorado and Detroit, but goaltending hasn't been their issue. 3) The power play HAS to be 25 percent or better. They have the talent to do that. If their power play is on, they can win some playoff games.

	Brind'Amour

	Fowler

Hi John,
Here's another look a like for you. Carolina's Rod Brind'Amour and Leeds United striker Robbie Fowler.
Arnie
Norway

The Leeds United Football Club was established in 1919. They were English League champions in 1969, 1974 and 1992. At the beginning the week, Fowler had 18 goals and Brind'Amour, 21.

John,
Third jersey's are nothing more than a poor attempt to dress up a bad team to make some cash. Shame on New York for desecrating the Original Six. And Boston, well, they should know better. I mean, really, have some respect. This isn't baseball.
Paul
Chicago

John,
Please pass my sympathy to Mr. Richter in NYC. As a cheerleader in college, I took many blows to the head. Eventually, I too lay in the CT machine. Now that I am crazy, I play goalie. Of course, after a one-timer from five feet away WENT OFF MY CUP and not my helmet, I had 10 hours in the emergency room and a lot of morphine. I am out for the season. Peace, pucks, Parm, and Pang on.
John Merx
Chicago

John,
So, when I read the origin of your name, Bucci-Grossi, I just had to look it up. All Italian last names have significant meanings. Here is what I found: The word "bucci" comes from the Italian, "buccia," which means "skin." The word, "grossi," comes from the Italian, "grosso," which means, hard, thick, heavy. So, that being said...John Thickskin.
Dominick Savoka

Hal Gil kayaking with Leo Sayer. That sentence is attached to nothing this week. I just had to get it off my chest. It's been ringing inside my head for the past five minutes.

John,
Oh, what a PANGled web we weave.
Mike Diesenhof
Connecticut

Here it is...the PANG link. E-mail in any additions. The judging is strict.

John Buccigross is the host of NHL 2Night, which airs Tuesday-Saturday on ESPN2. His e-mail address -- for questions, comments or cross-checks -- is john.buccigross@espn.com.