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	Tuesday Morning Quarterback has long suspected that Kurt Warner is an alien lifeform. So, you can imagine his confusion now that the robo QB looks human. Add in the Rams' lack of blocking and the Steelers' lack of tackling, and it's a full-blown conspiracy theory. TMQ calls in Agents Mulder and Scully, who just happen to be free. TUESDAY MORNING QUARTERBACK

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	After nearly five months off to undertake his goodwill mission to Beirut, Hunter S. Thompson has returned to Page 2. The Good Doctor is tanned, rested and ready for another season of wagering on the pro pigskin. The doc certainly hits the ground running, offering his pick for Super Bowl XXXVII ... and, of course, putting his money where his mouth is.

Baseball Diary		The Sports Guy

	What kind of a fan are you? As the winner-take-all battle between the Dodgers and the Giants dwindles down to its final days, in the latest installment of his California Baseball Diary, Page 2's Eric Neel looks at the beauty, the poignancy ... yes, and the horror ... of being a baseball fan.		As a lifelong Bostonian, Page 2's Bill Simmons knows that every fall he must write a eulogy for the Red Sox's failed season -- and today is that day for the 2002 campaign. But this year the job seems especially painful, given the way an overbearing media has villainized Nomar, Manny and Pedro.

WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?

Madonna wants to write a new kind of "Bedtime Stories." PETA wants equal time in the "sausage races." And Michael Vick just want someone to watch the Falcons. Page 2 just wants the answer to a simple question: "What the Heck Are They Thinking?"

After listing the 10 best offenses in NFL history last week, we now get defensive. Check out our list of the top 10 NFL defenses of all-time, and then click here to offer your choice for the top defense. We'll run our readers' top 10 later this week.
10]	1975 Los Angeles Rams Fred Dryer. Jack Youngblood. Merlin Olson. Get the idea? They weren't the "Fearsome Foursome," but they were almost impossible to score against.

9]	1963 Chicago Bears Bears defensive coach George Allen came up with a new zone defense against the pass that befuddled opponents and led to a whopping 36 interceptions.

8]	1973 Miami Dolphins The "No-Name" Defense held 11 opponents to 14 points or less, setting a record by allowing just 150 points in a 14-game season.

7]	1969 Kansas City Chiefs Hank Stram's "Triple Stack" defense, which gave the linebackers lots of room to roam, was superb, holding five opponents to fewer than 10 points and giving up an average of less than two touchdowns a game.
	• GET THE FULL LIST

NFL	FAVORITE	LINE	UNDERDOG	O/U
Sunday	Dolphins	3	Chiefs	44½
Sunday	Bills	3	Bears	44
Sunday	Packers	7½	Panthers	43
Sunday	Patriots	3	Chargers	42
COLLEGE FB	FAVORITE	LINE	UNDERDOG	O/U
Saturday	USC	3½	Oregon State	NL
All Times ET \| Bold indicates home team Complete line


	Got a comment about something you've seen on Page 2? Here's your chance to sound off to the editors and columnists. Plus, if you'd like to send an e-mail to The Sports Guy, here's your direct link to Bill Simmons.

	THE WATER COOLER Page 2's Brian Murphy ponders sicko fans, sick 49ers and the sick state of the Pac Bell faithful at the Water Cooler.
	RAIDER NATION In Part 4 of his series on the birth of the Raider nation, Pat Toomay gets an insane and profane new roommate in John Matuszak.
	THE SPORTS GUY Page 2's Bill Simmons has a public service announcement: Never see the movie "Undisputed"
	MASTERFUL MELTDOWN After watching Lou Piniella's base-throwing tirade, Page 2's Jim Caple examines the elements of a good meltdown.


	If your favorite writer isn't on Page 2 today, click here to check out our full roster of columnists.

It's Royals first-base coach Tom Gamboa, left, who was victimized by the senseless attack of two fans last week at Comiskey Park, and actor Dann Florek of "Law & Order." Page 2 has received 13 requests for this match. Browse our archives of past pairs or click here to submit a future duo for Page 2.

Soccer: Milan AC at Deportivo La Coruna
2:30 p.m. ET, ESPN2
Champions League, group phase 1, matchday 2.

Diamondbacks at Cardinals
8 p.m. ET, MLB Extra Innings
NL first-round preview.

Athletics at Mariners
10 p.m. ET, MLB Extra Innings
Last-chance gasp by Seattle.

• Complete TV Listings

If you missed Page 2 over the last week, check out our back issues:
• Mon., Sept. 23: Sick Puppies
• Fri., Sept. 20: Singin' in Brain
• Thurs., Sept. 19: Paid in Full
• Wed., Sept. 18: Pregame Shows
• Tues., Sept. 17: Breakouts & Breakdowns

Other featured content:
• 10 Burning Questions with Mark Mulder
• NFL Stud & Dud for Week 3
• Reel Life: "The Natural"
• "The Sopranos" Casting Call
• Page 2's Fall TV preview
• 10 Burning Questions with Drew Carey
• Page 2 Goes to the Movies
• Our Top 20 Sports Movies
• Manilow meets Kournikova

Tuesday, Sept. 24, 2002