espn.com Ali Contest
Proving once again that the world is a tiny place, Bill Simmons and Hunter S. Thompson both took the marital plunge (no, not with each other!) at almost precisely the same time last month. The coincidence is just too weird for Page 2 to pass up, so we let them go head-to-head in a Tale of the Wedding Tape. May the Best Man win.
THE SPORTS GUY VS. THE GOOD DOCTOR




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Page 2's Stacey Pressman checked out a WNBA game recently and came away with one thought: Just Say No! (Hey, at least she tried it before she learned to dislike it.) Stacey recounts her day with women's professional basketball, and comes up with a condundrum: Which is better, the WNBA or a root canal?

The Water Cooler The Daily Quickie
Brian Murphy's Weekend Water Cooler says it's one thing for Roger Clemens to miss out on No. 300 against the Red Sox. But it's something else altogether when he can't get the "gimme" against Detroit. Plus, bald is beautiful in Paris.
 Say it ain't so! The Daily Quickie just can't picture Super Mario in a Rangers' uniform, despite reports that it could happen. And it's come to this in the NBA's coaching carousel: The Van Gundy sweepstakes? More like a train wreck.

TRADING SPACES
Page 2's Bill Simmons wants to know what happens if the Pistons offer, say, Tayshaun, Darko and Wallace for Shaq. Who blinks first? There's only one way to find out: Read his trade-value ratings of NBA players.


We've already given you the best sports years for an individual city, but let's not forget about when things weren't going so well. Page 2 presents the worst years that a single metropolis has endured:

10]  Washington (1961)
The nation's capital had only two pro sports teams in 1961: the 1-12-1 Redskins and the 61-100 Senators.
9]  Detroit (1979)
Dickie V's Pistons went 30-52. The Lions were 2-14. And the Red Wings finished with an abysmal 23-41-16 record, leaving the Tigers as the only bright spot at 85-76 -- 18½ out of first.
8]  New York (1987)
Here's what being the biggest sports market in the world gets you: nine major league teams. Here's where it got you in 1987: one playoff appearance and a whole lot of last places -- five, to be exact.
  • GET THE FULL LIST


NHL/NBA FAVORITE LINE UNDERDOG O/U
Monday Mighty Ducks 1½ Devils 4
Wednesday Spurs 6½ Nets 188
Bold indicates home team | Complete line


 
Got a comment about something you've seen on Page 2? Here's your chance to sound off to the editors and columnists. Plus, if you'd like to send an e-mail to The Sports Guy, here's your direct link to Bill Simmons.


RATINGS MONSTER
Page 2's Ralph Wiley wonders who's at fault in the Mike Tyson controversy: Iron Mike or the people who keep giving him a forum?

TERRIBLE TIGERS
Page 2's Eric Neel had a tough assignment: watching the Detroit Tigers for an entire week.

THE LIST
When the game is clearly over, Page 2's Tim Keown thinks someone needs to tell the guy running the sound system.

DOUBLE STANDARD
Jason Whitlock wonders why only African-American athletes are asked to speak out against injustices.

IT'S A DIRTY BUSINESS
In a Page 2 exclusive, a street agent tells us how he goes about signing up the master spellers.
If your favorite writer isn't on Page 2 today, click here to check out our full roster of columnists.


It's Braves manager Bobby Cox, left, and His Holiness, Pope John Paull II. This match was requested by 66 Page 2 readers. Browse our archives of past pairs or click here to submit a future duo.


Tennis: French Open
Noon ET, ESPN
Clay brings pressure to the surface.
 
NHL Finals: Devils at Ducks
8 p.m. ET, ABC
Anaheim can even it up on home pond.
 
Monday Night Baseball
10 p.m. ET, TBS
Rockies face Giants at Pac Bell.
 
• Complete TV Listings


If you missed Page 2 over the last week, check out our back issues:
• Fri., May 30: Open Mike
• Thurs., May 29: Page 2 classifieds
• Wed., May 28: Senior superlatives
• Tues., May 27: Benedict Clemens

Other featured content:
• Illegal Motion: Page 2's Scandal Detector
• Being ... Mr. Met
• What the Heck Are They Thinking?
• Page 2's 2003 Wacky Bracket
Monday, June 2, 2003
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