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These folks are getting jobbed
By Jim Caple
Special to Page 2Ever work for a boss who insists on dropping by your cubicle twice an hour, "just to check up and touch base and see whether you've got that project wrapped up yet, and oh, while I'm here, could you stay late Friday night and come in Saturday and Sunday? And I hope that's not a personal e-mail, is it?"
|  | | How would you like the job of feeding this guy when he's hungry? |
That's the way it must be for Washington Redskins coach Norv Turner, who reports to Daniel Snyder, the team owner who makes George Steinbrenner look like a hands-off guy.
Not to create an environment of pressure, but one of Snyder's first moves as owner was to fire more than a dozen employees without severance pay. He also dressed down his coach in the training room after a loss last season and charged fans $10 just to watch training camp. You'd rather have an IRS auditor examine your expense reports than have a guy like that peering over your neck.
Of course, there are even worse jobs, including these 10 that are the worst in sports.
1. XFL team trainer: What with the concussions, tears, breaks, lacerations and dismemberments that are a weekly part of football, NFL trainers already have one of the most demanding jobs in sports. But just think what it will be like for the trainers in the XFL, which figures to produce more blood and broken bones per minute than a Quentin Tarantino flick. I mean, what genius decided that what this world really needed was a sport even more violent, sexist and offensive than the NFL?
2. Los Angeles Clippers ticket scalper: All right, who needs tickets? I've got a great pair one row behind the Clippers bench. What am I offered? C'mon, these are killer tickets. Darius Miles is right in front of you. Lamar Odom is right in front of you -- all right, the cheerleaders are right there in front of you. Doesn't anybody need tickets? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Hey, cut me some slack here -- all I'm asking is half-price. ...
3. David Wells' dietician: No, David. Heineken is not one of the four basic food groups.
4. Beer vendor exclusively assigned to upper deck section of Comiskey Park: You think Frank Thomas had a lot on his shoulders carrying the White Sox offense? Try scaling the vertical face of Comiskey's nose-bleed sections while hauling a double-rack of MGD. If Jon Krakauer is looking for a subject for his next book, this is it.
5. Booking agent, Allen Iverson's U.S. rap tour: Sorry, Allen. Disney World cancelled. And the Lifetime network backed out of that "Iverson: Unplugged" special, too. ...
6. Mike Tyson's personal chef: And tonight we'll be serving the children in a mango chutney sauce ...
7. Diamondbacks equipment manager: Clubhouse guys regularly work their rears off during the season, reporting hours before most players and staying hours
later to pick up jockstraps and make sure everyone has what they need. Add to that the challenge of keeping track of all 162 versions of the Diamondbacks day/night/alternate jerseys and caps, and making sure they're washed for the proper game.
8. Sound engineer, Dick Vitale broadcasts: It ain't easy to anticipate all those voice fluctuations when Dickie V. gets excited.
9. Anger management counselor, Bloomington, Ind. Let's go over this again, Bob ... er, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I meant Mr. Knight. Please, just put
down the vase.
10. Attorney for the Joe DiMaggio estate: Because it's a 24-7 job protecting your client's image against those shameful attempts to name a kids' playground after Joe.
Jim Caple of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer is a regular baseball columnist for ESPN.com.
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