Autumn is here, and that means it's time for Hollywood to unveil its new batch of Oscar hopefuls. Page 2's celluloid aficionado Eric Immerman provides you with plot summaries and previews for some of the most highly anticipated new films this fall.

	You'll just have to see "No News From God" to see if Kurt Warner's luck has run out.

"No News From God"
This film noir stars Kurt Warner as a frustrated, financially strapped grocery store stock boy whose repeated queries to his supervisor, God Shammgod, about being promoted to assistant manager have fallen on deaf ears. In a fit of rage, Warner sells his soul to the Devil for the opportunity to manage a Shoppers Food Warehouse. The role of Warner's spouse is played by his real-life wife, Cloris Leachman.

"White Oleander"
From the director of the inspirational film "Rudy" comes this equally poignant saga about Caucasian football coach Arthur Oleander and his improbable pursuit of landing a head-coaching job in the National Football League. A rousing tale of triumph and perseverance, "White Oleander" chronicles Arthur's harrowing journey, as the underdog coach overcomes several obstacles, including his family connections and racial similarities to everyone else. This movie is guaranteed to get the tear ducts flowing, and hopefully, inspire more NFL teams to take a chance on employing white coaches.

"Pokemon 4Ever"

	Pokey Reese becomes a cult hero in Jamaica and his baseball card is banned from elementary schools.

Having vowed never to work again, retired New York City police detective Pokey Reese has relocated to Negril, Jamaica, where he is content spending his days on the beach and his nights at Club Spectrum. However, his peaceful existence is threatened by the emergence of a rogue poultry thief (Wade Boggs) hell-bent on capturing and consuming the island's entire jerk chicken population. Reese is reluctant to get involved, but the impassioned, Rastafarian cries of "Pokey, mon, we need you," are too compelling to ignore.

"The Ring"
This remake of a popular Japanese horror film centers around a female journalist who discovers a disturbing videotape with a bizarre history -- everyone who has seen its contents has died within seven days. The tape: the last remaining copy of the premiere episode of Earvin Johnson's 1998 late-night talk show, "The Magic Hour."

"Apollo 13: The IMAX Experience"
Relive the historical and emotional journey of 13-year-old Apollo Creed Horowitz (the fighter later dropped his last name to gain street cred) as he officially ascends into manhood during his Bar Mitzvah ceremony. If you thought Apollo's Torah portion was riveting on the family's camcorder, then seeing him chant and dance to "Hava Nagila" on the 90-foot-tall screen will leave you schvitzing!

"Friday After Next"

	Jason Williams gains a friend and loses a T-shirt in "Friday After Next."

Lamar Odom and Jason Williams take over the roles previously occupied by Ice Cube and Chris Tucker in this third and final installment of the Friday trilogy about a typical day in the life of two marijuana-smoking youths. While preparing to watch "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory," Odom inadvertently knocks over the bong and spills rancid water onto Williams' favorite "Phishisgruven" T-shirt. To help pay for a new shirt, Odom is forced to take a job at the local Denny's. Will he hold onto the job long enough to pay back his friend, or will he be fired for eating a customer's Moons Over My Hammy during a "munchies" binge? Rounding out the ensemble cast are the New York Mets.

"Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever"
The emotionally gripping story of David Eckstein's courageous battle against Sever's Disease, a painful affliction caused by an inflammation in the area between the sections of bones that make up the heel. In search of a medical miracle, Ecks visits controversial orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Jack Ramsay, who treats the disease by adding ½-inch Quag heel inserts into his shoes, reducing the trauma to the heel while simultaneously providing Ecks with added height, allowing him to fulfill his lifelong dream: riding the Matterhorn at Disneyland.

"Catch Me If You Can"
The voluptuous and villainous Morganna "The Kissing Bandit" has escaped from prison and has reverted to her evil ways, sexually assaulting unsuspecting male athletes at premier sporting events and systematically spreading Herpes Simplex 1. Charged with the massive responsibility of catching the renegade kisser and preventing a nationwide cold sore epidemic, is detective Shaquille O'Neal, who tries to deter Morganna with the menacing threat, "Stop or I'll shoot ... a sequel to Kazaam!"

"The Transporter"
This long-awaited sequel to 1994's "The Mask" stars John Cheney as a cantankerous Philadelphia insomniac who stumbles across an enchanted cucumber eye mask which magically reduces swelling and transports him back to 1978, the last year he slept.

"8 Women"

	Brandi "Hollywood" Chastain finally gets to live up to her nickname in "8 Women."

A searing docudrama depicting the real-life struggles of eight intrepid congresswomen (led by Brandi Chastain and Anna Kournikova) who campaigned feverishly to pass the most seminal piece of athletic legislation in our country's history, the controversial "Coed Naked Sports" bill, which required all U.S. high school and college students to play their sports "Ruff, Tuff and In the Buff!" Without preaching, the film delves deep into the specifics of the bill, which was designed to actively promote gender equality among high school and collegiate athletes, while simultaneously teaching them the importance of provocative double-entendres. Rated "R" for sexually suggestive T-shirts.

(The above movie should not be confused with the independent short film being produced by Miramax, also entitled "8 Women," which documents a 12-minute span in the life of basketball great, Wilt Chamberlain.)

Eric Immerman is a contributing comedy writer to ESPN The Magazine and "The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn." His material also has been featured on Laugh.com. He can be reached at eimmerman@hotmail.com