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In honor of the college bowl season -- longer than the regular season, I think -- here's a helpful cheat sheet for those precious moments that occur at the end of the first half.
Q: Coach, as you head into halftime, it looks like you guys are having some trouble with their running game.
|  | | You can bet Nick Saban will be full of wisdom as he leaves the field. |
A: Well, you know, we're just hoping to get up in there, block and tackle and keep doing the things we do best.
Q: Coach, what do you think you need to do to contain (other team's star back here)?
A: Well, you know, he's a great back. We knew that coming into the game, because we saw it on the films. And you know? Nothing's happened in the first half to change that.
Q: You said before the game that getting some pressure on (other team's star quarterback here) would be a major key. How successful do you think your team has been in that regard?
A: We came in knowing he's a fine, mobile quarterback, and he's made some big plays in the first half. We just have to contain him, stop the big plays and do the things that have made us successful as a football team.
Q: Thanks for your time, coach. Good luck in the second half.
A: Thanks. It's a tough one out there.
This Week's List
Public shame and humiliation -- two more reasons not to diet: Both Bill Singer and Joe Namath followed apparently drunken episodes by blaming the effects of a low-carb diet.
Coming to a "Law and Order" near you: An adaptation of Namath's I-want-to-kiss-you display with Suzy Kolber.
If you're inclined to believe in such things: It appeared someone was looking over every one of Brett Favre's passes last night, especially in the first half.
The headline read, "Tuna: Jim Will Be Fine" and all of us -- including Fassel, the Jim in question -- can breathe easier because of that one.
Judging solely on the fanfare: Rich Eisen and this NFL Network better be awfully good.
And by the way: Other than The Tick, has anything been hyped longer and harder than this Eisen/NFL thing?
Amid all the gnashing and rending concerning the excessive celebrations, a question: Isn't this a version of the same stuff you see on NFL-sponsored fare such as video games and NFL Films shows?
Just for the heck of it: Mike Moroski.
How 'bout a new calling plan for Joe Horn -- wouldn't that be a funny one?: Other than sportswriters writing about what they're thankful for at Thanksgiving, is there anything worse than sportswriters presenting imaginary "gifts" to all the sports figures on their list?
Because, in a time of need, who else would you rather have on your side?: I'm sure it was comforting for Brett Favre to look up into the stands and see the signs that read, "Brett: The Raider Nation Is With You."
Hey, Raiders: Nice effort.
Statistically speaking, the combination of events might go down as the most amazing in sports history: The Saints' last-second, three-lateral touchdown followed by John Carney's missed extra point.
"Fun With Ratings," one in an occasional series: Kansas loses its second game, to Nevada, and drops from No. 7 to No. 11; Gonzaga loses its second game, to highly-ranked and undefeated Stanford, and drops to No. 18.
Come to think of it, why isn't Stanford No. 1 or No. 2?: Gonzaga has lost to No. 10 St. Joseph's and No. 8 Stanford; Kansas has lost to Stanford and unranked-and-5-3 Nevada.
It's the kind of thing that sounds so stupid it's got to be true: New York Knicks, highest payroll in the NBA.
In the interest of keeping baseball in the spotlight for another day or so: Another A-Rod deadline.
Amid all the talk of contracts and unions and Bud Selig, a question: Beyond the money-saving aspects, is there any sane reason why the Rangers would want to replace A-Rod with Manny Ramirez?
And finally, it's always nice to end with a heart-warming tale of holiday spirit and good will: When Darryl Strawberry visits Michael Jackson to impart wisdom and spiritual advice, you know it's one weird world.
Tim Keown is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine.
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