Last week, we asked readers to step into the shoes of "The Sports Guy," and you responded with more than 1,100 e-mails.

Below are the best responses we received that use Bill Simmons' 10 unclaimed quotes from the movie "Rounders" in the spirit of part 1 and part 2 of his NBA awards.

	Even being too careful, Vince Carter couldn't avoid injury.

1. "If you're too careful, you're whole life can become a (expletive) grind."
This one's gotta go to former Knicks coach Jeff Van Gundy. Just looking at the guy says it all. I'm just not sure if it was their anemic offense or the Federal Express season that did it to him.
Hooks
Boston

The Playing it Safe and Trying Not to Work Too Hard Award. This one goes to Vince Carter, whose entire basketball strategy has been simplified to standing at the top of the key, holding the ball, directing traffic and then shooting a jump shot. It's almost like he's trying to avoid injury ... so much for that idea.
Noah Galuten
Santa Monica, Calif.

To the New Jersey Nets ... while other teams spent the break trying to patch leaks, the Nets, in a great position to make the finals, stayed pat. Now, a purely fast-break team in a league where the fast break no longer wins playoff series has no go-to shooter, and no backup whatsoever for the volatile Kenyon Martin. They got cautious, and now the grind of the playoffs will bump them out.
Ryan Vance
Towson, Md.

	Andre Miller does his best to change destiny every night but still ends up surrounded by Cavs.

2. "We can't run from ourselves, our destiny chooses us."
To Cleveland's Andre Miller, who brings it every night despite being in one of the worst "great guy surrounded by stiffs" situations ever.
J.B.
Los Angeles

That about covers Scottie Pippen, who, in hindsight, was wrongly chosen as one of the top 50 NBA players of all-time.

Ever since he was brushed off the coattails of Jordan, he has shown his true colors and talent limitations. In Houston, he was nothing but a pouty star finally realizing Jordan was not there anymore to lift him up. In Portland, he is just one of the overpaid stars who thinks that 11 or so points a game is cause for celebration and superstar status.

I think he will be remembered more for the post-Jordan days and his noncontributions than his coattail-riding days and rings.
John Fisch
Houston

Destiny chose Michael Jordan to unretire. Too bad destiny didn't let him know he was going to fall flat on his stomach.
Nik Pinski
Vancouver, British Columbia

	Dirk Nowitzki could play it blind ... with a bum ankle is another matter.

3. "Put a guy like me in a game like that, and the cards don't even matter. I could play it blind."
That has to be my main man, Dirk "Who said white men can't jump?" Nowitzki. He's a 7-foot 3-point shooter who makes everyone want to make him illegal in the NBA. His stroke is so nice it could almost be Birdlike. Now you know why the Nets are happy to be in the East. Take that, Kobe!
Tim Byrne
Hammond, Ind.

To Phil Jackson ... must be nice to leave Jordan, Pippen, Rodman, etc., for Kobe and Shaq. Could anybody not coach the L.A. Lakers?
Clint D.
Ann Arbor, Mich.

This goes to Allen Iverson and the Sixers. The Eastern Conference is so weak it's like the chumps at the table during this scene. Iverson knows all he has to do is get to the table and everything else will fall into place. He could run through the playoffs "blind" ... er, with a broken finger.
Ben Stempel
Philadelphia

	With his constant thuggery, Kenyon Martin seems to enjoy his reputation.

4. "Man, you're fixin' to go down hard. It almost seems like you want to."
To Donnie Walsh and Isiah Thomas of the Indiana Pacers ... first, Walsh passes on choosing former bench coach and future NBA coach of year Rick Carlisle by choosing the more recognizable name of Isiah Thomas

Second, Thomas leads the talent-laden Pacers to an eighth seed, at best, in the watered-down Eastern Conference.
Tony Monjure
Hanover, Ind.

This one has to go to Jerry Krause and Jerry Reinsdorf ... first, they did that whole dismantling a dynasty thing with Pippen (what's up with him attacking Van Exel? Isn't Scottie almost 40?) and that Jordan guy, then they send All-Star Elton Brand to the Clip joint for chump change.

Then in February, they basically trade their entire starting lineup for a disgruntled Jalen Rose, Travis "I Could Only Start On The Bulls Because They're Far From The" Best, and cap fodder. I shall now light myself on fire.
Kevin Berkey
Shreve, Ohio

Kenyon Martin. I don't believe for a second that he doesn't like all the attention. He loves being the next Rodman. Great ballplayer, scary at times. He loves the rep he is giving himself, even if it may cost the Nets a playoff series.
Jason Hobar
Baltimore

5. "See what I'm saying? No foolin' around, it's highway time."
To Clippers goodwill ambassador Earl Boykins ... should be playing for the Globetrotters, not trying to cover guys a foot taller (Boykins vs. Brent Barry compares to Stockon covering Mutombo). He seems like a great guy -- hopefully, he'll make it as an assistant coach. But if Alvin Gentry doesn't stop playing this guy down the stretch, then he should consider hitting the road too. Defense is a tough business, and right now the Clippers don't need to fool around with this match-up nightmare. Call it tough love, or maybe just common sense.
J.B.
Los Angeles

Hakeem Olajuwon. This is too perfect. His pal Stevie Franchise was cleaning up the "municipal worker" game, suddenly he decides to help himself and jump back into the spotlight, and now ... it's highway time.
Jordan Mazur
Pittsburgh

To Eric Piatkowski ... eight years with the Clips. Think about that. To me, this rivals Cal Ripken's streak and yet he gets no pub. Eric has to get out of LA. Yes, part of me likes the security of knowing that whenever I turn on a Clips game, I'll get to see Piatkowski start, play about six minutes, and then sit on the bench until mid-third. But part of me wants to see him go to a contender and get on one of his patented five three-point bombs in a four-minute stretch in the playoffs. Also, he kind of looks like a robot.
Brad Gnagy
Omaha, Neb.

6. "You look like hell." "Ah, well ... you should have seen me yesterday."
To the Chicago Bulls ... they're having a terrible season in terms of wins/losses and their roster still has loads of dead weight. However, look at the roster from earlier in the season and it was just ungodly!
Nash Birnholz
North Babylon, N.Y.

To Ben Wallace. One of my new favorite players & one of the few who can change hair for every game. Reminds me of the action figures that are sold nowadays. Ben Wallace could have his own line. Big-Afro Ben, Cornrows Ben, Small-fro Ben, etc.
Oklahoma City Slim
Oklahoma City, Okla.

To Jalen Rose, who went from bickering during games with Isaiah Thomas to losing a never-ending string of them with the Chicago Bulls.
Brian Fischer
Chicago

7. "It hurts doesn't it? You can't be-leeeeve what fell. All your hopes down the (expletive) drain. Your fate is sitting right besides you. That ace could not have helped you."
To the New York Knicks and their fans, who have suffered together through just a brutal season in the Big Apple. We've spent a decade hoping against hope that the hard-luck, but talented, Knicks would finally climb that hump, and now even the most diehard fan can see the cards on the table. Watching the Knicks this year has been like trying to bluff your way through a hand with a pair of threes and then watching as the other players call it.

Knicks fans thought the team actually had a chance to make some noise in the god-awful Leastern Conference this year, but now we see that $100 million for Allan Houston and $83 million for Shandon Anderson and Howard Eisley was just one failed bluff. Yeah, we can't "belieeeeve" what fell this year. Thanks, Knicks management!
Joey Ax
Manchester, Conn.

To the Orlando Magic ... more specifically Grant Hill. The Magic were preseason darlings, with T-Mac playing Batman and Grant Hill donning the Robin costume. It was supposed to be Bulls 2K1, a true star player backed up by an almost star. Instead, Hill blows out his ankle for the 10th time, at this point walking like Kevin Spacey for most of "The Usual Suspects." T-Mac, good as he can be, isn't enough, and the Magic go from East Champs and Laker punching bag to first round doormat. The Ace can't save them 'til he can walk.
Mike H.
Albany, N.Y.

8. "How come all your moves are smart and noble, and I'm always a piece of (expletive)?"
The Never-in-the-Right Award for NBA Owners goes to Mark Cuban ... no matter what the guy does, he gets nailed on for it. He could breathe wrong and get fined for it.
David Launbenberg
Dallas

This one goes to Stephon Marbury, who had the misfortune to be traded, straight up, for Jason Kidd. What Marbury did is leave a pitiful franchise to go to a winning one, which he then helped turn into a pitiful one. This, while Kidd has helped turn the hard luck Nets into the best team in the pitiful East. And although Stephon is making a ton of dough, he should now feel, yep, pitiful.
Jake LeBlanc
Edmonds, Va.

To Jim O'Brien from Rick "Prez" Pitino. Pitino never could understand that the game was not about him but about the team on the floor and the banners in the rafter. Same talent, same defense -- new intensity. O'Brien (along with Dick Harter) look like geniuses, while Pitino retreated to another rebuilding project on the farms of Kentucky.
A. Ryall
Detroit

This is what Clippers fans say to Laker fans, every day.
William Lee
Peoria, Ill.

Jerry Krause to Phil Jackson. You can just see Crumbs delivering this line to the Zen Master, who I'm guessing responds with "Om ... you suck". Memo to Jerry Krause -- nobody likes you.
Simon Fugaa
Philadelphia

9. "Hey, at least you're rounding again. You're gonna thank me for that some day."
Michael Jordan may have said something like this to Doug Collins when he first hired him, just like Worm said it to Mike McD. And it seemed like a good idea for a while, until Mike got hurt and Doug was left trying to figure out how Rip Hamilton was going to continue to make Popeye Jones a better player. Or how to keep winning with Christian Laettener on the floor, who looks like he would lose in a hundred-yard dash to Patrick Ewing.
Mark Rumble
Ann Arbor, Mich.

To Nick Van Exel ... it's got to be such a relief to be on a playoff contender again after three-plus years with the Purgatory Nuggets, er, Denver Nuggets
Ben
Arlington, Texas

10. "The guy's a cheat. He always has been."
This one goes to Kobe Bryant. 20+ shots taken in the All-Star Game. It's the freakin' All-Star Game, and its not like the West was losing. He didn't deserve the MVP award. Let anyone else in that game take 20+ shots and let's see if they wouldn't win the MVP award. It's for fun, it's not to hog the ball the whole damn game.
Chris
Shelton, Conn.

To John Stockton ... make no mistake, he has played at a high level for eons. There is a reason he is the career leader in steals and assists. He also deserves his spot in the Hall. However, anyone that has ever watched him play, cannot deny he is the King of Flop. He will bump and push when he sets back screens, only to flop the instant someone looks like they might bump into him. I respect his game other than this and actually hoped he would get a title before retiring. But, at this rate, he still has a decade or two before he retires.
Stan Bowman
Ponca City, Okla.

Although I give it up to Shaq for being the best player in the game right now, I haven't seen someone knock so many people down outside of the NFL.
Oklahoma City Slim
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma