It's still cold outside, you're frazzled, there's increasing evidence of deforestation on your scalp, you're borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, all your shirts have carrot-flavored spit-up epaulettes on the shoulders, and your face and life have taken on an ashen pallor. You, my friend, need a spring training.

	If Manny, A-Rod and Hampton need spring training, shouldn't the rest of us get six weeks to loosen up for our jobs?

Call me a rabble-rouser, or European, but why shouldn't we all get a six-week transition period between vacation and work? Why is spring training reserved just for baseball players? These are millionaires who get three to four months off a year, then get sent to the garden spots of Florida and Arizona to "work out the kinks" for a month and a half, before playing games all summer. If there's any group that doesn't need a spring training, I suggest it's this bunch.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love spring training. If you've ever sat in the stands before a game on a sun-kissed March day, nipping at a cold beer, the smells of suntan lotion and mustard wafting in the gentle breeze, the players down there on that bed of green, loosening up with the languor of house cats stretching out on a warm couch, then you've likely had the occasion to say, "I wonder what the poor people are doing?"

But based on this spring, I'm not sure the ballplayers haven't spent too much time in the sun.

When Red Sox outfielder Manny Ramirez was asked this spring whether he'd been tested for attention-deficit disorder because of his base-running errors, he replied, "If they did, I don't remember it."

In retrospect, maybe Jeff Kent should have used that defense. Instead, he creatively detailed how he broke his wrist when he slipped and fell while washing his truck.

Top 5 better excuses how Jeff Kent broke his wrist:

1. "Slipped and fell while washing my hands."

2. "Playing a spirited game of rochambeau with my friend Barry Bonds."

3. "I don't like milk -- my bones are brittle."

4. "I never had sexual relations with that woman."

5. " 'Washing my truck' is a common euphemism for popping wheelies while speeding around town recklessly on a motorcycle."

There was the Ruben Rivera affair, a "caught stealing," if you're scoring at home.

	Spring training will provide John Rocker with some time to work on his acting.

Or John Rocker signing up to play a homicidal maniac who murders teenagers with golf course tools in the movie "The Groundskeeper." Classic method acting. "Johnny, you're strap-hanging on the 7 train and a Hispanic transvestite with AIDS sneezes on you ... aaaaand Action!"

Derek Bell, he of the .173 batting average last season, promising to embark on "Operation Shutdown" unless he's handed the Pirates starting right field job. Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, Derek ...

So, there are those who might not deserve spring training, but for you and me, the common man, its time we stop shoehorning all of our annual pleasure into two fitful weeks. Imagine how much happier we'd all be at our jobs if everyone got a spring training.

President Bush could declare war on Nebraska and say "old people suck," then laugh it off during his press briefing, explaining that he's working on some "new pitches", and Helen Thomas would nod knowingly, then ask him about his goals for the season.

Morticians could learn how to tan.

	Derek Bell doesn't think he should be forced to compete for his job in spring training.

Imagine strippers at spring training. "Exhibition game" takes on a whole new meaning. Dancers performing in front of dozing septuagenarians, while near the end of their acts, the other strippers get in their running on the stage behind them.

Hostage stand-offs with the police would be a breeze. After the required three hours, the sergeant would bark into the bullhorn, "Hey, we've been here long enough, let's call it a tie. I've got reservations at Don and Charlie's."

When harried sales reps get called to carpet for losing a key account, they could say, "I lost it in the sun."

Put an air traffic controller through spring training and he comes out the other end a ski-lift operator.

The worker has made great strides. Didn't we get rid of the feudal system of serfs and vassals, and then that pesky six-day workweek? This is the natural next step in the evolution of "the job." How can we be expected to perform at an optimal level if we don't have the proper time to limber up? Sick days will plummet, employees will wear smily face buttons again.

So go ahead, pitch your boss on the idea of a spring training. And while you're at it, see if you can get us some per diem.

David Lloyd is an anchorman for ESPNEWS.