In this day and age, baseball has no tolerance for fans who think it's cool to crash the field and tackle the ump. Or who are so fed-up with their cell phones that they'd rather chuck their Nokia at, say, Carl Everett than hear that annoying no-service beep.

In today's game, baseball's security forces would have to call out the National Guard even to stop Morganna the Kissing Bandit.

But how can Major League Baseball keep the crazies where they really want them? (Which, of course, is in the beer line.) Through the marvels of modern technology, we've come up with some suggestions.

Click on the icons below to see Page 2's "innovations":

Randall Polliard is a sports cartoonist for the Seattle Times.