|You're never too old ...|
By Dan Shanoff
Page 2 columnist
If 55-year-old George Foreman wants to make a boxing comeback, it's his mind to lose. Foreman, who made a fortune boxing in two separate generations (career record: 76-5, 68 KOs) and made himself a household name with a phenomenally popular grilling accessory, can afford to be a little eccentric.
Gorgeous George says he won't fight Lennox Lewis or Mike Tyson, so maybe he isn't completely insane. We'd like to think, in the pay-per-view event of the century, he'd choose to fight Tonya Harding. (What, you're concerned that a spectacle like that would turn him into a joke? Too late.)
But Foreman's story put an idea in Page 2's mind: Who would we most like to see in a triumphant comeback?
Consider: Would confound opposing coaches, who would have to spend entire games in "I'm not worthy" bow.
But yet: Coaches aren't allowed to play "don't ask, don't tell" booster-boosted recruiting game anymore.
Consider: Wimpy state of league means Sir Charles could average at least 10 rebounds per game.
But yet: Would have to leave him permanently on one half of the court, because he couldn't drag himself up and down.
Consider: Jake Plummer?! Jake Plummer?! Plus, that Arena Football League ownership thing isn't working out too well. (Big John's Colorado Crush went 2-14 in inaugural season.)
But yet: He knew when to get out. Can't win in short term.
Consider: Missed the '90s; faster to first than Mo Vaughn; would significantly help White Sox attendance problems; great timing with All-Star Game at Comiskey.
But yet: Would alienate sensibilities of baseball "purists."
Consider: From his armchair, probably better than half the current NFL backups; mink coats back in style.
But yet: He'd have to lose the cheesy infomercial gigs.
Consider: DH means he can save himself for the at-bats; finding a park with a laughably short porch; AL pitching really stinks these days.
But yet: Probably hasn't been keeping up with the "supplements" craze (would need to start now).
Consider: Development of relief specialization means he might only have to pitch to one batter per game. Do-able!
But yet: He'd have to play ball with the media, which might be a deal-breaker.
Consider: The return of the "counter-trey"; the "new Hogs"; John Riggins' unretirement as a bonus.
But yet: Actually even better at being a racing owner than a Hall of Fame-quality NFL coach.
Consider: Seems to know exactly what to do in every situation.
But yet: Can he stand up to his own exacting "Throw it down!" standard?
Consider: Finding and deploying a Vick-type scrambler is the hot trend among NFL offensive coordinators, and you know Tark still has the wheels.
But yet: He ain't winning any Super Bowls with Randy Moss.
Consider: Rangers desperate for star wattage; hot wife watch.
But yet: He's still got his good looks; no guarantee if he comes back.
Consider: Holds off Karl Malone's mission to break his all-time scoring record; "sky hook" still the most indefensible shot in hoops.
But yet: May inspire unintended comebacks from physically similar Ralph Sampson, Manute Bol and Chuck Nevitt.
10 OTHERS ON THE "UNRETIRE WATCH":
Bruce Jenner: I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here got his competitive juices flowing again.
Robin Roberts: Could definitely be a WNBA All-Star, plus cross-promote league on Good Morning, America.
Bobby Hull: Already in the works? Not so
'86 Mets: Could take current Mets best of
Ara Parsegian: A year late to turn around Notre Dame, but Northwestern could sure use him.
Mark McGwire: Buddy Sosa could use a pal right now.
Hakeem Olajuwon and Clyde Drexler: Phi Slamma Lakers?
Anna Kournikova: Forgot for a sec and thought
you meant who should retire ...
Mario Lemieux: Whoops, too early ...
Dan Shanoff is a columnist for Page 2. His "Daily Quickie" commentary appears every weekday morning.