By Hunter S. Thompson
Page 2 columnist
Hot Damn! The Honolulu Marathon is coming around again, and that is always a freak-out of some kind that usually involves speed, danger and thousands of naked people looking for action. Honolulu is not the world capital of aerobic sexuality for nothing. These people are serious health freaks.
It is 3:16 in the morning now, and my plane for Honolulu departs at 8:45 a.m. Or at least that is what my virtual First Class tickets tell me: Come Fly With Us…
Flying to the Honolulu Marathon has always been a vaguely morbid experience, even for professional sportswriters who get paid for it. The trip itself is seven hours across open water, in a cramped tin airplane with 300 frightened strangers who stare down helplessly at the white-caps of the endless deep-blue Pacific Ocean.
December is an ugly month for getting involved in public travel. It is a desperate season for most people, but not for me this year, because I am turning into a Body Nazi, and I feel pretty good about it. Ho ho ho. Yes sir. Nothing can hurt me for at least 30 days, and by then I will be twice as strong and crazy as I am now.
It happens every year, one way or another, and every year it gets weirder. And wilder and darker and more intense.
Which is pretty damn crazy, on some days, but that is only gossip. "Crazy" is a term of art: "Insane" is a term of Law. Remember that, and you will save yourself a lot of trouble.
The Marquis De Sade was born crazy and he did monumentally crazy things every day of his utterly degenerate life… But he was only insane when he got locked up in jail.
I am entered in the Marathon again this year, and Sean Penn is not. He was replaced at the last moment by the younger and speedier Josh Hartnett, who is my new racing partner and Anita's secret favorite all along.
Penn was mildly upset with the decision, but said he would go to Hawaii anyway, for reasons of his own.
That is fine with me. Now that I have my new spinal implant, things have changed. I have become so addicted to my physical therapy regime that I am turning into a full-bore Body Nazi. My new book titled Dr. Thompson's Guide to Physical Fitness will be published in the Spring.
But more on that and the Saint Louis and Cleveland game later. (Where I won heavily with the Rams). Right now I am leaving for the airport, which has suddenly disappeared in a blizzard.
To Be Continued…
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson was born and raised in Louisville, Ky. His books include "Hell's Angels," "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," "Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail '72," "The Great Shark Hunt," "The Curse of Lono," "Generation of Swine," "Songs of the Doomed," "Screwjack," "Better Than Sex," "The Proud Highway," "The Rum Diary," and "Fear and Loathing in America." His latest book, "Kingdom of Fear," has just been released. A regular contributor to various national and international publications, Thompson now lives in a fortified compound near Aspen, Colo. His column, "Hey, Rube," appears regularly on Page 2.