Now Charles Woodson, him I might give up a No. 1, a No. 2, and $4 mil for. But two No. 1s, two No. 2s and $8 mil? For Chucky? What-da ... get-da ... you've gotta be kidding me ...

	Malcolm Glazer got his man, Jon Gruden, and saved some face ... for now.

Jon Gruden's a good NFL coach. Give him enough great players, he might not screw it up too badly. But take away his first- or his second-round draft picks for four years, and insinuate that he has to win now, and you might get what all coaches hate: Big Numbers Last.

You know, like 6-10. 7-9. It can get worse. Let's hope not.

See, a lot of NFL coaches are good in the way Chucky is good. Chucky is competent, even prototypical, with his sideline obscenities, pregame pepper-uppers that include inspirational pleasantries such as, "We will suck the will out of them," and of course, blond hair. Blond hair is very diverting. But at the end of the day, he's half-proven. Professional? Yes. But special? Yet to be seen. The Bucs just fired one of those in Tony Dungy. The Colts and the frugal Irsays, giggling like Mercedes McCambridge in "The Exorcist," cawing like starving vultures over fresh carrion, picked up Dungy for nothing but salary.

If Tampa Bay's Glazers had gotten Chucky for nothing but salary, then it's kind of a sweetheart deal, like the state of Florida is pretending it is right now. But two No. 1s, two No. 2s and $8 mil? I wouldn't give that for points on Russ Crowe.

Al Davis has been waiting for 20 years to get this kind poker hand, a big pot and fresh dead meat on the other side of the table. This kind of sting doesn't present itself to a man every day. Not that Al Davis doesn't like the Glazers. But that's got nothing to do with it.

This ... is the N ... F ... L.

Somebody's gotta win, and somebody's gotta get reamed out.

Yo, Bucs. You're elected, reaming end. You elected yourselves.

Oh, sure the local spinmeisters will have it that the Bucs landed on their feet, bounced back, and are looking good by hiring Chucky, after becoming the Tampa Bay Fiascos by not having done a deal already with Parcells by the time they did Dungy, and, in the meantime, letting Spurrier wander to D.C. ... despite their bleatings about wanting more offense. If they wanted offense so badly, Spurrier was the guy to deal with. They ended up interviewing defensive guru Marvin Lewis. They appeared from the outside to be babbling fools.

Considering this ripped, gaping hole in their PR fuselage, the Bucs hit the landing with Chucky. They saved rep. An NFL team lives by its rep. Entire urban city-state populations identify with their NFL team's banner. That is, indeed, part of the seduction of the league. It has brand ID that rivals the Holy Church itself. If the local NFL team becomes bumbling stooges, why, then can the local citizenry be far behind? No. That is the inference, and why the locals are now making like the Glazers have all of a sudden become a shrewd football posse.

Oh. Really.

Great PR. Run with it. I would. So what if there's no payoff?

Seats sold. Boxes full. Mortgage paid, baby. Be happy for them.

And Chucky's Revenge on the field?

Hmmm. Put it this way: When was the last time Al Davis came out in the daylight for a press conference? If Al felt like he had gotten rooked, you wouldn't have seen him for seven more years.

***** ***** *****

I've met Al Davis. He lives for this kind of stuff. What else can I tell you? He can also carry a grudge. Anytime he has a chance, like now, to use the phrase "the greatness of the Raiders," he'll do it. He's a shrewd cat, and apparently more immortal than Dick Clark. A former assistant coach, who became a head coach, who became an outlaw-league executive, who became the Managing General Partner with operating control of an NFL team without ponying up anything but brainpower and his lawyer's billable. Al is impressive, in that way. This is a man who became the bitter rival of Pete Rozelle, when they were actually each other's Alter Ego. Rozelle's PR genius made the franchises quintuple in value in some single years. The NFL grew like an alien virus in a secret government hothouse in the worst kind of science fiction movie.

	Equally half-proven Tony Dungy went to the Colts for a bargain price.

Al doesn't always like you being frank with him, though. I found that out after I was frank with him, once. Once, he respected me. But not after I told him the truth about Marc Wilson. He had outbid noted football guru Donny Trump for what amounted to a glorified backup. Later, I said I was coming to do an obit on the Raiders' third season in L.A., and one of my competitors had told Renfield LoCasale that I'd said I was coming to do an obit on the Raiders. It was not a lie, but a half-lie, a lie in the pike position, and I admired my competitor's tactics, since he and I knew that he could never outwrite me ... well, maybe it's a yarn that should be unspooled at another time ... maybe we should stay on point. Suffice it to say, I know Al Supreme Commander's tendencies ... and if he wants me to coach that arsenal he's about to assemble, I am ... available ...

***** ***** *****

You mean to try to tell me Mooch turned down having his salary tripled and being coach & GM, just so he could go play Michael Landon as Charles "Pa" Ingalls in "Little House"? I don't think so. Moocher was red' to go, as we say, but them Glazer Hams wanted Gruden ever since -- well, ever since nothing else had worked out for them since Christmas. They had wanted Parcells, they wanted Spurrier. Meanwhile, they dated Marvin Lewis, Ralph Friedgen. Al stuck to his grim, translucent hand. He'd become lukewarm to the comedy coaching stylings of Chucky, but then Al is loathe to eat coaching contract remainders, unlike Snyder or Jones. Chucky runs multiple sets, a lot of motion and looks good on the website.

Chucky was early on Donnie McNabb, raving wildly about him at the Senior Bowl, a few years back. That, as much as anything he ever set in motion afield, made me sit up and recognize Chucky. But, at the end of the day, after all the formations and motion, he dived an ordinary back named Crockett into the middle of the line on third-and-1 in a playoff win sitchie, where a first down gets him a shot at playing for a trip to the Bowl. Gannon on the edge, boot-option, Rice clearing, Tim Brown dragging across, and you can live with the outcome either way. Al knows that, and it's been sticking in his craw ever since.

The Supreme Commander, he be having a sensitive craw.

***** ***** *****

Al Davis held 'em until the last second. Remember, he didn't call the Glazers at the 11th hour -- they called him. Now that the hand's played, they'll say Al "came down off his demands." Came down, and he got two No. 1s, two No.2s and $8 mil? And the Bucs are relieved? They "got their man?" Poor Al Davis, on the other hand, got four starters for 10 years, and $8 mil to wash it down with.

	Just the sight of Al Davis in daylight proves how good a deal he got.

You mean to say the Glazers feel good to give up four draft picks in the first and second round and $8 mil, cash? Al not only got four starters, he got the cheese to pay his next coach with!

There Al was, sitting up at a press conference, looking like a combination of Nicolas Cage doing an Elvis impersonation and Gary Oldman in "Dracula," acting like he had done the Glazers and Tampa and Chucky such a big favor. In most states I know, what Al did to the Glazers would be considered a felony. If he'd used a firearm, it'd be a mandatory 10. But in Florida -- this is the beauty of any long con -- they don't even know they're missing anything yet! They think they're the ones that got over!

One thing you can always depend on is the other guy's greed.

A beautiful long con is a joy forever -- or at least the next decade. Nobody has gotten ripped to shreds like this since feeble-minded Vikings "GM" Grandmaster Mike Lynn sent the 1990s to Jerry Jones, Jimmy Johnson and the Cowboys for ... what? Herschel Walker?

Nice enough guy, Herschel. Good pro back. No magic as a runner, not according to one Greg Pruitt, former superior cutback runner.

Cool dude, Chucky. Good pro coach. Magic as a coach? Well, if you think he looked like he had a migraine on the sidelines in Oakland sometimes, wait until you catch him at Raymond James. He'll have a lot of fun times, trying to squeeze some juice out of the Bucs' O. Only speed players in Tampa, Jacquez Green and Warrick Dunn, are free agents, and expressed a desire to go elsewhere while the Bucs were sifting through offers to fill the head job.

		There Al was, sitting up at a press conference, looking like a combination of Nicolas Cage doing an Elvis impersonation and Gary Oldman in "Dracula," acting like he had done the Glazers and Tampa and Chucky such a big favor. In most states I know, what Al did to the Glazers would be considered a felony. If he'd used a firearm, it'd be a mandatory 10.

Think positive: Maybe the Glazers are catching Chucky on the rise, as he reaches his top end. He was a Packers coach under Holmgren, himself a devotee of Obi-Walsh Kenobe. Chucky O-coordinated up in Philly with Ray Rhodes. And they didn't turn it over, at least.

Al jumped on him then. Chucky made the AFC Championship Game in 2001 and the conference semis this year. He beat on the Chiefs like a drum, which always gets you props in Oak-town, and he won two AFC West titles. He's the deal, in this way: Somebody out there played hard and pretty well for him.

But here's the one thing: Chucky don't play. In any sense. It's who Chucky sends out there on the field that matters. That in mind, if he looked like Chucky the Wicked Doll on the sidelines in Oakland, who will he resemble in Tampa? Chucky's Revenge? It's a big and immobile QB who tossed four picks in his last playoff game? It's a a sliced-up, ancient O-line? A talkative defensive superstar lineman who is a great interview and, as such, apparently much resented by many of his opponents, who can be blocked, and who, as far as we can tell, has put his best football games behind him? It's one big good possession receiver and no flank speed? Finally, it's having no way to upgrade any of these positions except via free agency?

This ... is Chucky's Revenge?

For two No. 1s, two No. 2s, and $8 mil?

Al ... you're ba-ack. You Know Me, Al. It's your boy. Renfield.

Ralph Wiley spent nine years at Sports Illustrated and wrote 28 cover stories on celebrity athletes. He is the author of several books, including "Best Seat in the House," with Spike Lee, "Born to Play: The Eric Davis Story," and "Serenity, A Boxing Memoir."