If baseball is as broke as commissioner Bud Selig says it is, then it's time the sport borrowed some ideas to get back on track and generate more revenue. Page 2 suggests MLB take a cue from ESPN, which produced and aired its first movie, "A Season on the Brink" about Bobby Knight, last month. Then, since MLB is already in a borrowing mode, it should impersonate an unimaginative Hollywood exec who steals an idea from a foreign film.

So, with apologies to the producers of the clever dark comedy "Death to Smoochy," we volunteer the following plot outline and casting suggestions for "Death to Youppi!," the amazingly close-to-true story about the demise of the Montreal Expos.

Milwaukee, 1994: A scandal over his improper loans from Minnesota Twins owner Carl Pohlad causes the sudden breakdown by Bernie Brewer (played menacingly by Bud Selig), the once-beloved -- but now chemically dependent after repeated slides into hoppy broth -- Brewers mascot.

Down on his luck, Brewer directs his anger at the successor to his throne as king of the baseball mascots, Youppi! (played by himself, natch, unless Jim Carrey is willing to work for points). Jealous of Youppi!'s Expos owning the best record in baseball -- despite playing in an equally small market, they have managed to develop an exciting team through sharp scouting and a deep minor-league system, while eschewing ruinously expensive free agency -- Brewer forces the strike that will end the 1994 season.

As the pure-hearted Youppi! and the Expos persevere, Brewer obsessively tries to destroy the lovable underdogs by helping Merv Nomad (played by the cunning Jeffrey Loria) buy the Expos. The clueless Nomad speeds the Canadian darlings' demise by blaming politicians and others in the city, failing to market the team intelligently (in fact, at all), and declining TV and radio broadcasting contracts.

But Brewer's attempts to frame Youppi! backfire, as the sweet but scruffy orange mascot helps uncover a conspiracy to gouge the public with higher taxes for publicly funded stadiums, not to mention overpriced tickets and merchandise -- all in the name of an enterprise that's protected by anti-trust laws.

Brewer's mental state deteriorates even faster as he fails at attempts to destroy Youppi! by cutting the brakes to his ATV and weakening the dugout roof.

Then, with the help of Nomad , Brewer unleashes his most sinister plan yet -- eliminating the Expos altogether with unanimous support of MLB's owners (all played by Danny DeVito through the magic of technology). Nomad gets a handsome buyout from the league, then turns around and buys the Florida Marlins, those infamous poster kids for irresponsible overspending in pursuit of a World Series championship.

Now Youppi! and his pals are in the toughest fight of their lives. The Skipper (laconically but subtly portrayed by one-time superstar Frank Robinson in a touching cameo) "befriends" Youppi! after taking on the Expos managing job. However, Youppi! -- no fool despite his appearance! -- knows the Skipper is on the payroll of Major League Baseball, the very organization that's trying to destroy the beleaugered mascot and his beloved Expos.

Who can he trust?

Can wholesome Youppi! conquer the evil inherent in the game as the 2002 season begins? You'll have to see the movie -- or wait until October -- to learn how the story unfolds.

Jim Wilkie is an editor for Page 2 and a longtime Expos fan.