Gordon

The next event on the Winston Cup schedule is Sunday's race at Loudon, N.H., but we all know racing will be the last thing on anyone's mind.

America marks the first anniversary this week of the worst act of hate and terror ever against this great country. For the remainder of our lives, each one of us will remember where we were and what we were doing that Tuesday morning the world seemed to stop. If you're like me, you couldn't really believe or comprehend what you were seeing. It seemed impossible. How could anyone do something so hateful to a country that is founded on basic freedoms for all people? As most of you probably did, I dropped everything I was doing that day and just sat in front of the television for countless hours, waiting for the next tidbit of information to try to make sense of all of it.

It became very clear that all NASCAR activities scheduled for that weekend were suddenly unimportant and superficial. I was very glad to learn that NASCAR postponed the weekend's race at Loudon until November. How could we even think of driving race cars in circles for 300 miles after what the country was going through? I applaud NASCAR's decision.

But despite the grief and mourning, the show eventually had to go on the following weekend at Dover and has been ever since. Last weekend's stop was Richmond. The first 100 laps of the race were nothing but a demolition derby -- we had six caution periods. The track was extremely slick and we could hardly drive without getting sideways. We played it safe and kept the Cingular Wireless Chevrolet, painted in the special Pepe Le Pew paint scheme, out of all that mess and got as high as sixth. Team Cingular made a green-flag pit stop on lap 182 with about half the field. The remainder of the cars had pitted about 60 laps earlier under caution, so we were temporarily one lap down. But the caution flag came out on lap 207, allowing the leaders to pit without losing a lap and putting us down one lap.

I thought I made up that lap on the next caution flag because I thought I passed the leader. So, we pitted with the leaders on the next lap. But NASCAR ruled that we didn't make it up and took away the lap, plus they made me start from the end of the longest line. We were 30th and had a lot of ground to make up but we had a really good car and thought we could get the job done.

The Cingular guys continued to give me great pit stops and we were back in the 23rd spot by lap 274. Then Richard Childress noticed smoke coming out of our tailpipes on lap 320, although all the gauges and everything looked fine. He told me he thought we broke a valve spring in the motor and to "baby" the car home. But our speed didn't really drop off at all until the final laps of the race.

Kevin Hamlin used great pit strategy and pitted me about lap 340 or so but a lot of the leaders waited to pit for fuel until the final 25 laps of the race. Since they pitted under green, we were going to make up a bunch of positions and finish around 12th. But although we weren't dropping any fluid on the track, NASCAR black-flagged us with about six laps to go and made us pit to look under the hood of the Cingular car. We did what they asked but found no problems and went back onto the track. I wasn't too happy with that call because I don't understand why we had to pit when we weren't leaking any fluids out of the car. We were going to have a very good finish for all we went through that night but we ended up 28th, our lowest finish since Daytona in July.

I'm not sure what we're doing wrong to have everything go against us each week but it's just very disappointing. We have strong cars each week and have been qualifying very well. Circumstances out of our control just seem to keep getting us.

Now we're looking ahead to New Hampshire International Speedway with very heavy hearts this week as we reflect on perhaps the darkest day in this country's history. We all get so caught up in the day-to-day activities of racing but it's times like these that make us realize just how unimportant what we do for a living really is.

Winning at Loudon last Thanksgiving was one of the most memorable moments of my career. I just hated we were there that weekend because America had been attacked and thousands of our people killed. The only reason we raced that weekend was because of the tragedy that took place Sept. 11. That's why Richard Childress and I donated all our purse money to the Uniformed Firefighters Association's Widow's and Children's Fund. We wanted to let them know that everyone at RCR was thinking about them despite our bittersweet happiness for winning the race.

We made that check presentation at the Waldorf in New York the week of the NASCAR Winston Cup banquet last December. After Richard and I presented the check that morning, I went down to a firehouse in New York. That was an experience I will always remember but never wanted to have to see. We went to the firehouse and had lunch with a lot of the firefighters. They were very cool, down-to-earth people, especially with the tragedy they had just endured and were still going through with the loss of all their fellow firefighters.

I really enjoyed that part of the trip -- getting close to those guys and having lunch with them. After that, everything became much darker and gloomy when we went to Ground Zero with the folks from Winston and a couple of firefighters. It was an experience I will never forget. I was able to go all the way into Ground Zero and was able to look directly into the pit. Ground Zero was worse than anyone on television had ever been able to convey. It was the most horrible and overwhelming scene I'd ever witnessed. But I was also amazed at how much they'd already cleaned it up in December. The amount of work they'd done was amazing -- all because a great group of people worked around the clock to do what they had to do. I was absolutely overwhelmed at the destruction that New York had. It still smelled terribly of smoke and there was a lot of ash and debris. Things got a little more upbeat when I went out and hung out with some of the firefighters that night -- we had dinner and went to a pub. It was a nice, relaxing time and hopefully it took their minds off what they were working through just a bit.

In light of what this week means to Americans and freedom-loving people across the world, I feel bad even taking the time to tell you about winning the race at Loudon last November. But I'll try to take a minute and tell you what that day felt like for me.

We had the strongest car at Loudon all day last November. We started 31st because of owner points and worked our way all the way up. We were one of the top-five cars off the truck in the morning practice and we were in the position to run with Jeff Gordon the last 50 laps of the race. We beat him out of the pits on that pit stop, but got held up by Kyle Petty a bit and Gordon got back by us. My car really rolled through the middle very well and was a very good car. I was able to get back in the gas very early off the corners, which is so important. We learned a lot there and kept working on the car during the whole race and pushed all day long to position ourselves to win the race. Getting into Gordon wasn't supposed to be part of the deal. He checked up for Mike Wallace's car in front of him on the high groove when he started spinning down the track. Gordon checked up and I didn't get checked up quick enough and got into the back of him a tiny bit. It wasn't like I wrecked him -- I just moved him out of the way a bit. He took himself out of the race when he came back to retaliate and hit me.

Everyone kept talking about the tire controversy when we won the race last year. There was no controversy -- it was strictly a budget issue for RCR. There were no secrets about what we had. We took the old Martinsville tires but they were the same tire and same code numbers as Goodyear brought that weekend. NASCAR allowed the teams to bring the Martinsville tires in order to save money. They've allowed us to use tires from past races because they group certain tracks together with the tires and you can run those tires in the next race if you fall out early and don't need them or you buy too many.

There was a lot of talk back in July about the conditions of the track in Loudon, but I don't think there is anything terribly wrong with it. There were some issues with the sealer coming up, but I didn't think it was the end of the world. We learned how to adapt to the conditions and race on them that day and we still understand what we have to do. The conditions are the same for all 43 drivers. Heck, I'd run on dirt at Loudon if they put it down. We've all got the same stuff to work with there and I'm comfortable going back.

I was a little disappointed that we weren't able to use the same set-up in July that we raced with last November. Kevin Hamlin took a set-up close to that to Loudon in July but it didn't work. We had to keep adjusting on the Cingular car and making changes. The tires were different in July than last November. The track was different because of the issue with the sealer coming up -- there were so many variables. But the good thing about it is that we'll be able to use what we learned in July this weekend at New Hampshire.

I've had three different crew chiefs from RCR in the last three races at New Hampshire. I had Royce McGee in July 2001, Gil Martin last November and Kevin Hamlin in July. All those guys are RCR employees and they share information back and forth very closely. What we learned with Royce in July 2001 really helped out Gil when we came back last year because we had a really good set-up in July, but just had a bad call in the pits. We ran with the top-five cars all day long. We went back in November and were able to capitalize on what we learned and win the race.

Then, we went back two months ago with a new track with a new sealer, a different car, tire and crew chief yet again. We still finished in the top-10 two months ago. To have all those changes and still come out of there with a strong finish just goes to show how strong an organization RCR is.

Every strong group is able to pull itself up out of adversity and be even stronger as a result. The people of the United States have shown tremendous compassion and stamina through the past year and have been able to support and comfort each other. But at the same time, they have demonstrated a remarkable determination to come out of this tragedy better for it and to seek justice for the perpetrators. We know how fortunate we are to live with the freedoms we possess as Americans and we refuse to let anyone take them away. Please take a little time this week to reflect on just how lucky you are to live in the United States. God Bless America.

Robby Gordon drives the No. 31 Cingular Wireless Chevrolet for Richard Childress Racing. He is providing a diary to ESPN.com throughout the Winston Cup season.