Welcome to the Sparks-Storm playoff series, a tussle that might make Switzerland take sides. This is rich.

	Seattle and Michelle Marciniak, right, seem to have a heated rivalry with Los Angeles.

You will root vociferously for the Sparks, hoping they eventually repeat. You will say, "Everyone else is just jealous. They're all pitiable, really.''

Or you will try to find just the right match of green T-shirt, red shorts and yellow socks to make you an eyesore, er, to make you Storm color-compatible. And you will scream at your television, "Are you blind, ref? Foul on Leslie! What does she have to do? Get out a crowbar and a garrote before you call anything?''

Los Angeles' Lisa Leslie would tell you she gets the stuff knocked out of her by any number of talent-overmatched defenders on a regular basis, so she gives what she gets. Others would have a very different view, of course.

Leslie has always polarized people, even going back to her 105-point-scorin' Morningside High days. But she has never seemed to be bothered by the swirling opinions around her. Her fans love that; her detractors see it as one more sign of Leslie's mammoth conceit.

Then there's ...

Storm center Lauren Jackson, who you'll remember yanked out Leslie's hairpiece during the 2000 Olympics. Again, causing polarity in viewpoints.

"Hey, it was an accident. But Leslie deserved it! Gee, let me call Wilhemina Models, Inc. and get her some new hair.''

Or ...

"Yeah, Ms. Wonder from Down Under, maybe you do that sub-junior high school stuff playing for the Opals in your goofy skin-tight unis, and by the way, if you ever want to know what the GOLD medal looks like, Leslie's got TWO of them she might show you.''

But wait! There's more for you to take screaming-at-your-neighbor sides about!

Who was the real culprit in the Latasha Byears-Michelle Marciniak incident in July? The Storm's Marciniak fouled the Sparks' Byears on a breakaway. Byears then bounced the ball off Marciniak's face. Marciniak came back with her "You want a piece of me?'' pose. Byears shoved her. The players were tossed, and later picked up fines and suspensions.

OK, somebody out there reading this is upset, saying it was the fault of both players and that we should be gravely clucking over such serious lapses in behavior that might make children think such things are acceptable.

Cluck, cluck, cluck ...

Anyway, maybe you are really nuts about Seattle point guard Sue Bird. You say, "You know LBJ's wife, Lady Bird? I'm naming my first child 'Sue Bird.' Hmmm, I guess I better hope it's a girl, huh?''

Or maybe you think, "Oh, for pete's sake, can I please NOT have more UConn shoved down my throat and into my intestines this year? And by the way, 'Lady Bird' was kind of just a nickname. Her real name was Claudia Alta. So shut up!''

See how grumpy you might get? Isn't this great?

No, no, this just isn't right. Cut, cut, cut. This column isn't working! WNBA fans aren't trash-talkin' fools! Sorry, I don't want to stir up trouble or cause international incidents with our wonderful friends in Kangaroo and Koala Land ...

"That's it!'' someone just shrieked. "How would like it if Aussies would start referring to the United States as Smog, Crime and Plastic Surgery Land?''

You mean they don't?

"No, and quit painting it like the Storm and Sparks are really at each other's throats, and then making light of it.''

OK, OK. The Storm and the Sparks are two hard-nosed teams, ready to give us a great Western Conference first-round series. And even if the sides might have a relationship akin to Bette Davis and Joan Crawford on the set of "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" ....'

"You're doin' it again!!!''

Mechelle Voepel of the Kansas City Star is a regular contributor to ESPN.com. She can be reached at mvoepel@kcstar.com.