Maurice (Mo) Profitz leaned back into his ergonomically-designed chaise lounge and gazed at the Pacific Ocean from his coastal Malibu home. It was noon and his 19-year-old girlfriend was not awake yet, but Profitz -- the 59-year-old head of Boffo Stocks Studios -- couldn't sleep.

	Kurt Warner's success story reads like a Hollywood script.

All he could think about was Kurt Warner.

"Ginny, get me Les on the phone," he barked into a cell phone the size of a credit card.

Within seconds, Mo Profitz was talking to Les Ethiks, his right-hand man at B.S. Studios.

"Les, can you believe this story?" Profitz said, holding an L.A. Times sports page in his right hand. It detailed Warner's Super Bowl MVP performance from the previous day, a stunning capper to a Cinderella story so unreal it made Cinderella look like Courtney Love.

"I hear where you're going with this," Ethiks said, leaning back into his own ergonomically-designed desk chair while adjusting eyewear the size of Chiclets and shooing a 20-year-old blonde off his lap.

"I mean, this guy is magic," Profitz said. "Grocery stockboy marries single mother. Never gives up on his dream. Fights his way to NFL. Wins Super Bowl, kisses wife."

"I see an opening weekend of at least $15 million," Ethiks said. "It'll blow away M:I-2. We can make him black for the story, maybe get Will Smith."

"And we'll need plenty of nudity," Profitz said. "Does Jenny Lopez do nude scenes? She can be the wife."

"Mo, did you see that game?" Ethics said, marveling at the Los Angeles Rams as Super Bowl champions. "I mean, it was like "Heaven Can Wait" all over again. Hey, you think Jack Warden can do Vermeil? Or is Warden even alive? Ah, hell, we can get Burgess Meredith, maybe. Or is he dead?"

"I even thought about going to the game," Profitz said, noting his girlfriend -- he had forgotten her name -- was stirring and moving out on to the deck. "But I figured I'd watch it on TV. I heard they had almost 25,000 fans at the Coliseum for that thing. One of my producers went and said it was great. He left in the third quarter. Had to meet Jack at Sky Bar to talk about a re-make of 'Cuckoo's Nest,' this time with Hillary Clinton as Nurse Ratchett. Big possibilities."

"Think Nicholson will do Vermeil?" Ethics said, brightening. "And to follow up on your thought, boss man, I DID go to the game, unlike some fair-weather sports fans I know who double as movie executives."

"Hey, I'd have gone, but Mindee wanted to do a few 'readings' for me out at the house," Profitz said.

CONFIDENTIAL PLANS

The NFL may have taken over as America's No. 1 sport, but in the No. 2 media market, the league remains absent. This week, ESPN.com investigates the mystery of how the league lived and died in Los Angeles. Monday: How L.A. lost the NFL. Tuesday: Where does L.A. rate on the NFL's priority list? Wednesday: Which teams might relocate to Los Angeles? Thursday: Why doesn't L.A. care about being NFL-less? Plus, a football fantasy: The Los Angeles Rams win Super Bowl XXXIV. Friday: What is the NFL's future in Los Angeles?

"It's Syndee," Syndee said petulantly, slurring her words with her freshly pierced tongue.

"Yeah, Lyndee, whatever," Profitz said, turning his attention back to Ethiks. "So, how was the game, man? I tell you, I've loved the Rams ever since they had that guy, that running back -- what was his name, that guy they wanted to trade but didn't?"

"Uh, it's either Eric Mickelson or something like that," Ethiks said. "And to answer your question, I loved the game. Watched the whole thing on TV from the Ram Room."

"The Ram Room!" Profitz said. "The in-house lounge where Billy Crystal inked that "City Slickers 4: Palance Does Prozac" deal with Johnny Depp?"

"Yeah," Ethiks said. "Had a great table. Saw a few plays on the big screen, enjoyed my Cosmopolitan and was back in the Range Rover by halftime. Hey, you think Jack Palance wants to play Frank Gansz, Sr., the special teams coach?"

"Who?" Profitz said. "Hey, how about the Dickenson cat playing the running back in this movie? You know, bring some of the Rams past, creative casting -- shows we really know our football here in L.A."

"Know our football?" Ethiks said. "Are you kidding? I've gone to a game a year, man. I'm a freaking regular. Hey, Mr. Bottom Line, I'm the guy who's out there in the Ram Room cheering as hard as anybody. And sat next to Miss January, too. And her sister, I might add. Twins, Mo. Got their cell phone numbers when Hef was on an extended bathroom break. Age, you know."

"Maybe Hef can do Vermeil, or Warner's father," Profitz said.

"How about Carole Channing for Georgia?" Ethiks shouted out, as if inspired. "Or is she dead, too?"

"No, I've known Georgia for years now, even went to a little soiree at her mansion in Bel-Air to celebrate her turning down that bogus stadium deal in Orange County," Profitz said. "Went to another soiree when she rebuffed those bumpkins from St. Louis who wanted to steal our beloved Rams. I know Georgia. She'll want to play herself. She also told me she does nude scenes. We'll have to talk to the screenwriters about that one."

"What about Phoebe Cates?" Ethiks shouted again. He was on a roll. "Does she do nude scenes?"

	“	They finally agreed to hold the parade for the length of one block. They're renting some extras from Universal to stand in as fans. Got some old football paraphernalia off the old set of 'Longest Yard.' They'll make it look good for the cameras. ”

"Not since 'Fast Times At Ridgemont High'," Profitz said, sadly. "So have you dispatched our lawyers to get Warner and Vermeil and all the rest to sign over the rights to the deal? The last thing we need is Warner Bros. getting there first and putting on some song-and-dance about their name and his name, you know."

"They're heading down to the parade today to close the deal," Ethiks said.

"There's a parade today?" Profitz said.

"Yeah, downtown," Ethiks said. "They were going to make it through Hollywood, but no one cared. Couldn't get a permit. They wanted Malibu, too, for the scene."

"Not in my backyard, baby!" Profitz shouted. "I don't need some freaking blue-collar fan from City of Industry clogging up my streets with his '77 Impala."

"Don't worry, baby," Ethiks said. "They finally agreed to hold the parade for the length of one block. They're renting some extras from Universal to stand in as fans. Got some old football paraphernalia off the old set of 'Longest Yard.' They'll make it look good for the cameras."

"Hang on, Les, I've got another call coming through," Profitz said, clicking over.

He was gone for a minute.

"Les, you're not going to believe it," Profitz said.

"Talk to me," Ethiks said.

"That was Oliver," Profitz said. "He said 'Any Given Sunday' gave him a jones to do another football movie. Says he's working on a script linking Warner, Tagliabue and the Vegas mob to a point-shaving scheme funneled through some of Castro's operatives in Cuba."

Ethiks could only smile and sip from his 84-ounce Evian bottle.

"I see a big opening weekend, Mo," he said.