It's not one of MTV's "Celebrity Deathmatches." It's not on the next episode of "Springer." And it's not something that Page 2 dreamed up with its wild imagination.

This is for real, folks: Amy Fisher and Tonya Harding will indeed enter the ring for a boxing match during a one-hour Fox special on March 13.

"This is legitimate. We'll have a real referee, a real doctor, real announcers. To all the world, this will be a real boxing match," Mike Darnell, Fox's alternative-programming chief, told USA Today.

Fisher and Harding, who will wear weighted gloves and protective headgear, will headline a three-fight card that will also feature a bout between Danny Bonaduce of "Partridge Family" fame and Barry Williams from "The Brady Bunch."

With all due respect to "Danny Partridge" and "Greg Brady," we're only concerned with the main event. So, Page 2 decided to see how these two battling bimbos match up in our "Tale of the Trash."

Amy Fisher vs. Tonya Harding
Category		Amy Fisher		Tonya Harding
Age		Younger than she looks		Way younger than she looks
Former occupations		High school student, alleged prostitute, prison inmate		Figure skater, car detailer, skating instructor, rent protester
Played in TV movie by		Alyssa Milano, Drew Barrymore, Noelle Parker		Tina Yothers
High-water mark		Getting a "cute old guy" to fix her car for free		Won U.S. Women's Figure Skating Championship in 1991
Low point		Uh ... spending nearly seven years in prison		Everything that's happened since February 1994
Scariest sight		Seeing her on your doorstep		Her performance in that wedding night video
Change of address		Released from Albion (N.Y.) Correctional Facility in May 1999		Evicted from her home near Camas, Wash., last month, and joked she'd now live with her dog in a Corvette roadster
Clinging to the side of the bowl		Got paroled by befriending the woman she shot		Appeared on NBC's "Weakest Link," hosted TNN's "Bad Boys Week," signed autographs for minor-league baseball's Jacksonville Suns
Current career aspiration		A job in the fashion industry		A job that will keep her from having to do that topless skating show in Vegas
Can't walk past without stopping		A body shop		A camera crew from "Inside Edition"
On the back of the robe		"The Long Island Lolita"		"The Ice Queen"
In her corner		Joey Buttafuoco		Jeff Gillooly
Don't expect to see in the corner		Mary Jo Buttafuoco		Nancy Kerrigan, that ex-boyfriend with the hubcap imprint on his forehead
Signature move		Glancing shot to the side of the head		Blow to the knee
Potential excuse for losing		"Joey put me up to this whole boxing thing."		Gillooly, Shane Stant, Shawn Eckardt
Sure to set off the arena metal detector		That gun that Joey allegedly gave her		That hubcap under her arm
Favorite training song		"Hit Me With Your Best Shot"		"Cold As Ice"
BOUT BASICS Page 2's suggested venue: The Playboy Mansion Suggested ring annoucer: Geraldo Rivera Suggested referee: Phil Luckett Suggested promoter: O.J. Simpson Post-fight coverage: E!'s True Hollywood Story Celebrity judge: Marie-Reine Le Gougne Celebrities at ringside: Kato Kaelin, Darva Conger, Monica Lewinsky