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Baseball slogans:
Nothin' but Ear Candy

Page 2

Before any major-league team can begin the season, its marketing department must first create a catchy phrase that will resonate with fans, sound good in a commercial, spur ticket sales and, most importantly of all, fit on a pocket schedule.

Derek Jeter
When you hold a victory parade every fall, you hardly need a slogan.
The best of these -- such as San Francisco's "Goin' Downtown" -- make multiple references to the upcoming season with a couple clever words. Most, however, are as vague, confusing and grammatically challenged as Ralph Kiner.

The key to slogans is interpreting what they really mean. For instance, a reference to youth is a sure sign the team is rebuilding and won't be competitive for at least three years. A reference to hustle is an admission the team stinks. And a reference to team character is the equivalent of saying a date "has a nice personality."

In fact, you can accurately predict the season's order of finish just based on the teams' slogans. Our picks and slogan interpretations:

1. New York Yankees
Slogan: They don't have one.
In other words: "Like we need a stupid slogan after winning three World Series in a row?"

2. Boston Red Sox
Slogan: "Friendly Fenway."
In other words: "Although not so friendly that we aren't above taking a wrecking ball to its walls and replacing it with a $650 million replica at taxpayer expense."

Fenway Park
The Red Sox's slogan is "Friendly Fenway," but that doesn't mean they've given up their quest for a new stadium.
3. Toronto Blue Jays
Slogan: "More Great Moments in Baseball."
In other words: "Like No. 76, the day we finally got the MRI back on Mike Sirotka's shoulder."

4. Tampa Bay Rays
Slogan: "Raysball, Be Part of It."
In other words: "Any resemblence to baseball and its actual players is purely coincidental."

5. Baltimore Orioles
Slogan: "These Kids Come to Play."
In other words: "Unfortunately, the bulk of the roster is older than the B&O Warehouse, and those veterans come to putter around the hardware store, talk about the weather and complain about today's loud popular music. They also lose their keys a lot."

1. Chicago White Sox
Slogan: "It's Time."
In other words: "It's past time."

2t. Minnesota Twins
Slogan: "Get to Know 'em."
In other words: "Because soon they become free agents."

2t. Cleveland Indians
Slogan: They don't have one.
In other words: They must still be working on an apology for Chief Wahoo.

4. Kansas City Royals
Slogan: "You've Gotta Love These Guys."
In other words: "Although the jury is still out on Brian Meadows."

5. Detroit Tigers
Slogan: "Come Play in the Park."
In other words: "Because you've got to be better than the guys we've been paying the past dozen years."

1. Oakland A's
Slogan: "Baseball: A's Style."
In other words: "Guaranteed more entertaining than Badminton: A's Style."

Mo Vaughn
The Angels won't have Mo Vaughn, but they do have a mission statement for 2001.
2. Texas Rangers
Slogan: "It's Better at the Ballpark."
In other words: "Of course, when you have a $252 million contract, it's still pretty good even if you're at a cattle rendering plant."

3. Seattle Mariners
Slogan: "Sodo Mojo."
In other words: "By repeating this slogan for another year, we're hoping someone finally figures out just what the hell it means."

4. Anaheim Angels
Slogan: "It's about Baseball."
In other words: "We've played 40 seasons and have exactly zero pennants to show for it and Mo Vaughn is out for this season, but at least we finally figured out our mission statement."

1. Atlanta Braves
Slogan: "Celebrating 10 years of great baseball."
In other words: "While ignoring nine of the Octobers."

2. New York Mets
Slogan: "Amazin' Again."
In other words: "A-Rod Doesn't Live Here."

3. Florida Marlins
Slogan: "Every Day, Every Game, All Heart."
In other words: "Every Day, Every Game, A Rain Delay."

4. Montreal Expos
Slogan: "It's Your Call."
In other words: "We don't know. It's up to you. Doesn't matter to us. If you want us to stay, great. If not, we'll move to Northern Virginia. No hard feelings. It's been fun. By the way, anyone see John Boccabella lately?"

5. Philadelphia Phillies
Slogan: They don't have one.
In other words: Considering their past several seasons, this is probably for the best.

1. Pittsburgh Pirates
Slogan: "Built for Baseball."
In other words: "As opposed to Three Rivers Stadium, which was built for tractor pulls."

2. St. Louis Cardinals
Slogan: "It's definitely a baseball town."
In other words: "It sure wasn't a basketball town."

3. Milwaukee Brewers
Slogan: "It's All Here Under One Roof."
In other words: "Just Like Wal-Mart."

Jose Lima
Astros pitchers, like Jose Lima, might beg to differ with the team's slogan.
4. Houston Astros
Slogan: "Everyone Loves to Play at Home."
In other words: "Unless, of course, you're a pitcher for the Astros."

5. Cincinnati Reds
Slogan: "It's Time to Play the Game."
In other words: "A friendly reminder, just in case Bip Roberts ever re-signs with us."

6. Chicago Cubs
The Cubs have no official slogan. Their unofficial slogan, of course, is always "Wait 'Til Next Year."

1. San Francisco Giants
Slogan: "Goin' Downtown."
In other words: "With ticket prices and PSLs that mirror downtown real estate prices."

2. Colorado Rockies
Slogan: "The Future Is Now."
In other words: "The fire sale is next winter."

3. Arizona Diamondbacks
Slogan: "Diamondbacks Baseball, Make It a Part of You."
In other words: "Make it really part of you -- fly in front of Randy Johnson's fastball."

4. Los Angeles Dodgers
Slogan: "Being Here is Everything."
In other words: "Although evidentally not if you're Gary Sheffield."

5. San Diego Padres
Slogan: "Catch the Excitement."
In other words: "Padres baseball -- it's contagious, like foot and mouth disease."

Jim Caple is a regular contributor to Page 2.

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