All the news that's fit to ... scroll
By Jim Caple
Page 2

Dave Campo
Cowboys coach Dave Campo might have better luck finding Dick Cheney.
Wars often lead to changes in the way we receive our news. World War II fueled the growth of network radio news. The Gulf War turned CNN into the world leader in cable news. And the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks spurred another entry in the business -- the news crawl.

Forget videos of smart bombs blowing up a building. Now we long to read the steady crawl of printed news bites across the bottom of our television screens. FBI announces no leads in Anthrax case ... Northern Alliance takes control of Kabul ... Harry Potter breaks box office records. ... In a country with an ever-growing hunger for information and an ever-shortening attention span, the news crawl has quickly become the preferred method of receiving information.

ESPN viewers are no different, so we've expanded our own sportsticker to provide the latest sports and national news headlines.

George Bush
President Bush starts a tradition.
Red Sox general manager Dan Duquette fires manager Joe Kerrigan, lays off 80,000 airline employees Miami Hurricanes replace University of Khandahar atop Al-Jazeera computer rankings Major-league owners extend Bud Selig's contract, make him commissioner for life -- or until Emmys air, whichever comes first Dallas Cowboys offense said to be in "secure, undisclosed location" Miami takes early 21-0 lead over Virginia Tech during pregame warmups Osama bin Laden's Al-Qaeda network negotiates four-figure deal for broadcast rights to Ladies Pro Bowlers Tour New firestorm: Memphis Grizzlies guard Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf refuses to stand for "YMCA" ...

Bud Selig
Bud Selig must explain that haircut.
NBA commissioner David Stern orders Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban to appear before military tribunal President Bush promises to throw our first pitch at every World Series as "important American tradition"; last pitch of each game still reserved for South Korea's Byung-Hyun Kim Former Cowboy Nate Newton arrested and charged with possession of 218 pounds of marijuana; agent claims he has really bad case of glaucoma IOC invites Afghanistan to compete in 2002 Olympics, sign up for NBC's triplecast Miami 49, Virginia Tech 0, 8:34, 1st quarter Bush offers $25 million reward, Sammy Sosa in exchange for bin Laden ...

Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle receives "white, powdery substance" in mail, former Dallas receiver Michael Irvin says it was meant for him Congress subpoenas Selig to defend baseball's anti-trust exemption, haircut Taliban flees Khunduz but Al Qaeda network threatens to continue fight on Al-Qaeda Classic Where in the world is Dick Cheney? Vice president not been seen publicly for weeks; analysts think he might be at an Expos game Barry Bonds home run ball dispute goes to trial; defendant claims he lost ball in the sun Miami 78, Virginia Tech 0, 12:34, 1st quarter ...

Michael Jordan
Michael Jordan quits for our love of the game.
Michael Jordan retires again, says he didn't realize how bad Wizards were Minnesota judge orders Twins to play in Metrodome in 2002, but only if they stop using LaTroy Hawkins as closer Bin Laden to appear on Al-Qadea network's Sunday Conversation Subscribers protest Taliban's annual swimsuit issue, claim burqas reveal too much eyelid In addition to contracting major leagues, Selig says he wants to annex the Sudeten Land ...

Miami 107, Virginia Tech 0, 7:23, second quarter Georgia fan who breached security at Atlanta airport pleads ignorance; judge assigns him University of Minnesota tutor As show of patriotism, owners ask fans to build more stadiums where they can sing "God Bless America" Jordan to come out of retirement one more time; no one cares Miami 120, Virginia Tech 3, halftime Afghanistan declines 2002 Olympics invite, will concentrate on 2004 paralympics instead.

Jim Caple is a senior writer for Page 2.




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