|Hey kids! There's more to summer than sitting inside a theater watching another really bad Adam Sandler movie! There's also reading the novelization of a really bad Adam Sandler movie!
And if you're heading to the bookstore, be sure to grab a book from Cap'n Jimmy's summer reading list! Just ask your local independent bookseller for the standard 40 percent off these titles! If they refuse, curse loudly, spit on the counter and swear that from now on you'll only buy from online mega-bookstores!
Take a look at an excerpt from this week's No. 3 bestseller, then check out the rest of the top 10.
April: An exceptionally bad start
Monday 2 April
218 pounds (post-spring training), alcohol units 14 (but effectively covers two days as four hours was final night of spring training), 2 pouches chewing tobacco, calories 5424
Noon. Cincinnati: Visitors clubhouse. Ugh. The last thing I feel on earth physically, emotionally and spiritually ready to do is play another season sharing a clubhouse with our psychotic closer. We were getting dressed this morning and when I asked him whether he thought our new uniform pants made my rear look big, he just laughed and said, "I don't think it's the pants." Then he mumbled something about my "white trash underwear" and walked away. Well, I never! ...
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Top 10 bestsellers
1. Tuesday's with Maury Wills by Mitch Albom
(Doubleday, 192 pages, $21)
Weekly conversations with the former Mariners manager teaches a sportswriter about life, love and the exact dimensions of the batters box.
2. All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in High School by Kwame Brown
(Fawcett Books, 206 pages, $12)
The NBA's top draft pick lists simple lessons that can extend through a lifetime, including "Share 5 percent of your salary with your agent, Say you are sorry when you brush past fans, etc."
3. Chipper Jones's Diary by Larry Wayne Jones
(Viking Press, 297 pages, $22.95)
The Atlanta third baseman's raucous account of his search for true love in the major leagues while battling the new strike zone, his team's obnoxious closer and the relentless enemy that is cellulite. (See excerpt above.)
4. Not the Greatest Generation by Tom Brokaw
(Random House, 208 pages, 29.95)
With his publisher hounding him for still more books on the WWII generation, the news anchor milks his subject dry with this volume on the 4-F cases, old men and one-armed outfielders who spent the war playing baseball, earning big-league meal money and sleeping around with the wives of servicemen.
5. Who Cut The Cheese? An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work and Your Life by Spencer Johnson and Kenneth H. Blanchard
(Putnam, 94 pages, $19.95)
The author gives lessons on making adjustments in life through the tale of two fictional NFL prospects trapped in a scouting combine with narrow-minded and flatulent linemen.
6. Shaq is from Mars, Kobe is from Venus, Darryl Dawkins was from Lovetron by Phil Jackson
(Harper Collins, 304 pages, $25)
The Lakers coach explains how to get fundamentally different people to successfully work together ... at least for a couple of months each spring.
7. Vince DiMaggio, The Hero's Life by Richard Ben Cramer
(Simon & Schuster, 560 pages, $28)
The Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter follows up his scathing best-seller on Joe DiMaggio with this unauthorized biography of his older brother, who batted .249 for five teams, was briefly Marilyn Monroe's brother-in-law and sometimes tipped only 10 percent when he received poor service.
8. Napalm and Silly Putty by Vince McMahon
(Hyperion, 256 pages, $22.95)
The author details the controversial additions he thinks could have saved the XFL.
9. It May Get Late Early Here But Déjà Vu Ain't Over Until Dr. Zhivago Takes the Fork in the Road by Dale Berra
(Hyperion, 144 pages, $16.95)
Yogi Berra's son describes the difficulties of growing up with a father whose advice never made much sense.
10. Balfour by Jim Bouton
(Sports Publishing Inc, 544 pages, $29.95)
The iconoclastic ex-pitcher and diarist details his summer spent researching the life of the WWI-era British MP who supported a Jewish state in Palestine.